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Bullying, boundary crossing, bogus bragging brat!

MyDadsWife's picture

Feeling frustrated,
Almost 20 years with DH,(SD32 and SS38).SS,wife,and Sgk's are great. SD has disrespected our marriage from day one,stealing,splitting parents turning against each other,typical stuff. BM married to lover from adultery which caused DH to divorce her.

SD tries to set up "gatherings" on days when I'm at work,taking pics with the BM and my DH,pretending her parents are "still together".

My mother in law refuses to accept our marriage telling me, "oh they(BM and DH)just fell in and out of love at the wrong times but they still love each other"? WTH? MIL calls my cellphone to tell my husband about BM getting into a motorcycle accident,consequently cheating on her husband,she and the driver were both intoxicated killing the driver of the motorcycle they were on. I firmly told my MIL to stop involving us in the ex's business and leave us out of it! I hung up once she wouldn't stop bantering,I get a phone call minutes later from the SD,yelling at me about "her Nana's feelings being hurt",I hung up on her too and haven't made myself available for babysitting, errands, etc.

DH and I were cutoff of social media by SD and not invited to Sgk's b-day, since the motorcycle affair that BM had she moved in with SD and is getting divorced. I just don't want to hear anything anymore about the "poor BM",my DH stays quiet, doesn't set boundaries with his mom,his sisters',daughter,or BM. Reading other stories helped, no more gifts,nothing from me.


Acratopotes's picture

Disengage, block SD and Mil from ever contacting you, make sure your husband gets this...

He will not meet up with SD and BM, DH will not attend gatherings without you, if you are going to a gathering he will be at your side most of the time and show them you are his number one lady....

20 years is a life time dealing with this crap, take control and disengage

MyDadsWife's picture

Thank you for the validation, I've been made to feel like I am the one "disrupting" his kids events/plans when I put my foot down and say no to events BM will be at. We have done the alternate outings after the "family party" but eventually SD and SS try to invite dad to events again and again. So it's him. Just trying to be the peace maker in this ungrateful mess. I am now feeling embarrassed, I'm the only income provider because DH's unemployed for over 4 years as well as on and off employment over previous years and to know I had control over this abuse and that I didn't put a stop to. DH is a really "nice" guy who I just didn't want to hurt, but the sneaky behind the scenes stuff isn't so nice. Thanks again, now time for the new me to kick into gear.

twoviewpoints's picture

Never a dull moment at your house.

After twenty years if SD and MIL haven't accepted you and your marriage, they aren't likely to start now. SO that means if you want things different the changes are going to have to come from within. Why give these ladies a chance to torment you? If you want boundaries, make them , then hold strongly to them.

Honestly? You best start with that husband of yours. He meets up with BM for pictures? Well isn't that just all kinds of sweet! Listen, as long as husband agrees to and runs and does so every time SD calls, I refuse to believe this is all on SD and MIL. There may be something to what MIL says in that these two have never gotten over each other. His actions may be feeding MIL's opinion.

MIL is really the least of your problems. You can block her and stop interacting with her. If she doesn't respect you nor your marriage, really what place does she have in the middle of it. None. So keep her at a distance or build up enough nerve to tell her to mind her own business and mean it. Based solely on ages you've given, I'm thinking MIL must be 75plus, she's not likely to change now and your husband isn't likely to cut her out. That doesn't mean you have to participate in their dysfunction. Stay civil and removed from her shenanigans. 'MIL, I'm really busy right now and don't have time for nonsense gossip, thanks for calling'.

As to the SD, did you really want to go to a birthday party where BM was present? Perhaps your husband and you can invite the child out for lunch and an afternoon and skip all the larger family drama gatherings. You can look at this suggestion as babysitting SD's kid, or you can look at it as spending an afternoon with a child (DH's and your grandson) who you get to spend a bit of time with on your terms.

MyDadsWife's picture

Thank you! You hit the nail on head, time for this unhealthy relationship to change, now its time for the new me to emerge!

hereiam's picture

Why would your husband go to gatherings that included BM?

Block MIL and SD from your phone. If your husband isn't going to set boundaries, set them yourself and stick to them.

MyDadsWife's picture

Good question, I should've asked that years ago. Going to change this, thanks for the wisdom, hard to think proactively when you're being "ganged" up on and "bullied" into participation.