O/T Need Opinions
I'm pretty sure I know what everyone's response to this will be but I just wanted to ask anyway. Do you guys think I should make stbxh be the one to file for divorce? He's the one who really wants this. So far I'm the only one who's had to deal with any of the fallout. I called and made the appt. with the bankruptcy atty. I'm the one who's moved out of the house (I know, I know I shouldn't have). I'm the one who's going to have to pick up all the pieces from this. I've actually contacted a divorce atty. but she told me I had to wait to do anything until after tomorrow's meeting with the bankruptcy atty. because that is a federal thing and no family court will even touch my divorce until that is settled. I'm just so effing tired of hurting and crying I can't stand it.
Anyway ladies and gents do I make him deal with the divorce filing? I'm not going to fight it. I still love him and more than anything want to save our marriage but, he doesn't so I'm moving on the best I can until I can think straight again.
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My XH is the one that walked
My XH is the one that walked away...went to live with his internet GF. However, I had to file for divorce because if I didn't, he never would have.
My SO's XW (Nasty) wanted the divorce, whored around before separation, didn't want the kids, wanted their home foreclosed on, etc, etc. If SO left if up to her, they would still be married. He had to file in order to get it done.
Not knowing what your STBXH is like, I would say if you want to make sure it gets done, do it yourself. Otherwise, it could take a couple of years for him to pull his thumb out of his butt.
For me personally, I would file if I were you, simply because it sounds like YOU need closure on this. It sounds like you are having a tough time of it all...which is understandable but sometimes, this is the best way to get the closure you need.
(((hugs))) I'm sorry you're going through this but you will come out stronger & wiser from the experience.
I was always under the
I was always under the impression that you wanted to be the one to file becaue you are more likely to get what you ask for. I could be way wrong though.
I don't see anything wrong
I don't see anything wrong with having him file for it. Why should you pay the fees upfront. If it doesn't bother you that he may drag it out, then roll with it. Just keep that divorce atty handy for when he does file and keep everything that you can documented.
Just for fun, if you have any utilities in your name still at the house, go ahead and shut those off, and don't mention it to him }:)
*giggle* Oh how fun!
*giggle*
Oh how fun!
That's what I did with my
That's what I did with my divorce, but in my state you have to be "separate and apart for at least 1 year" before you can file.
I guess it depends on the
I guess it depends on the man. I booted my ExH after I found out that he had been having an affair for what turned out to be quite some time. I filed for divorce and it was a damn nightmare every step of the way because my ExH was a lazy ass. He didn't care about a "divorce" he was already with another woman, he had zero intentions of ever marrying again (or so he says) we had no children etc. so what did he care about a "divorce" Screw that! I wanted it over and done, so I could move on and never look back.
I guess it just depends on what YOU want, do you want to live in limbo wondering if/when he will file, if he ever does? What if he never does because he doesn't care like my Ex? Don't forget that legally if you are still married, any bills incurred could be considered marital debt,not sure about insurance either, but my Ex was on my work insurance and my lawyer advised me that legally I had to keep him on there until the divorce was final. (side note: I went against my lawyers advice and removed him the week I booted him, I was not about to continue to pay an extra 100.00 a month for the slime ball)
I really think that you need to get the ball rolling and get it over with.
If you don't file, it may
If you don't file, it may never happen.
See if your district has a fee waiver. If you're broke, you may be able to file for nothing (or very cheap.)
Also, if you get lucky and he doesn't respond, you can get a default judgement.
You "not filing" isn't the same as "making him file."
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I understand you still want this marriage, but I hope you find some help in accepting that sometimes we want things that aren't good for us.
Haha!! I ALMOST got a default
Haha!! I ALMOST got a default divorce... I had left one box to be decided later and that shot me in the foot. Grrr. Instead, it took damn near two years!
Thank you guys for your
Thank you guys for your insight!! Even though I don't know any of you, you always help me to see things clearly. I don't want to be the one to file but I totally agree with everyone that I should because you never know what kind of shit he may pull. The biggest part holding me back is what bookish said, I'm hoping he'll change his mind. I know in reality that's not what will happen I'm just still holding on for some reason and I have to let go. He cheated on me, he's treated me like crap I'm better than this and I deserve someone who will treat me like a queen.
You are right real. I've
You are right real. I've somehow let myself believe I'm not worth anything anymore because of this cheating SOB.
Real - awesome. And very
Real - awesome. And very supportive.
Oh honey, been there, done
Oh honey, been there, done that. I had "hope" for a couple of weeks that my Ex would "choose" our marriage over his little side skank. But then I really started thinking about it and realized that even if he came crawling back, I would never be able to forgive him and the biggest downfall is I would NEVER be able to trust him and I refuse to live looking over my shoulder, living a life full of doubt, second guessing, wondering etc. That is no life to live. I know that some can do it, but not this gal.
The best news is that even though DH drives me nutso sometimes and the whole skid thing sucks, my life is soooo much better now than it was with the ex AND I have a beautiful BS2. I used say that the next person who told me that "things happen for a reason" was going to get their face ripped off... but it really is true. Hang in there!
LOL I'm with ya on that
LOL I'm with ya on that Daisy!! I am sick of hearing that
I know one day I'll look back on all this and laugh I'm just trying to get there little by little.
Nope. Sorry, when somebody
Nope. Sorry, when somebody says they no longer want you, I think the lady thing to do is to say "fine, see ya!" My ex was the one who left. I took him to the airport, when I called to see when his return flight was he said he wasn't coming home...he wanted a divorce. I gave him from Sunday night until Wednesday to change his mind. On Thursday I went and filed for divorce. A week later he was freaked. No matter what, I went through with it. If someone doesn't want me around, i don't want them around. There is no love in the world worth more than MYSELF and MY DIGNITY. You need to do what you need to do. File for divorce...if he comes back, too freaking bad. If he does it once, he WILL do it again. Move on. Have some pride and dignity and move on and be the one to file and do whatever is necessary to get away from the ahole.
Look at it this way: If he
Look at it this way: If he suddenly becomes the man you think he was/want him to be, you can always stop the action or remarry.
However, I think more likely than not, you need to realize that you are BETTER than his "fall back plan." You aren't there to fill in gaps he thinks he has. You deserve a man who treasures your heart. Free yourself from this knucklehead and re-discover who you really are.
Someone who deserves SO much more.