NEED SOME ADVICE HELP!!!
My BF has moved in now with his children and we are having some issues now regarding $. He is telling his Ex-Wife that he will pay half of sport activites and I don't agree with it at all. I think he pays her enough $ in child support and we can't really afford it right now. He deleted her text she sent him to last night so I was upset about that as well. I don't really know what to do, she is a crazy BM! She wants to be friends with us and stand next to us at activities. I don't know what to do! HELP ME!!
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It's none of your busines
You aren't even married to this guy. How long have you been dating? If he wants to help pay for his childrens activities it is none of your business. You don't have joint accounts I assume. Is he paying his share of household expenses,rent,electricity,etc.? If so let him do something nice for his kids for weeping out loud. As long as he's pulling his weight.
If he and Ex were still married he would be helping pay for activities. His responsibility to those kids still exist adn he is a really good father for realizing this. You should be happy he's a decent guy not giving him grief about it.
He isn't a deadbeat dad!!!! That's a good thing!!!!
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
No he's not paying any rent
No he's not paying any rent or any of his half of his expenses at all! That's why I was really hurt by it all! I don't want to give him grief and yes he's a good dad, but he's definetly not doing his part at all. Thank you though for your advice.
Yep, I second the KICK HIM OUT
Even if he isn't a deadbeat dad, he's a deadbeat roommate and therefore doesn't not deserve the pat on the back Goodmom thinks he does.
The resentment will only increase. Draw your line in the sand ASAP and make him tow it or tell him "Don't let the door hit ya where the lord split ya!"
If the man ismn't paying rent
Then you need to boot him to the curb. He needs to be pulling his weight as far as rent and utilities go.
So many jumped my ass before you made this clarification so let ME clarify.
If he was paying his share and youw ere just moaning that you wanted to use the money for other things then it would be none of your business. However, you are toting him financially right now and that ain't cool.
Money troubles for some meanas they can't pay on their BMW that month which to that I would say tough titty. Not paying rent is a totally dofferent ballgame though.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
But they can't afford it
Since he is living at her house, it is her business. It sounds to me like she's going to end up paying for BF's kids activities by covering his expenses. I'm with Crayon, kick him out.
Presumably you are considering marrying BF. If he is not consulting you on these issues before he decides, then this is a problem.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
He needs to tell BM
that he pays her child support to help her out with this sort of stuff. If it's not court-ordered, he shouldn't have to pay for it. He shouldn't give her a cent above what he's court-ordered to give her, and if there's no court order in place, he needs to get one in place.
If she wants to stand next to you, if your relationship with her is ok, then it doesn't sound like a bad idea, but if she's not a sane person, and gives your BF a hard time, then politely decline her invite, but let your skids know where you'll be sitting/standing so they'll know where to look for you.
(wry chuckle)
Good one, Crayon. Even when there is love, it seems to boil down to that.
Read my post. I said....
Read my posts ladies:
I said if he is SUPPORTING HIMSELF AND PAYING RENT then it's none of your business.
If he isn't then stop your b*tching and kick him out.
Simple.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
Crayon
If you have men not pulling their fair share financially leave them. Simple as pie. I don't feel sympathy for women who stsya with men like that and then come to forums to complain. The guy has to pay CS. He is doing more than some do with that alone. If he isn't willing to work more to gain extra income after CS is paid, well, then it's on the GF to decide whether or not she wants to put up with it.
I don't blame the guy for wanting to help out with his kids though. At least he isn't spending it on booze and strippers. It could be worse. It's on the OP to decide what SHE is going to do becasue it looks like dad is going to do for his kids. I don't blame dad and I wouldn't blame OP for leaving either. It is what it is.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
Hell no
If he is not carrying his weight - he gets no extra money for nothing. He is responsible for that expense.... not you.
Tell him if after he pays
Tell him if after he pays for half of the living expenses (his half) and he has money left over then he can do what he wishes with it, but in the meantime if he can't even cover his half of expenses...then no more money to kids or BM, other than what is court ordered. But I have to agree with the rest of them...get out while you can...before you are more intrenched in this relationship. He might be a good dad, but that's because you've made it possible for him not to be a deadbeat, but if he had to pay for his own living expenses and child support, bet he'd be a deadbeat dad...sounds to me like he's using you!
