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I know I said I didn't mind, but....

myspoonistoobig's picture

This was the text of a postcard SS received today.


I miss you. I love you. God loves you more! Today is the first day of summer, yah! We pray 4u daily, knowing God helps you to be a blessing to Little Sisters!


I know that I said I didn't mind him being raised Christian, but seriously? I really feel like all of this is blatant overkill; compensation for us being the 'heathens' that we are. Just over 30 words and you throw down the God once for every ten words?

I know it's not a big deal, but really... overkill for real. This is not a postcard he would receive while on vacation with BM.

Just beating myself back from finding more ways to get around the CO. I know I could, but I know it's wrong. It's wrong to do that to a kid.

I just don't like having Jesus peddled in my home at every f***ing opportunity. Because of course, who does he ask to read his postcard to him?


I'm this close to finding every children's bible, Christian coloring book or short cartoon (the cartoons I BOUGHT for him) by the way, just to make my home an indoctrination-free zone.

And one word from BM about taking his little ass to church or guiding him through thrice-a-day prayers and I will burn that f***ing stuffed Jesus.

Please try not to be offended by my rant. It's just a rant.

How would you like it if someone was trying to push a faith into your home?


realitycheckmom's picture

LOL It is like forcing a Jewish person to celebrate Christmas. Smile I get it. I may be Christian but I always felt bad that the Jewish kids got our religion crammed down their throats when I was in school. (Public school a millenia ago).

realitycheckmom's picture

Nice Echo!!!! It really is relational aggression towards you and DH since SS cannot read. Perhaps a bit of PAS too. Smile

myspoonistoobig's picture

You nearly nailed it. I tried, but I just could not bear to read 'God loves you more!'

I realize that he's five, but that moment that he told me that I was supposed to love God more than my husband and that I was wrong for not is sticking in my mind unpleasantly. Sad

3LittleDragonflies's picture

Oi, this is why children need to not get the "dumbed down" version of the Bible.

I think the passage he was referring to is part of Ephesians 1, my pastor did a sermon on it a few weeks ago. In short (aka, children's version), it says love God above all others. A longer explanation is that we, as humans, have a weight we carry. We tend to put that weight on things we love the most (God, our spouse, our children...) and use them to identify ourselves (Christian, wife, mother...). However, only God can take that weight, and if we put it on our spouse, children, job, whatever, we will crush that under a weight it wasn't meant to bear.

Sorry if I muddled the explanation up, I felt I had to try to explain it at least. Someone is obviously feeding this boy half explanations/ truths. Sad

myspoonistoobig's picture

I told him that I considered my expression of love to his Dad is something I consider divine, but I had to dumb that down, obviously.

I don't think he meant it to sound how it sounded, it's just an adjustment for me to have this kid who's being groomed to be a big JC freak (I mean that affectionately Wink in my house with me all the time!

And I think at the heart of the matter is that it's reminding me of how little time I've been making for myself for my own faith lately, between work and the kids and everything.

So I should really focus more on that Smile

realitycheckmom's picture

Aww Dtzy, that is a Jewish thing. They don't like to lose members of the tribe. IT is ingrained to fiercely protect and promote the religion. I have a friend that married a Catholic girl and his parents are great about it. His grandparents are happy and say nothing even though she is raising the grandson Catholic. We have other friends that are not so lucky.

realitycheckmom's picture

The not talking about it is part of it too. You are supposed to keep trying to persuade them because you have to really want to be Jewish. It is very crazy. They don't solicit conversion, one of the laws. I really don't know all of them and I should but my family religion was a private/personal thing and most of my family is lapsed.

It would be awesome for BS13 to get involved with a synagogue now. He is a little behind the kids his age but it doesn't matter. He can go learn and decide for himself what religion he wants to follow. There are also so many different levels of Judaism as well. He just needs to find what is best for him. Smile

myspoonistoobig's picture

Oh yeah, the MIL's are extra special.

Mine called DH in tears claiming I was the devil and had put a spell on her cat.

But at least she's mum about it when she's in my house!

I never thought I say this, but thank Goodness for my surly antisocial MIL!

myspoonistoobig's picture

Hahaha! The 'wtf is this?' grip!

I've gotten that a few times as well, for similar things. Smile

realitycheckmom's picture

I have never seen anything like it. The teacher says lets take a moment and pray before this final and then says out loud "Please Heavenly Father..." I was shocked beyond belief. I can see it in a private Christian school but not a public government funded one.

