WOW :jawdrop: and I thought I had a crazy ex to deal with!! That nut job should be in jail.. leaving young ones alone what the hell is she thinkin!! I cant believe that she would blow money knowing that she is causing other children hardship!! I have no children of my own just my 2 ss's and they are my little guys.I do everything to make their lives better.I could never cause harm to another child even if they were H's ex's kids. That womans a waste of oxygen! I am sorry that she has the kids treat you badly but you would be surprised kids are pretty quick to pick up on whats really goin on! In the mean time your H should put them kids in line! You deserve respect just like any other person. Just because we are SM's dosent mean we are Second Class Citizens! As far as her cussing and flipping you and you kids off..I would try and keep my own kids outta her sight and I would be nice as pie to that B*tch! I would smile and wave while shes doin that and act like I dont give a rats behind!! That really outta burn her biscuits I do that to my H's ex all the time it eats her alive!! Kill em with kindness lol Whats the worst that can happen? Now his ex trys to do the same to me but what she dosent realize is that when she is faking being nice shes actually being nice and it makes my life easier HAHAHAHAHA She's not to smart! You see when people are that angry they tend not to have their thinkin caps on so they are easy to mess with... Best of luck to ya and ya know some times you have to try and find the humor in some of the stupid sh*t that these crazy BM's do...It will help you keep your sanity!
all the adults (both bio-parents and stepparents) need to act like adults towards each other. The people who suffer the most when they don't are the children. IMHO, the children didn't ask to be put in this situation so the least the grownups can do is make nice, so then the kids can have an easier time being nice to the new adults and people in their lives. That is what you do with your ex (I give you kudos for that because if a lot of the BMs we blog about here did that, then our lives wouldn't be so stressful), that is what my mom did, and that is what a lot of other parents do.
I wish my SDs' BM was like you for their sakes. She would always cuss my DH out at exchanges and try to make the kids think that he left them. Ummm, no, my dear, he left YOU, NOT the kids. She tried to make the kids think that they aren't a part of DH's new family with me- ummm, no, BM, THE KIDS ARE a part of DH's new family with me. YOU are not and you hate that. It took a lot of counseling for the SDs and us getting custody of them for them to see that what BM was telling them is just not true.
About the exchanges- DH would always complain about her behavior to me once he had dropped the kids back off with her and he got home. That's the whole reason I didn't go- I didn't want to her to treat me the way she treated him. I think you should consider having your kids and yourself stay home when your DH needs to do skid exchanges. That way, you don't have to be subject to her bad behavior and most importantly, your kids don't either. Also, then your DH can get in some quality time with just him and the kids. I'm a big believer in parents spending 1-on-1 quality time with each of their kids.
I think your DH needs to have a talk with the skids about what BM is saying and say, "I know you are being told that you don't have to treat your SM and stepsiblings with respect, but you do need to treat them with respect. I understand that you don't love or like them, and that's ok, but you do need to figure out a way to peacefully live with them under the same roof every other weekend. Just because SM, your stepsiblings, and your new baby sister are here now, does not mean I don't love you. I love all of you very deeply and equally. I understand that having to adjust to new family members is not easy and I will do all I can to help you. You can always come and talk to me and/or ask me for a hug or kiss. You can draw and/or write out how you feel in a private diary or drawing pad. I love you very much, and you are just as much an important, valuable part of this family as your SM, stepsiblings and baby sister." After he talks with them about that, he needs to follow through on it. He may even have to repeat that a few times to them. Counseling can also be a great help to teach the kids appropriate ways to vent their feelings and then they can vent about the situation in front of a neutral party (the counselor).
