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My baby is just as much apart of DH as the stepkids

newbiestepmom25's picture

amber3902's post got me boiling and stirred up some feelings. I am white Canadian but I was raised in west Virginia so I have an accent and I'm just your typical blonde haired blue eyed petite (still have a little baby weight) country girl. DH is mixed African American and white. His father is African American and he swears my baby is not DH's because he has blonde hair. We did a paternity test but still DH's family looks at me sideways and will love all over the stepkids but will not even hold or say hi to baby. It really does hurt me. Plus all I hear from DH's side is how he loves those white girls just like his daddy. I find offensive and not funny.

I love DH and he loves me our race should no play a factor in how we are looked at. I can't stand to be around his family everything I do they make into a joke they call me a hillbilly or a snow bunny. They say my baby is way to white. they say " DH you get with them white girls cause you can't handle a black woman".
I love everyone and I don't look at skin color or nationality as a way to categorize others. We are all human and love is love. And my baby was made from love and is apart of the family dammit!

Ok that was my rant for the day

Comments

chokinonlemons2u's picture

How stupid and ignorant of them. Does your baby really need such toxicity in life from even family?

It wouldn't be ok for caucasion relations to demean a child for being too darkly pigmented or say such hateful terms as 'tar baby' and it isn't ok for African relations to say these things either.

With Colorism sometimes the colored community can be its own worse enemy Sad

theoutsider's picture

This story reminds me of a short story I read in middle school. It's by Kate Chopin, Desiree's Baby. I'll give a quick summary. This is pre- civil war era deep south.

This girl Desiree, is an orphan, "looks white" was raised by a prominent white family. Marries a man who also "looks white". This man's mother died in childbirth. And his father, a very wealthy white plantation owner, died a year beforehand.
Anyways, he and she are married, she gets pregnant, has a baby.... and everyone freaks out,... the baby is black.
The man, who is from a prominent established family, accuses the girl (who again is an orphan-so nothing is known about her parents) of being "mixed blood with blacks". As she is dragged kicking and screaming from the home, she points out that her husband is even darker toned skin than she is, "how could I be black?" The wife is sent away with her "dark skinned baby".

Then the reader finds out the husband has letters hidden in his desk drawer from his mother to his father saying, THAT THE HUSBANDS MOTHER WAS BLACK!

So this whole time he was "hating" this other race, it was his own,...

It's a great teaching tool,... but also to comment...

My mother always told me she didn't want me to marry another race, she had several friends growing up that were mixed race.... stating simply how hard she has seen for "the kid" to fit in. That the kid "sticks out" with this side of the family and "sticks out" with the other side of the family. Early on, before school, we get our identity from our family and if our family does feel connected to us and us to them, it causes problems for the child's growth and development.

It really sucks that your kid is caught in the spit-fire going back and forth.

stepinafrica's picture

Some blacks have a lot of issues with color. Very complicated issues that would take a while for an outsider to understand.

Stay away from these people and by all means protect your baby. Don't take it personally though.

sc12's picture

Believe it or not I go through something similar. However my dh and his family are white as am I. But My in laws do the same thing when it comes to my children vs skids. They favor my ss over my bio sons because my bio sons are MY sons and they dont like me. The race thing in your case is actually not an issue. Thats just a way for people to put something between them when there is something else going on. My late friend was black and he was not one of those people who got offended by jokes and things. He was usually the one to start them and had more jokes than any of us put together. But when it came down to it he would use the black card as a way to defer an issue. Its not that your white and they are not its that its a typical family thing of not liking who their son married. They just use it race as a crutch. And as for the babys looks, My cousin has 3 kids with her husband who is a dark mexican, The first came out with red hair and white as rice, the second came out dark skin and dark hair, and the third is on the way. Its just random selection of genetics. So breath and dont take it personally. And your love for your baby is more than enough to compensate for the favoritism.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Stay away from them, like everyone else said. It's really a shame they can't see past their own ignorance and bigotry to accept your baby as part of the family.

DH is caucasian, I'm Chinese, so our soon to be baby will be mixed... in an all caucasian neighborhood. DH is worried about her not being accepted by his race, and I'm only mildly worried about mine. But our families will love her so I guess in the end it doesn't really matter. As long as she's comfortable being herself, that's all that counts.

I do get a lot of comments from the older generation of DH's family and their friends about being DH's "China Doll." They always say it so nicely and compliment me on my looks, so I don't take offense to it, but it is kind of strange to be referred to that way.