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

Allah is God. God is Allah. They are literally one and the same; its different names for the One God of

realitycheckmom's picture

:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

Stepbell's picture

I don't like bashing any beliefs either nor do I get offended. I've had religion shoved at me all my youth and its irritating to deal with. I did in another post make jabs at a BM but she's not going to count because I think she's just plain nuts Wink

purpledaisies's picture

Yea the over the top crap gets to me too. I'm not religious but spiritual and honestly I think Jesus was a man that roamed this earth once but a son of God? Don't get Mr wrong he had a very great influence on religion but as far as more than a man not too sure of that. And the Moses story has a very logical answer that has happened again in the 80s. Off on a rant there sorry but yea over the top and annoying to say the least.

My mil demanded one day to know why we don't go to church and wanted answer by the end of that week. Why I don't know but I don't think it is anyone else's business what religion or spiritual practice you have in your home.

myspoonistoobig's picture

I think the restrictions you place on yourself, or would encourage your son to place on himself, are a bit unnecessary. I hope you don't really feel like you're being persecuted because there are limitations on who can endorse, conduct and facilitate public prayer!

Honestly, it's none of our business if BM sends SS to a public school. Our worry isn't really the religion so much as the other things we worry may come with it. Homophobia... intolerance... that sort of thing.

One of the biggest challenges for me, and the reason I will not ask them to stop, is that it is important to me that he doesn't feel like he HAS to hide who he is in my home. I will not tell him no when he asks to say a prayer before dinner. I will not tell him he shouldn't ask me or his father "why did God do this," or "Why did God make that?" I'm sure there will be some boundaries eventually, but I haven't figured out what those will be yet. It is frustrating, because I feel like they're pushing and they don't need to. If I call them out on it they will push harder and feel more threatened. I don't want to push back because that hurts my stepson.

So I kind of feel like I just have to suck it up. Sad Hopefully they will stop pushing, and we'll just be left with the perpetual existential questions and prayers before dinner, which are both okay with me, even if I have to adjust to having them in my home.

It'd be the same if they were sending me or DH parenting books. Something about the what they send with him and what they send TO him makes me feel like they feel like they need to compensate for his 6-week church free period, and it's mildly offensive.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

BM hates religion of all types so we were not surprised when SS informed us that he would no longer bow his head or participate in "saying grace" or "blessing" at the family meal.

Not that he was expected to say anything but just show reverence to our decision to say a blessing.

I guess I was raised "old school" were people were taught to show reverence to another persons religious or political beliefs even if you disagreed. I raised my children that way so it was surprising to me that someone (a minor) would say I refuse to participate in saying the "blessing" in YOUR home.

myspoonistoobig's picture

He could have handily just sat there quietly without feeling the need to announce it. Sounds like he's having typical childhood identity troubles.

Did you explain to him that that sort of thing is rude in another adult's home?

New second wife-step-mom's picture

NO. I didn't say anything just sat there while my heart was thumping out of my chest because I was so aggravated.

DH did not say anything either just looked at him.

Spoiled, selfish, entitled brat.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Ugh. I think I'd have probably said thing. That's like whipping out your phone at the dinner table.

Tuff Noogies's picture

"you will go to hell if you break bread at a table with a whore. (the whore was me). "

:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

ETA- i was raised in an uber strict religion. so *aside* from DC telling a small child that SM is a whore, i would totally have started flipping scripture at that - "well then i guess Jesus is in hell, cuz he broke bread with a whore too"

realitycheckmom's picture

In Germany they do not discuss the Holocaust and for quite some time after they were taught in school that the Holocaust was Jewish propaganda. It's kind of hard to combat that kind of brainwashing. To this day there are many people in Germany in denial.

stormabruin's picture

I don't think that religion does weird things to people. I think people do weird things to religion. I think that religion...whichever one you choose (or choose not) can bring out a lot of good in people.

Sadly, many people excuse their judgement & hate using "religion" as a base.

People skew it to make it what they want it to be. That isn't religion. That's the person/people.

Actions speak louder than words. Anyone can claim to be "Christian". Saying it doesn't make it true. One can say it till the cows come home, but if they have to continue to announce it, there's likely some doubt that their actions are proving it.

That said, if it bothers you to read the postcard to SS, have him take it to his dad to read to him. Don't subject yourself to it.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Oh I 'womaned up' about it. It's annoying, but it's still just a freaking postcard. At least it didn't say 'Your Dad and Mimi will burn in hell you know."