If BM wants the kids to have dinner with your in-laws, then in this situation, it sounds like a) that the in-laws need to insist that they will only take the kids out to dinner and b) that they will meet BM at the restaurant instead of going to her home. If she refuses or initially agrees but never brings the kids to see their grandparents, then the in-laws should consider fighting her for grandparent visitation. I'm all for ex-in-laws remaining friends so long as a) everyone involved is a sane, civilized person and b) everyone is willing to respect the new boundaries that come into play when the ex remarries, i.e. BM can still be friends with the in-laws and show up at skid-related events, i.e. birthday parties, graduations & graduation parties, weddings & wedding festivities, and grandkids events, but for events like a Christmas gathering, the BM needs to not go to those to out of courtesy to her ex and his new partner/spouse.
As for you supposedly stealing DH from her and the kids- that is BS and she knows it. She just wants people to feel bad for her and she loves playing the victim. You did not steal anyone from anybody. It sounds as though you want your skids to have a loving relationship with their dad because it's what is in their best interests. That's the complete opposite of stealing their dad from them! Again, he needs to let the kids know that he did not leave them through words, love and actions, and he needs to tell BM that a person who truly leaves their children does not see them EOW, pay tons of child support, and try to contact them as frequently as possible when they're at their other parent's home. He doesn't even have to tell the kids about the child support or mention BM directly to let them know that.
"Only a fool would mistreat the person responsible for his/her children every other weekend"- oh, isn't that the truth! BM would mistreat us all the time when we had custody. My mother never did that- and I went to see my dad every weekend. She would use her kid-free time to run errands, catch up on housework, see her friends, etc. She treated my stepmother in a civil manner. She did so because even though she missed me, she could now use her weekends to accomplish things around our apartment she couldn't necessarily do when I was home, and could have some time to relax. My mom, my dad and my stepdad are all good friends. So I was really stunned when I saw just how mean BM was to DH and the SDs.
Like LS813 said, try to find the humor in some of the things she does- it can give your DH and yourself something to laugh about out of earshot of the kids. Laughter is the best medicine, and I have had many a good laugh with my DH about BM when the SDs aren't around!
Comments
WOW and I thought I had a
WOW :jawdrop: and I thought I had a crazy ex to deal with!! That nut job should be in jail.. leaving young ones alone what the hell is she thinkin!! I cant believe that she would blow money knowing that she is causing other children hardship!! I have no children of my own just my 2 ss's and they are my little guys.I do everything to make their lives better.I could never cause harm to another child even if they were H's ex's kids. That womans a waste of oxygen! I am sorry that she has the kids treat you badly but you would be surprised kids are pretty quick to pick up on whats really goin on! In the mean time your H should put them kids in line! You deserve respect just like any other person. Just because we are SM's dosent mean we are Second Class Citizens! As far as her cussing and flipping you and you kids off..I would try and keep my own kids outta her sight and I would be nice as pie to that B*tch! I would smile and wave while shes doin that and act like I dont give a rats behind!! That really outta burn her biscuits
I do that to my H's ex all the time it eats her alive!! Kill em with kindness lol Whats the worst that can happen? Now his ex trys to do the same to me but what she dosent realize is that when she is faking being nice shes actually being nice and it makes my life easier HAHAHAHAHA She's not to smart! You see when people are that angry they tend not to have their thinkin caps on so they are easy to mess with... Best of luck to ya and ya know some times you have to try and find the humor in some of the stupid sh*t that these crazy BM's do...It will help you keep your sanity!
I agree with everything you said, petitesphinx-
all the adults (both bio-parents and stepparents) need to act like adults towards each other. The people who suffer the most when they don't are the children. IMHO, the children didn't ask to be put in this situation so the least the grownups can do is make nice, so then the kids can have an easier time being nice to the new adults and people in their lives. That is what you do with your ex (I give you kudos for that because if a lot of the BMs we blog about here did that, then our lives wouldn't be so stressful), that is what my mom did, and that is what a lot of other parents do.
