You treat her like a baby, she's going to act like a baby.

DH got an e-mail from the Wookie yesterday. It appears that SD9 has been acting out lately at the Wookie's house. Wookie says SD9 threw a screaming fit in the grocery store because she didn't get her way. She also has been very pouty and whiny and wants what she wants. Hmmmm. Looks like bad parenting is finally catching up with BM. On SD9's report card a couple of weeks ago, the teacher noted that SD9 sulks and pouts when she doesn't get her way.

I can honestly say that SD9 does not act like this at our house. She knows we won't stand for it. If any of the kids start pouting, they get to spend time in their room alone with no one else to play with. If any of the kids threw a screaming fit in the grocery store, said kid would be taken to the car, more than likely spanked by the bioparent, and would spend the remainder of the day in their room. They all occasionally get mouthy from time to time, but the "mom look" or "dad look" usually cures them of it. If that doesn't work, a quick smack upside the back of the head will do the trick.

The Wookie babies SD9 terribly. The poor girl has never been properly potty trained - and she's 9!!! She still wets the bed several times a week. To solve that problem, Wookie puts her in pull-ups STILL!!! At our house, DH will usually wake SD9 up and make her go to the bathroom during the night. We're trying to teach her to do this on her own. This isn't a medical problem - we've had her checked out. This young lady has been wearing pullups at night her entire life! We don't let her wear them at our house. Yes, we have to deal with soggy sheets a few nights a week, but she's responsible for getting them down to the basement and putting them in the washer.

Also, the Wookie will not buy her clothes of the proper size. SD9 wears a size 12, yet I still see her wearing size 7 and 8 from the Wookie's house. They are too tight and uncomfortable for her. It's like her mother refuses to acknowledge that SD9 is growing up. I bought SD9 a training/sports bra last week because she is starting to bud out and it's starting to show. So far I haven't heard from Wookie that I've overstepped my bounds, but I expect to.

At the Wookie's house SD9 gets what she wants when she wants it. She and SS13 are allowed to snack on whatever they want whenever they want. At our house, there is no unauthorized snacking. You ask for it, and sometimes the answer is no. If the answer is no, you DO NOT ARGUE!

How hard is it to set and enforce a few simple rules? If this had been done from the start, the Wookie wouldn't be crying out to DH asking for his advice. DH's advice to her was to be a parent, not a friend. I love all my kids dearly, but I don't care if they get mad at me because I don't give into their whims. I'm not their buddy, I'm their parent!! It's mine and DH's responsibility to teach them self-reliance, discipline, patience, repect.

Well, what can I expect. After all, the Wookie (at age 48) still lives with her mommy after all.

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so sad for the child... but

so sad for the child...
but its right in thinking if you treat a kid like a baby, they will act like one.
Even with Dogs, it's not a good idea to treat them like babies, they develop behavioral problems.

and this wookie... a grown woman who still lives with parents at age 48? wow what a loser.

Actually, I should correct

Actually, I should correct myself on this. I've said it before - she lives in a house with her brother that is next door to their mother. Their mommy pays for the house and fixes all their meals. Still losers if you ask me.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

Well, she is reeping what

Well, she is reeping what she sowed. I wouldn't worry about this if I were you. It is mom's problem. Afterall the kid doesn't do it at your house. We have the same situation with my husband's youngest daugther. She has thrown shoes at her mother, screams that she hates her and is all around extremely disrespectful towards her mother. She doesn't do that in our house. She knows that behavior would be dealt with immediately. She tried that with me in the beginning and realized I was definitely the WRONG person to pull that crap on.

Now she's her mother's problem. Her mother whines about her behavior but does absolutely nothing about it. She is a yeller but doesn't follow through. Of course the kid is going to push the limit.

Good for you and your husband. At least she's being taught life lessons somewhere.

bad deeds and bad parenting

bad deeds and bad parenting always turn around and bite people in the butt. Sad for sd bc she's developmentally disadvantaged when she's with BM but seems she's on the right track at your house. Hopefully the time she spends with you guys is enough to balance out the time at BM's house so sd can have hope at being a productive adult.

