I Don't Blog Often... but TONIGHT???
Okay so BM calls hysterically crying... can the kids come over here for a couple of days... DH says.. of course (no problemo here.) BM
drops the kids off... they march up to their room no communicado. DH whoo was resting because of oral surgery today and on pain meds... puts his shoes on and I haven't seen him since... Grandma and Grandpa are fine they were here today... she is married.. why she needs my husband in a time of crisis is beyond mee so here I wait.. Oh I could call his cell phone to find out where and why he is not here.. but no I won't... I will let him tell me.
- Persephone's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
How old are the kids
and did she feed them before they came over????
So.. he left w/her?? or
So.. he left w/her?? or went out to ask what was wrong??? When did he finally come back?
The rest of the Story.
Meanwhile the skids basically told me its none of my business (by way of silence). I asked if everyones health is okay.. BM, Step Dad, aunts, uncles, grma grpa, everyone... played 20 questions. DH came home 3 hours later. He tells me its personal! I say who's personal yours, hers, the skids?? What? It doesn't affect me so let it go. I say it does affect me when one the skids are here for the rest of the week and you leave in a hurry without saying a word. BIG crisis going on with half my family and its none of my business??
Well it turns out that BM's DH (dick head) was knocking her around (Dh's term and no details) and that this had happened before this past Sep. My DH consoled her for three hours and talked her into staying with her parents or sister for a few days.
Okay. This is fine (Well 3 hours is a bit excessive. I understand. I am sympathetic. No way should any child see that violence. I would have done the same thing for her and the skids.
WHY THE BIG F39482G SECRET. I am upset because once again I was treated like I don't matter. DH demonstrated what I have been saying all along... he is the one that has drawn the territorial boundaries (my family vs his family), which is the greatest difficulty we have had in blending. We discuss this time and time again. He always apologizes, but each time he is faced with changing his response, well... he doesn't. Even though my team (the girls and & I ) have walked around on egg shells and play mental gymnastics to change our behaviors so this thing can work.
This is so exhausting.
The skids are 16 and 17. They were fed, although capable of caring for themselves. I was left home with them-- not as a babysitter, but how awkward, I couldn't even console them appropriately. What was really irritating is that his kids have no eye contact when talking with people. Which is my pet peeve because it makes the other person feel so insignificant.. its rude!!
personal??????????????????
I would ask who he gets naked and personal with , you or his ex, and remind him you are his wife and that is as personal as it gets!!!!!
Excuse me ,but what a dumb a--!
"We don't understand life anymore at 40 then at 20, but we know it and admit it" Jules Renard
I hear you
When my DH left his ex he told his ex and kids he was putting 2 families together, not breaking one apart. I have felt the same thing you are feeling in that DH was the one I felt was actually separating our families and not allowing them to blend. I have felt like an outsider at times also. So I did this (so that the kids 20 and 16 knew where the problem was coming from): He was out at ex's visiting them one night and I showed up there unexpectedly. He answered the door and I marched in and told him to gather his kids. I apologized to the ex but stated that I needed them to all hear what I had to say. I then blurted out everything that was on my mind and the SS spoke up and asked his dad why he was doing that. DH sat there with his head down and didn't say much. I was surprised but SS was actually agreeing with me and so was the ex. This helped clear the air a great deal on where the problem was coming from. I think they may have suspected I was trying to prevent him from seeing them. Now we all know!!
d
d
I would
have felt completely disrespected like my time, my life and my approval (for them using my time) didn't matter. I wouldn't let it happen again-------for any reason.
d
d
Persephone
I am so confused, as I'm sure you are too. Isn't this the woman who has coined the term PAS? You obviously care about those kids and your husband. Otherwise, would you have read soooo many books and shared them with us. Just one example.
So how could you not want to understand what is going on, not want to support or help the skids. A meteor drops in your kitchen and you aren't suppose to do anything about it? Plus with all you've dealt with, how could your husband drop everything, without word to you and run to the ex's aid.
I would absolutely flip a lid if my husband had a secret with his ex. I don't care if it is of a sensitive nature, ie her being abused. We are married and there are no secrets there. If our BM needed help, and she chose my husband for support, then she is asking us, not just him.
I'm pretty outspoken, so my dh would definitely hear my opinions on this one. You are a kind, sensitive and supportive woman. Perhaps your DH is taking that for granted. He knows your heart is pure and you would understand. That doesn't make it taste any better though. Maybe it is time that you really let him know how you feel.