We had our appt at the lawyer's office on Saturday and it went very well. He seems like a very calm, rational man, and hopefully if he ends up getting involved directly with the BM, this will work out for all of our advantage. The morning of the meeting we did get a bit of a surprise, I have been bugging FH for months to find the custody agreement actual document, plus any other documentation he might have. ya ya ya. So that morning he pulls out an envelope full of yellowing pages from 12 yrs ago, every scrap of paper pertaining to the court case, down to the receipts from the motel proving that BM cheated on him... LOL.

So in going through all this, what do we find but papers submitted by BM's lawyer, and it's the guy who is now OUR lawyer!!!! We freaked out, not knowing if that would be a conflict, and he wouldn't take the case, but it worked out fine, no problem.

Anyway, long story short, the results are rather positive, and we are cautiously optimistic. Apparently in the state of CT, due to SD's age, the court will not force her to go to a home where she does not want to be. Apparently he even just finished a bitterly contested case with two teens SD's age who wanted to be with their mom despite a mountain of evidence, including a GAL study saying the kids were better off with the dad. The court sided with the mom, b/c that's what the kids wanted!

Not only that, but once we get the filed papers back signed by the court with a hearing date, he advised us to not return SD to her mom. Yup, you heard that right, refuse to bring her back at the end of his scheduled visitation. He said that if she calls the cops, as long as we have the papers proving custody is in dispute and SD says to them she will not go back to her moms for fear of injury, they will not forcibly remove her from the home, and the court will not look badly upon us for doing so.

In the end, he said that given her age, it is very uncommon that this would be an issue. Most people once their children get to be this age allow them to make the choice, or at least do not contest it voraciously.

Apparently it is also highly unusual to have even a visitation schedule at this age!!! Yup, so basically if SD and BM want to get together, they will need to figure it out for themselves, and plan, she will have no rights in that area, LOL. I told SD that once the smoke blew over from this, if she wanted to see her mom, maybe at first trying to set up going to lunch or meeting somewhere to spend time together might be better than going to BM's house (I didn't say it but I want witnesses if BM flips out and starts beating the crap out of her, plus I want her to easily be able to walk away and call her dad or me).

Finally, as many of you suggested, he indicated we should file for child support, but in the end, the grandparents basically told him they would be the ones financially supporting SD above and beyond us of course, and just to expedite the case and hopefully convince BM to not contest it, we opted not to file for it. We will have SD for a total of 3 years, and BM has no intention of working, and even if she did, it would be minimum wage, so it's really REALLY not worth the struggle, especially with two people willing to help out should the need arise.

So as it stands right now, he's filing the papers midweek this week. He expects to get them back in 10 days, with a court date of 2 weeks out from then. SD's birthday is 2/1, and it looks if all goes according to that schedule, that may be her biggest birthday gift, never having to go back to BM's house ever again...

We told SD all of this on Sat night. Sat down and had a long talk with her about how it's all going to work, and stressing to her that she is considered mature enough by the court to make this decision for herself, but part of that comes with being able to say this is what she wants, and state why, when asked. We're having her do some writing on this subject, so that when pressed, the words come more easily to mind. If BM doesn't contest it, SD will actually never have to say it to anyone, though the weekend we'll be keeping her FH decided that after he picks her up he is going to have SD call BM, and tell her, then he'll take the phone back and deal with the wrath. But beyond that, she may never even have to say it to the judge, unless, like I said, BM contests it.

We will see though, I still fear for BM's reprisal over all this.I talked with SD about it, what to do if BM shows up at her school and demands she go with her, things like that. I have to look for cell phone recording devices online today, b/c she is going to stalk FH nonstop, that is a promise. We will probably have to get a restraining order on her, and maybe even file harassment charges, and I want a log of all her calls to back this up, plus recordings of the crap she says. FH will eventually have to block the number and tell her to correspond via email only, I have no doubt it will come to that.

But it's all worth it, seeing that girl smile so much. seeing her working diligently on her homework here, excited about school and a new start. Hearing her say she wants to live here b/c here we work as a team and she's part of a family rather than an outsider, I know even if it does end up drawn out, as long as she's with us while the battle goes on, she's better off...