12 yr Step-Daughter has no dicipline!
Wow. Where do I even start!! I been with my husband for almost 3 years, married for 3 months. Everyone told me things would get harder after we got married, this is so true. Let me just give you a few examples: REHEARSAL DINNER NIGHT: Fiance drove with his daughter to OUR rehearsal dinner, leaving me and my daughter behind to drive iwth family. Apparently he brought the pourche and didnt have room for all of us. so they went and we had to meet them there. 2. We decided to have my daughter (4yrs old) and his daughter (12) leave the reception the next eveing by 930 sot he adults could enjoy themselves. His daughter ended up staying the whole night AND after her father and I cut the cake... she went up on stage and cut the cake with him too. Thank god I didnt see this at the time.. but yes.. there were pictures. Made me sick. Her standing up there with him, holding hte knife, cutting the cake. HOW ODD IS THAT?
One evening we got into an argument, i walked away and she whispered to her dad "this is how she acts when you're not around"!!! THE NERVE! I am always so nice to her. Granted we only see eachother every-other-weekend (thanks god) and every wednesday.
Now her new thing is that she HATES our house. Every night she sleeps over, she comes and knocks on our door between 11pm and 4am!! Usually knocks around 3x a night. Waking me up. Then he lets her sleep in as late as she wants.. then I have to get up with my daughter, exhausted, at 7am the next morning. just RUDE.
She always thinks she is part of adult conversation.. she throws a fit if we dont eat where she wants, she talks back to her dad saying.. "shut-up". If her dad asks her to do something, she simply says "no". She never cleans off her plate at dinner (my 4 year old even knows how to do this". It's CRAZY!
My finace told me that I need counseling.. well.. I did go to counseling and my therapist told me that I'm not the one with the issue,.. my husband is. He wont discipline his own daughter. He has it embedded in my head that I have this major ISSUE with HIS daughter. Oh please... she acts like a brat.
He doesnt have a good relationship with her mother. She really wants nothing to do with her daughters behavior at our house. She got fed up and said "just take her to counseling"... same thing Ive been telling him to do for 2 years. He still hasnt done it. unbelievable.
I dont know how much more i can take. I wonder why I even got married... even when his daughter isnt here.. i just cringe knowing i will see her again this week.
I leave the dicipling up to him. I grew up with a step-parent and dont feel it's appropriate for SP to dicipline the step-kid. But if she is disrespectful, i call her out on it.
HELP! Any advice?????
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And let me just add: My
And let me just add: My daughter has rules and i give her consequences. I dont let her get away with much of anything. she is so well behaved. Even my husbands family always tell me how well behaved my daughter is. And my husbands father tells me how rude my Step-Daughter is. How out of control. I am not the only one who sees this.
OMG - Ugh, I feel there is a
OMG - Ugh, I feel there is a long road ahead for you. The ladies on this site with similiar experiences will surely post a lot of helpful advice. I don't really have any other than hopefully you will find a way for your DH to wake up! She'll only behave worse if he doens't realize who the problem is!
I sure hope so, i need it!.
I sure hope so, i need it!. oh and let me say this. We got inot a fight one evening and my SD said "im so scared". Her dad took her into the spare bedroom to sleep with her that night. PLEASE! He said he wasnt going to do that again, and since that happened, 2 months ago, it hasn't. I have just gotten to the point where I tell him what I would do in his situation and he can take my advice, or not. But usually he doesnt.
My husband didn't dicipline
My husband didn't dicipline his daughter either, she was nine when we met and I remember going to the grocery store and her having a full on fit because (I) said no to the $40.00 cabage patch doll which her father should have done. Wish I would have had a crystal ball. I over looked it and look where I am today 24 yrs later doing the same thing over and over. It won't change, sorry to say unless he changes. SD still pulling baby shit at age 32.
Wow! My story! SO's DD6
Wow! My story! SO's DD6 would just walk right into our room! So did the bulldozer 17 year old! I think that is wrong! She seriously acts like she's the wife at his house. It's gross! I said so to SO and his answer was to put a lock on the bedroom door! How about some rules and manners! I don't need a lock on my bedroom door. My sons would NEVER walk right in! After the lock on the door, the 6 year old would tap lightly on the door about 7am on Saturday. "Daaaaad.I'm awaaaake." Fine. Be a kid and go eat some cereal and watch your eternal iCarly!
yea, we had an incident when
yea, we had an incident when his daughter came into our room. She found some lubrication or soemthing, and she wrote her dad this NASTY note saying "I'm so disgusted at you. I dont want to spend time with you. I can't believe you are doing those things. you need to stop. I dont want any sibilings. I feel like I want to kill something".. Ok. The last line? Totally crazy! I actually FOUND the note.. my husband didnt show me. But I do recall him telling me that she wrote him a nasty note like that. I told my husband we have to get a lock on the door. He said just shook it off. she has NO right being in our bedroom. She doesnt come in it when I'm there. Anyways, I took the note to my therapist when I went, and she said my SD has anxiety issues. UHHH!
Lostlisa, Would you do it all
Lostlisa, Would you do it all over again? How in the world did you keep your sanity? This is my first marriage, and I always told myself i wanted to get married ONCE for the right reasons. Now I am second guessing everything. I guess I need to just be patient? I told my husband that if his daughter acts out on the weekends (same weekends I have my daughter) that I will be doing things separate from him and his daughter. I dont want the bad behavior rubbing off on her. My husband gets so mad that I do this and he says "you are letting her win (meaning his daughter)"... I dont get it.
Would I do it all over again.
Would I do it all over again. HELL NO!!!, I am sitting here wondering why I am still here. If you have no children together, don't for a while and see if things get better. I had 2 kids within 2 yrs, so why did I stay, I guess that's why. His daughter will influence your daughter her whole life, so if it doesn't stop you know what your in for.
Wow...this is my story too.
Wow...this is my story too. It is so frustrating to have a 10 yr kid be treated as if they were a "spouse", have all the privileges of being an adult, but no responsibilities. And then to top it all off the kid is the most immature, needy, whiney, entitled brat that ever walked. If my BF daughter spoke intelligently, had a genuine interest in a conversation other than hearing herself talk, and really showed that she cared about anything more than herself...I wouldn't mind her being a part of our conversations that are in her hearing distance. The more she whines the more she gets, the more she lies and acts up...the more she is believed and commended. THe more immature she acts the more entitled she becomes. Perhaps she is an evil genius...lol I don't hold her accountable for all her actions...her dad (my BF), her grandmother (my BF mom who had about equal time raising her)and BM (who could care less if she ever sees her daughter and has no part in her raising since she left her father)are the ones who have greated this mess and don't see a problem with it.