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One of my pregnancy worries

New_to_this's picture

I didn't sleep at all on Saturday night. I'm newly pregnant and it's been a long journey with me and DH to get to this point, including fertility treatments. I feel very lucky and all I hope is to have a healthy baby. Along with general worries about pregnancy, I just discovered that my due date is the same week as SS's birthday and now I'm horrified.

SS is an absolute brat on his birthday. I've spent 3 of his birthdays with him so far and every year has been terrible. His 8th birthday was the first I spent with him and I attributed the poor behavior to his young age. On this birthday, I had an unbelievable toothache (which eventually was root canaled) and, amongst other things, he told me that I should go home, so that he could have fun bowling with his dad and sister. Instead, I sucked up the pain, because I wanted him to be happy on his birthday. That same year, on SD's birthday, I was surprised that DH bought SS a gift along with buying SD's birthday gift. His response was that SS cries and throws a fit when SD opens her present, so he always gets a present too on her birthday. What??! Obviously, he's not old enough to go to birthday parties or have his own if he gets jealous on other people's birthday or just isn't a nice person when it's "his day".

On his 9th birthday, we told him he could invite his neighborhood friends for cupcakes to help celebrate his birthday. We had already given him his birthday presents and made him his favorite meal. This child has everything he could want and our intention was NOT for anyone coming over for cupcakes to get him gifts, yet he told his friends that he was having a party and asked them for a present.

On his 10th birthday, he "made" us go to a restaurant that was expensive, crappy, and made us sick, because he had never been there before and wanted to try something new. My repeated attempts to steer him in a better direction for dinner was met with "I want this and it's my day". DH, of course, says nothing and let's it happen. Then, we decided that we would see a movie. SS really wanted to go play laser tag on his birthday, but I'm not a big fan, so DH told him that he would take SS and SS's friends to laser tag in a few weeks. This should have been a great plan. SS gets a movie today AND laser tag with friends in the future...but no, he wants to do laser tag and wants it now. So, he tells me to, again, go home, so he can play laser tag with his dad and sister. I blame DH for basically telling SS, the reason he doesn't get exactly what he wants is because of me. DH and I had a huge argument and I agree to play laser tag so SS was happy on his 10th birthday. The biggest issue is that DH allows this and thinks that he can do or say whatever he wants because it's his day. SS knows it and uses it to his full advantage. The only upside was that after I had multiple arguments with DH that day and night, DH apologized and realized what he did wrong. When SS asked DH the next day when he was going to go to laser tag with his friends, DH told him that he already went to laser tag on his birthday and that was it.

Fast forward to the present - I decided to be honest with DH and I told him that I realized that our baby would have a birthday close to SS's birthday and it kept me up at night. I told DH that I was concerned that SS would say things like "don't have the baby on my birthday", or be moody, or even expect DH to leave me while I'm in labor to celebrate his birthday. DH brushed off the concerns and said that it's a long time from now and SS could mature and it's not something to worry about. DH's answer did nothing to alleviate my worries. It just makes me think even more that I have to take care of myself because no one else will.

So now I'm not going to complain or say anything. I'm just going to make sure I eat and stay healthy. I'll go for long walks to avoid DH, SS, and SD if I have to, so I don't have to hear dumb or insensitive comments. If I start getting annoyed, I'll just say I have to go to the bathroom, then go to my bedroom and not come back. I'll visit my parents more often - instead of taking care of others, I feel taken care of when I'm there. I'll spend more time in my bedroom relaxing or taking walks.


tessa12's picture

They won't share a birthday. I promise. : ) Focus on having a wonderful pregnancy and healthy, beautiful. Congratulations. There's nothing better.

oneoffour's picture

Oh honey... just tell the manchild/ little emperor that the baby will arrive when the baby is ready. This is one of life's little mysteries. Babies come when they are ready and not when a 10 yr old decides. And in future you are not asking his advice or opinion about anything.

I would then tell DH he better do something about the maturity level he expects to erupt out of his son because contrary to his idea, children need to learn life is not all about them. It isn't a concept that is switched on by a hormone.

Sadly unless DH gets his act together you will be raising this child alone.

coping's picture

I get it. I have a son with my husband. (he has older children from a prior marriage). I PURPOSELY planned my babies birth away from their birthdays to not have to deal with this crap. My suggestion is to have SS's b-day party and then plan your BS's bday and keep the separate. Maybe have SS's birthday a little early and BS a week later. If DH wants to combine them, remind him how far apart in age they are and it just won't work.

FTMandSM's picture

I wouldn't worry too much about this...(I know easier said than done). But you almost NEVER give birth on your exact due date. My due date changed so many times. I was due December 9th and my water broke on November 19th.

New_to_this's picture

Thank you all for your words of support and suggestions Smile I just need to keep telling myself that the baby will come when it comes and I can't worry about what might happen with SS. I can't rely on SS maturing in the next year, in fact, he'll probably just get worse with jealousy issues. I'm just going to focus on me and the baby and try not to stress about any of the drama around me Smile