Steppin's picture

My parents still push their religion on me. My whole family is Mormon, and I'm really the only one who has no interest. My mom lives in a different state.. and whenever I've moved to a new city, my mom ALWAYS calls the bishop and gets my records to the right place so that they can come visit me and try to get me to go to church. Sigh. So yes it is annoying...

stormabruin's picture

When they contact you, tell them you're not interested & request they remove your information from their records.

Steppin's picture

Yeah that's really all it is. That's why I never complain. I'm always nice to the people who visit me, and I never say anything bad about Mormons to my parents. I have nothing against Mormons obviously. Everyone in my family is Mormon and they are great people. I'm just not into it. Simple as that. Shrug.

clydella's picture

Religion, it's a touchy subject. Anyone can bend the bible and what it says to prove their point. You know that old saying, have 10 people read the same verse and you get 10 different interpretations.

I grew up and live in the "Bible Belt" religion is pushed on you every day in some shape or form the old hell-fire and brimstone kind. I personally don't prescribe to it. I don't judge or putdown anyone for their religious choice, if it brings you peace & joy in your life I'm happy for you.

As SA said above they feel it's their job to convert the lost. I had a Preacher tell me one time, the saved want to share the love for God they have, therefore it is their job to go out and preach the Gospel and bring Christianity to the lost. I thought wait a minute, I'm not lost, my relationship with God is between me & him, not you, me & him, and were doing just fine.

I do not like when other people try to push their religious views on me, nor would I allow it in my home. For me religion is personal, it's a personal choice, and it's a personal relationship between me & God, as long as he knows my heart is good and kind he will keep me on the path I need to be on.

I understand your frustations, religion, it's a hot button topic, it's get people riled up.

RedWingsFan's picture

DH and I were just discussing this last night. His dad is a deacon for his church and has preached to DH for years and forced him to attend church every Sunday. Well, once DH became of age, he never set foot in a church again unless it was for a wedding or funeral service. He was telling me last night about how his dad used to tell him how it was a sin to live with and sleep with someone before marriage...well, if you all kept up with my FIL's story - he's been man-whoring himself around ever since he got divorced 2 yrs ago! AND he currently has his gf living with him.

To me, most organized religion is simply full of hypocrites saying "don't do this or don't do that or you'll go to Hell". Meanwhile, they're the ones out back smoking, drinking, sleeping around, and saying how horrible everyone else is for doing it!

I'm not religious and my parents never forced anything on me and my ex and I never forced anything on our DD15. Her dad was also forced to attend church and he's the same as DH - won't step foot in a church except for special occasions.

Steppin's picture

That's like me. I was FORCED to go to church for the first 18 years of my life. I feel that I've 'done my time'. I never went again, and doubt I ever will!

myspoonistoobig's picture

BM kept throwing down this 'hate the sin not the sinner' thing with regard to me after DH and I got married.

It bothered me for awhile, till I read this great summation that basically said what I was thinking. "Hate the sin not the sinner is a convenient way of judging someone else for sinning differently than you."

stormabruin's picture

If the postcards offend you, don't read them. As a stepparent, it is not your obligation.

Just J's picture

When my SD was about 9, her mother would send some kind of religious cassette tapes with her to give to my husband on our weekends. I thought that was crap, using your daughter to push your religion on your ex. My DH was raised Catholic, was confirmed as a teenager and even went to a Catholic college (though he is not very religious now; he believes in God but not organized religion). The BM wasn't raised with any religion at all, she "found Jesus" when she was in her 20s and tried to push her beliefs on everyone ever since. DH never said anything about the tapes, he eventually just threw them away, but I thought he should have because its none of her business what MY DH believes. She thought she knew more about God than my DH, like it was some kind of competition. She tried to tell him she knew of a church in our new town that we should check out when we moved once. He told her thanks but no thanks. She's one of those "Christians" that thinks she can do or say anything she wants as long as she goes to church on Sundays. She's not a good person. She's a materialistic, greedy, completely judgmental whore (all sins, no?) and such a bitch, but she's a Christian, so it's all ok. Barf. She even tried to find something in the bible that would justify her divorcing my DH. Yeah, she is stupid.

I an atheist and I'd prefer people keep their religion to themselves. Believe what you want, I have no problem with it, but don't push your beliefs on me. I not going to change my mind or be converted. I'm sure the BM would have flipped her shit if she knew. I'm sure some of those tapes would have been directed my way.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Yes... apparently not all sins are created equal, despite something to that effect being a tenant of the faith.

One of the many reasons I didn't continue on in it.