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In relation to a pay I read about father's day gifts, if you would hang them

nunya1983's picture

Submitted by nunya1983 on Tue, 06/23/2015 - 11:51am

I often wondered the same thing... Dh had things that BM made with SD's foot prints on it that she painted and wrote the poems on. I hated that I felt that dh shouldn't be holding on to it displaying it on the dresser... it's so hard looking at it when I go to bed. It's so hard to get intimate with it right there looking at me... I felt bad about not wanting it.

Fast forward to this Sunday, SD comes home with a big poster saying to my hero, I love you daddy, and it's very sweet,except it has pictures on it off SD and BM's best friend... I'm like wtf?! Or of all the pictures SD has THOSE are the pictures that were chosen? I'm hoping that it gets thrown away.... right now it's sitting in the gift bag on the dresser next to her foot prints that BM made.... ugh.

I know this isn't the worst thing, but it's still bothering and annoying. No I realize this isn't a malicious act made by SD, but part of me is wondering if it might be a jab at me made by BM? Or possibly just a way for BM to say, "I still matter"

Not like I intend to do anything about it, but I'm hoping maybe dh might just be waiting a while and going to "lose" that poster

Comments

nunya1983's picture

Submitted by nunya1983 on Tue, 06/23/2015 - 12:30pm

He has before, SD has brought gifts directly from BM to our home and dh had her take them back home... I'm really going that he's just worrying for SD to forget it and throw it away. Or at least pull the pictures of and replace them with ones with out BM or her friend

nunya1983's picture

Submitted by nunya1983 on Tue, 06/23/2015 - 12:27pm

I have been trying hard to detach them from relating them to BM in my head. for the most part is been working. I think this latest piece of art just dredged up feelings.

SD does have her own room, so perhaps I'll just hang them in there. That's a good idea, thanks.

AtoZMom's picture

Submitted by AtoZMom on Tue, 06/23/2015 - 1:13pm

I hate to throw out anything my SD5 makes like that if it involved her BM any i would put it in her room or put it in a keepsake box that i have for both SD5 and BM1 that way you dont have to look at it but its kept so you dont feel horrible for throwing it out!! (i always feel horrible cuz SD5 always puts her heart into her projects )

nunya1983's picture

Submitted by nunya1983 on Tue, 06/23/2015 - 1:31pm

I could understand feeling that way since she puts so much work into it. I know BM does all SD's projects because I've seen SD "work hard" on a project. They all turn out the same, she tears a peice of paper out of a spiral notebook draws a heart in pencil and says happy birthday/father's day/easter etc. I know BM even wrote all the words on this for her because it's not even her handwriting.

I've thought of the idea of taking a picture of SD with me and gluing it to a poster for BM on mother's day (you know to get back at her), but them I realized that was petty and I dropped it. I have never used SD as a pawn, ever, it's really sad that her mother does. And I'm not going to let myself stoop down to her level

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Tue, 06/23/2015 - 3:06pm

Hey, nothing wrong with helping her write a nice poster, though...just put a pic of SD but BM will know it's your handwriting saying "HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY" }:)

abitguarded's picture

Submitted by abitguarded on Tue, 06/23/2015 - 2:42pm

More than likely those footprints don't even make him think of the ex factor but only his child. While I agree that it would definitely bother me in my personal space, just give him an area for that kind of stuff. No pics of the BM a no go! But the crafty things I get. I have a stupid stepping stone with my SO daughter's handprint at the door and when I see it I just have to remind myself it is her...not her mom...that he is holding on to.

I have made him send some crap back though that was inappropriate. Most important...tell him how you feel! It may hurt his feelings at first, but if he loves you, really loves you, he will get past it and compromise. After all, if you are like me, I get my feelings hurt A LOT because of his daughter and the ex factor.

Glassslipper's picture

Submitted by Glassslipper on Tue, 06/23/2015 - 3:14pm

Am I the only one that allows photos of both BM and the Ex in my home?
lol
Well not in my home per-say.
SD has photos (only 1 or 2) of BM up on her bulletin board in her room, I don't mind it, its her mom.
DD has a photo of my ex on her dresser, one of her and him on his wedding day to SM, it doesn't bother me, its her Dad.
AND...
I have seen in the background of a few DD selfies taken at my Ex's house, photos of me, my husband and the skids. Proudly displayed at my ex's. No one cares there. My kids SM doesn't care.

The Skids HOWEVER are NOT! allowed to have photos of their Dad up at BM's house. She is the only one who is still bitter about me. oh well...

nunya1983's picture

Submitted by nunya1983 on Tue, 06/23/2015 - 3:56pm

I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't displayed on our dresser. Every time I'm undressing I feel it looking. Every time I am going to bed, it's staring. Every time I'm making love to my husband, it's saying "I'm still here! I'm still buying and making things for your husband"

I don't want to be petty, I don't want these thoughts. So I'm going to take the advice to take them to SD's room.

I also think it depends on how much BM had interfered in your life. She's Bad mouthed me and dh to SD on numerous occasions. She's made my life very difficult on many occasions. If she was pleasant or just not so prevalent in my life, I don't think I'd care... but that's not my life.

nunya1983's picture

Submitted by nunya1983 on Wed, 06/24/2015 - 8:55am

Dh can't stand her, he's only mentioned her maybe maybe 3 times in the 5 years we've been together. But basically she's a died out alcoholic. He really doesn't like her. The picture has not been displayed yet, it's still sitting in the gift bag on the dresser.