Kick him out.
All you can look forward to in this relationship is more of the same. Say goodbye to your money, your independence, having any say in your own household. If he can move in with you and be fine with not paying for half the living expenses, but be willing to pay EXTRA child support, he is a leech. I agree with crayon, he's looking for a sugar mama. If you let him stay, you are it.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
Okay.... Yes, Goodmom, if
Okay....
Yes, Goodmom, if he were still living there he would be helping out with child activity funding. However, he's already paying CS, and if he's like many of the other DH's/SO's etc he's paying more than enough in CS and BM needs to at a minimum pay for activities.
When two people move in together finances are each others business....period.
Would I be upset if my ex told me he couldn't pay for our daughter to play soccer b/c his wife wouldn't let him? Yes. However, if she told him no b/c he wasn't paying any household expenses or was behind in household contributions I'd understand.
Our BM had paid for the skids to play soccer and for SS12 to rock climb. It's the least she can do since he pays out a lot of support. She in no way should get to build a nest egg while DH and I watch our money fly right out of our checking accounts.
To Needadvice- You posted that BF just moved in with kids? If the skids are living with you, why is he still paying CS?
"I aint no Carol Brady"
I don't agree.
As long as they are both paying their share of the bills what is done with what is left is no ones business. I never had to explain to my room mates what I was spending out of my personal money just because I was living with them, why should it be any different for a BF and GF. There is no financial legal responsibility there EXCEPT to pay your fair share of the bills.
There is a legal financial responsibility to children though and I don't believe just because you pay CS mean you can never do anything extra for your own children IF YOU CHOOSE TO. I guess non-custodial parents shouldn't haev to buy birthday gifts or christmas gifts eiither since they pay child support right?
It needs to be kept within reason obviously buy like I said, If the man is paying his bills it's none of the girlfriends business what he does with his money. If is ISN'T toting his weight then the girlfriend needs to wise up and boot him out.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
I don't agree.
As long as they are both paying their share of the bills what is done with what is left is no ones business. I never had to explain to my room mates what I was spending out of my personal money just because I was living with them, why should it be any different for a BF and GF. There is no financial legal responsibility there EXCEPT to pay your fair share of the bills.
There is a legal financial responsibility to children though and I don't believe just because you pay CS mean you can never do anything extra for your own children IF YOU CHOOSE TO. I guess non-custodial parents shouldn't haev to buy birthday gifts or christmas gifts eiither since they pay child support right?
It needs to be kept within reason obviously buy like I said, If the man is paying his bills it's none of the girlfriends business what he does with his money. If is ISN'T toting his weight then the girlfriend needs to wise up and boot him out.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
I don't agree.
As long as they are both paying their share of the bills what is done with what is left is no ones business. I never had to explain to my room mates what I was spending out of my personal money just because I was living with them, why should it be any different for a BF and GF. There is no financial legal responsibility there EXCEPT to pay your fair share of the bills.
There is a legal financial responsibility to children though and I don't believe just because you pay CS mean you can never do anything extra for your own children IF YOU CHOOSE TO. I guess non-custodial parents shouldn't haev to buy birthday gifts or christmas gifts eiither since they pay child support right?
It needs to be kept within reason obviously buy like I said, If the man is paying his bills it's none of the girlfriends business what he does with his money. If is ISN'T toting his weight then the girlfriend needs to wise up and boot him out.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
WHOA!!!!
Sorry about all the repeat posts. I'm not too sure what happened there. User malfunction obviously.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
He's not paying rent???
Needadvice you can do better than this. Please, I beg you, kick him out and start over. There is nothing in this for you.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
I would tell FH that if he
I would tell FH that if he has enough money to give out addition CS then he can afford to pay his fair share of household expenses. Whatever he is paying you, I would ask him for at least double. If he pays nothing I would ask for at least half the rent.
no paying half?
I;d say if he wasnt paying his half of the bills in the house then NO on any xtras other than what is court ordered. you may no be married but living together is more than living in the same house finances may be separate, but things should be equal!!! It is not your job to support him so he can support the BM!
If he cant do that then I'd get out why you still can...
Thank you for all this
Thank you for all this comment, there are great.
I understand your situation it's really difficult! Good luck.
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