I wish my SDs' BM was like you for their sakes. She would always cuss my DH out at exchanges and try to make the kids think that he left them. Ummm, no, my dear, he left YOU, NOT the kids. She tried to make the kids think that they aren't a part of DH's new family with me- ummm, no, BM, THE KIDS ARE a part of DH's new family with me. YOU are not and you hate that. It took a lot of counseling for the SDs and us getting custody of them for them to see that what BM was telling them is just not true.
About the exchanges- DH would always complain about her behavior to me once he had dropped the kids back off with her and he got home. That's the whole reason I didn't go- I didn't want to her to treat me the way she treated him. I think you should consider having your kids and yourself stay home when your DH needs to do skid exchanges. That way, you don't have to be subject to her bad behavior and most importantly, your kids don't either. Also, then your DH can get in some quality time with just him and the kids. I'm a big believer in parents spending 1-on-1 quality time with each of their kids.
I think your DH needs to have a talk with the skids about what BM is saying and say, "I know you are being told that you don't have to treat your SM and stepsiblings with respect, but you do need to treat them with respect. I understand that you don't love or like them, and that's ok, but you do need to figure out a way to peacefully live with them under the same roof every other weekend. Just because SM, your stepsiblings, and your new baby sister are here now, does not mean I don't love you. I love all of you very deeply and equally. I understand that having to adjust to new family members is not easy and I will do all I can to help you. You can always come and talk to me and/or ask me for a hug or kiss. You can draw and/or write out how you feel in a private diary or drawing pad. I love you very much, and you are just as much an important, valuable part of this family as your SM, stepsiblings and baby sister." After he talks with them about that, he needs to follow through on it. He may even have to repeat that a few times to them. Counseling can also be a great help to teach the kids appropriate ways to vent their feelings and then they can vent about the situation in front of a neutral party (the counselor).
If BM wants the kids to have dinner with your in-laws, then in this situation, it sounds like a) that the in-laws need to insist that they will only take the kids out to dinner and b) that they will meet BM at the restaurant instead of going to her home. If she refuses or initially agrees but never brings the kids to see their grandparents, then the in-laws should consider fighting her for grandparent visitation. I'm all for ex-in-laws remaining friends so long as a) everyone involved is a sane, civilized person and b) everyone is willing to respect the new boundaries that come into play when the ex remarries, i.e. BM can still be friends with the in-laws and show up at skid-related events, i.e. birthday parties, graduations & graduation parties, weddings & wedding festivities, and grandkids events, but for events like a Christmas gathering, the BM needs to not go to those to out of courtesy to her ex and his new partner/spouse.
As for you supposedly stealing DH from her and the kids- that is BS and she knows it. She just wants people to feel bad for her and she loves playing the victim. You did not steal anyone from anybody. It sounds as though you want your skids to have a loving relationship with their dad because it's what is in their best interests. That's the complete opposite of stealing their dad from them! Again, he needs to let the kids know that he did not leave them through words, love and actions, and he needs to tell BM that a person who truly leaves their children does not see them EOW, pay tons of child support, and try to contact them as frequently as possible when they're at their other parent's home. He doesn't even have to tell the kids about the child support or mention BM directly to let them know that.
"Only a fool would mistreat the person responsible for his/her children every other weekend"- oh, isn't that the truth! BM would mistreat us all the time when we had custody. My mother never did that- and I went to see my dad every weekend. She would use her kid-free time to run errands, catch up on housework, see her friends, etc. She treated my stepmother in a civil manner. She did so because even though she missed me, she could now use her weekends to accomplish things around our apartment she couldn't necessarily do when I was home, and could have some time to relax. My mom, my dad and my stepdad are all good friends. So I was really stunned when I saw just how mean BM was to DH and the SDs.
Like LS813 said, try to find the humor in some of the things she does- it can give your DH and yourself something to laugh about out of earshot of the kids. Laughter is the best medicine, and I have had many a good laugh with my DH about BM when the SDs aren't around!
Thank you, gals, for your
Thank you, gals, for your kind words and support. It's a difficult and angry little ride!
Sorry,
I meant when she (BM) had custody.