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Alone

pacuna's picture

So apparently to my husband I am cold hearted but yet I stepped up to help him raise his kids.  Now that his kids are adults I have encountered problems with him.  I don't talk to his kids for the same reason because I don't want no problems but talking or no talking to them, he still continues to say that I am the problem and that I am mean to his adult kids.  I recently had a miscarriage and I felt/feel alone.  When I told him the way I feel, he right away started attacking me about me being mean to his kids and not loving his kids.  But first of all his kids are not mine,  I was 18 years old when I started a relationship with him and at that age we don't know how to be mothers.  I did a favor for him and his family in helping him raise his kids.  I didn't have to but I am not mean.  In my opinion he needs to be grateful because I was raising his kids while going to school to become a teacher and raising my own daughter.  Like common I am young and I was still trying to establish my own life.  I guess I am just hurt by everything. 

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

You don't have to or even should be expected to love his kids. 

You have done your only obligation to them and that is support him. You helped him more than you should have and he needs to pull his head out of his butt and realize that you are his partner and he needs to be your support now. 

pacuna's picture

That's what I say!!!!!  But he is so stubborn!!!!  I just want to know if I am wrong or right.  I guess I am just lost.

justmakingthebest's picture

Things I have come to realize in marriage- There is no me/him- right/wrong. WE are in this together.

You need to talk to him and tell him that at the end of the day- those "kids" are adults now. The needs of your marriage come before all others- remember that part of your vows? That you need him now, that after this miscarriage, you need his support and kindness and love. That you have built a beautiful life together and that you guys need to stop and recenter with your marriage and relationship as the primary focus. The adult kids and do fine on their own for a little while. 

pacuna's picture

Thank you for all your comments!!!!  I appreciate it!!!!  I know for in fact that I did a good job with his kids.  The oldest is in the military and all of them graduated high school.  I don't know why he acts like that towards me because I know that he knows that without me he wouldn't have custody of his kids or he would of been in jail.  Hopefully one of these days he will realize it and I agree he is a jerk and he has put me through so much but no matter what I never gave up on his kids or him which today neither of them appreciate everything I have done. I am going to use that line and hopefully he can get some sense into him.