~The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for.~
Oscar Wilde

The BM we deal with still

The BM we deal with still treats SD 15 like a damn two year old. DH was guilty of it for a while also, he's finally seeing it hasn't gotten what he wanted! BM will call up screaming and yelling that SD won't listen, she won't go to her room, she's to big for BM to physically put in her room (yeah, cook once in a while instead of leaving SD to fend for herself and she won't be so big) etc.

She will even call and ask me to help her. I can't even wrap my brain around calling my sons SM for help in how to deal with him..........can't even fathom it. I'm his mom, the kid will freaking listen, I don't care how big he gets....he could be the UFC heavy weight champ of the world one day but you better believe I'll carry his big ass to his room by his ear if need be!

Some parents just don't get it, or they don't care to. The BM you deal with has fought so hard to be the good guy, now she is. She's also the punching bag. Go BM. Great job there momma!

I really like your no

I really like your no nonsense approach to kids. I wish some of these perfect BM's and honestly society in general would wake up. Did you have a child because you needed a friend? Go to a social then. Our job as parents is to raise healthy, happy well adjusted adults. I don't want my child to cause others harm or unhappiness just as I don't want her to be harmed by others. When kids are constantly given into that is what their view of the world is and heaven help those who are around when the child finds out the world doesn't work that way. Anyway just wanted to tell you that I love your approach, simple rules, simple discipline. Why does everyone make this so complicated.

Thank you for saying that.

Thank you for saying that. It's really nice to hear that I'm doing something right. Most of the time, I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants. I know I'm a mom, I know I'm nearing 40, but most of the time I still feel like an insecure confused teenager at times, you know. My mom always seemed to have it all together. When I looked at her, I saw a grown-up. I wonder if she felt the same confusion and insecurities I do.

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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

I'm sure she did! We all

I'm sure she did! We all feel that way sometimes.....I think it's natural! I dont think babying a child (especially a girl) is the right thing to ever do. It makes them whiney and insecure.
Love your new hair by the way!

I am so glad to read another

I am so glad to read another bio/step with the same outlook on parenting as I have. I make rules and enforce them. I don't care if I'm the bad guy, because in the end I am here to raise healthy productive adults. My first experience with deailng with this type of adult was my exh's mom. Boy was she an enabler and thanks to her my 17yr old bs is going through some hardtimes. Sometimes I think I despise her more than my ss's bm, but only sometimes. Now, I'm watching my DH and his sons go through the same type of stuff. DH and both BMs do not set boundaries for their children, nor do they follow through with any warnings or threats of punishment. I am the bad guy on those grounds. I really wish I could impress upon my DH the importance of being a father figure instead of a friend. He knows my views on the subject and he allows me to discipline when I feel necessary, but the problem is I feel it more necessary than I act on. I don't want to be the evil stepmom, but I have to run a household with all the children.
My youngest ss's bm (one ear wonder is my name for her) has no boundaries with any of her children and the ss suffers greatly. I believe in naptime until the child shows that a nap isn't needed. If that age is in the tweens so be it. Bad behavior will not be tolerated in my home and if the children want to behave badly than they will also sit in their room until I decide they've had enough time to think about things, and then we'll discuss what is going on for them to act out.
My oldest ss's BM still calls him "the baby" and he's um fourteen. That drives my dh up a wall... Although she's the "good" bm in my life she still enables "the baby" to be a lazy couch potato.
Of course, I blame my DH for having sex with these absolute morons and not ever having the forethough to discuss parenting with them before impregnating them.

--I am so unbelievably sick of your imperious bullsh!t. I never said I was June-f*cking-Clever...

everyone calls my SD "the

everyone calls my SD "the baby". When BM or DH call they ask to speak to the baby. I'm like what baby? You mean SD10? She's not a "baby" anymore!!! Stop calling her that. Geez! No wonder this kid thinks she doesn't have to do a damn thing around the house cause in her mind she's just a little "baby"!

OMG Reeny that is exactly

OMG Reeny that is exactly what the BM to my ss14 says when she talks about him. It drives him and the DH bonkers. One time she called the house asking to talk to "the baby" so my DH put his other son3 on the phone and the ss14's BM was like that's not "the baby" and my dh says but he is the baby... I have noticed that she is not saying it as often as before. I know the ss14 hates it when she says it and asks her to stop all the time.

--I am so unbelievably sick of your imperious bullshit. I never said I was June-fucking-Clever--