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I wish I could crawl under a rock and die!!

nofear74's picture

Here goes another novel. Here's the condensed version of my story although I don't know how much I can really shorten it. My kids lived with me from the ages of 2 and 3 to the ages of 9 and 10(first 4-5 years just with me, and the next 2-3 with me and my current wife). Just recently they both decided to move in with their mother, and I told them I didn't have a problem with that because she's gotten her life pretty straightened out since we split. So anyway, they wanted to live with her, so I told them o.k. We agreed on an amount for support and she gave me quite a break because when she paid me support I actually cut hers in half for her, because I didn't want to make her life so hard that she lost everything. Well just recently I got some papers in the mail that she wants to take me back for more support and to modify out custody agreement,this isn't my problem though, so hold on). I called her and we talked, she said she doesn't want to kill me in support, but that she just needed to get the custody thing legal. So anyway, now my wife is mad at my ex-wife, but I told her not to worry it'll be o.k. She then goes onto Facebook and posts a comment about my ex-wife knowing full well that my kids can read it because they are on here friends list. She did not use my ex wifes name, but my kids aren't stupid and new who she was talking about. So my daughter gets on and tells her that her mom isn't evil, that she is(my wife). Then my wife and my daughter get into it. To make a long story short, now my wife tells me that if I have my children at our house anymore that I'm picking them over her and our two little kids that we have together, and I need to decide who it's going to be! I can't choose one child over another or my wife over my kids for that matter. Please if you have any advice help me. I will fill in the rest of the shortened story when I have more time.

Comments

iwishyouwould's picture

There is something else going on under the surface. Sounds like she just snapped to me, and that most likely means that something has been brewing, emotionally speaking, inside your wife for a while now. I think you need to find out what the root of all that was - for a normally rational woman to flip out generally means that she has been suppressing something for a long time.

stepkate's picture

As you've said there are more details, but from what you've said here, I think that your wife was right in being upset over your ex possibly taking advantage of you (and she may have thought you were letting her do it). I can see how she could feel that she personally was being taken advantage of.

Your wife, however, was also wrong in badmouthing the children's mother where they could see it (confounded Facebook!). I won't comment on your wife giving you an ultimatum to choose between her and your children, because I have a feeling that the missing details may make that sound a little less crazy, so I'll wait to hear the missing bits of the story for that.

happymostly's picture

oh wow your wife should not have done that. She might end up making things worse between your ex wife and you! hopefully your ex wife is not trying to get more money from you.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Your wife shouldn't have done that. However, she may be worried of your ex's motives. Why now all of a sudden is she wanting to make the custody agreement 'legal'? Why not when you had custody? If you take it to the state then they usually have a formula to figure out child support and don't deviate from that. Your wife may be worried that the cs will go up and even that your visitation will go down. Just a thought. And be careful!

anabihibik's picture

Your ex - sounds a little suspicious. Sometimes, in legal cases, even if you have in writing that you both agree on a lower amount of CS than would be mandated by a court, the court doesn't care and you still have to pay more. Be careful there. Although, I do think if you do things the legal way and in paper, a lot of times, that leaves less free radicals roaming around.

Your wife - While I think we're missing some crucial part of the puzzle.... There is never a good excuse to bash a parent where the child is going to see/hear it. NEVER. BF occasionally says things about his ex in front of his son, which makes me cringe. I explained to him that I have a "not in the same building and never on the internet" rule. I will never say anything negative about his ex-wife while in the same building as his son or on the internet for this reason. So, when I catch BF saying something, I say "same building" and he stops. I would question if your wife might be feeling some embarrassment and shame and not want to own up to it to a child. But, I don't know her, so remember that's a speculation. Her reaction sounds like an anxiety or control type response to me.

Rags's picture

Unfortunately it sounds to me that your XW figured out how to develop in to a decent human being and your current wife has not.

It sounds to me as if your wife needs a major clarity session stating just what you stated here. That you will not choose one child over the other nor will you allow your wife to force you in to a situation that is untennable.

Certainly the marriage should be the focus and priority for both you and your wife. However, your wife is not making the marriage first. If she were she would be working with you on this issue rather than forcing you in to a situation that is entirely artificial and of her making.

IMHO of course.

Best regards.

Rags's picture

Not necessarily. I was just commenting based on the limited information provided by the blogger.

Absolutely everyone is allowed the occassional mistake and associated do-over. I am huge proponent of the do-over and have benefited from it many times in my life.

Becoming a "decent human being" is a life long journey IMHO and in this case BM seems to be making progress and DW is having some difficulty.

Things can change.

Best regards.

nofear74's picture

First, I thank you all for your responses to my post. I do agree with StepAside too. My problem is that even throughout our marriage, over the years, my wife has been fairly nasty to my children, and even her children sometimes, but with ALL of the issues we've had, my kids were always the ones to get shipped out when I was at work. My parents watched my 3 kids every day I had to work, so my wife didn't have to for a very long time due to issues with her son. Now, her son is now straightening out, and I understand that I can't hold a grudge, but I don't think that my ex is the ONLY issue in this equation. She is a total bitch and I honestly can't stand her, but my point of this was to say that my wife is not being mature, nor has she ever been mature when it comes to problems with MY kids. If it's problems with her kids then we should bend over backwards to make them feel "ok" about things, and I'm tired of it. That's what I meant about the whole story not being heard. It sucks because I love my wife, but I don't love the things she's done. I've made mistakes too, but I can't keep having my children rejected. Sorry, I vented again. Thanks again all.