I'd have to agree here. You had to go to the hospital-of course your spouse should be there. I cant imagine my dh calling me and saying he was told to go to the ER for anything and me saying-oh sorry I am busy at work and then not hearing from him for hours would freak me out and I'd be calling all over to the ER's to try and locate him-then I sure as hell wouldnt expect him to make some supper and do dishes when he got home. WOW.

OMG, what an asshole. You have every right to so upset and furious. I would have been scared to death. He should have dropped everything and RAN.

My boyfriend (who lives 40 miles away) rushed up after work without me asking yesterday because my car overheated on the freeway and died (luckily I made it off the freeway but was blocking traffic and sent me into a panic), because he thought I would be stranded. I could have taken the bus home (and ended up getting a ride from my tow truck guy), but he knew I was upset and stressed out and might need help.

THAT is what a man should be doing for his partner. I want to hit your husband over the head with a frying pan.

Maybe you should write him a letter to explain your feelings and what he should have done to help you.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

U sure you want to stay with him? He's really a jerk. You spent hours in the ER and he's worried about dinner?

Sounds like secretly, your clod of a "D"H didn't want to have any more children than his previously enjoyed family.

I'd be planning my exit strategy and also be careful not to have a baby with this horrendous idiot!!

((Hugs))

I am so sorry this happened honey, I had a misscarrage when I was younger and felt so alone and didn't tell anyone but my best friend, I stayed at his house for days while I recovered. There is no excuse for him not to drop everything and come to you, my gay best friend left work for me, dropped everything and came as soon as I called before I even knew what was happening, if a gay man who is just a friend can do that why can't your dh? I would consider seriously whether you want to stay with a man like this for the rest of your life.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I agree with everyone else, your DH was being an insensitive ass.
He should have been there with your regardless of whether or not it's his first pregnancy. I had 2 miscarriages in the past and I would have been livid if my DH didn't drop everything to be at my side.

As far as the bleeding is concerned, I had quite a few bleeding episodes when I was pg with my DS. One time at 10 weeks I ended up taking an ambulance ride to the ER because I was bleeding so heavily. It turned out that I had a subchorionic hematoma which can be common in pregnancy and usually resolves itself. Try not to worry too much about the bleeding now and keep thinking positively!

I'm so sorry you experienced this. Guys that show the most selfish when you're pregnant are just showing you waht they will be from here on out.

My exh was that way-and till this day those things burn me and still hurt me that he could be that way-everything else I've been able to get over but those hospital/birth moments just stay with me.

With my first he almost left the u/s appt to determine the sex because he'd forgotten to place the work order in...after son was born he went back to work the next day (and belive me he was a lazy ass who spent months/years unemployed but yet these times became a workaholic conveniently)...and when he took us home for the first time he sped down interstate to get his order in before a certain time of the day.

I was in a car wreck that had my vehicle totalled when 7 mo preggos w/my 2nd son-transported by ambulance, terrified, labor started and was stopped several times through the night. He came over for less then an hr and decided to go home because he had to work the next day and was tired...my dad was there and got on him because he should call work and be with his wife who was in a serious wreck-he didn't care....I was scared all night-he didn't pick me up the next day at noon as promised-wasn't there for the ultrasound to make sure everything was ok-picked me up at 5pm.

During labor w/my 2nd-he barely went but to one dr appt....the last one, I was 3 weeks early and in labor and high blood pressure-sent to the hospital and he was going home to get my labor/delivery bag and be right back. He showed up 6 hours later after I labored/walked on my own, because he was TIRED and wanted to take a nap and shower and relax. He didn't help coach me through the pain and told me to get the epidural (which I didn't want) and get it over with he didn't have it in him to help me out. '

Then he went BACK to sleep and dr/nurse yelled at him to get up because I'm sitting there ready to push waiting on his ass to wake up and go wash his face and figure out what was going on. AGAIN-he went home the next day (which was his bday) to watch our oldest son and bitched and griped about how he had to spend his bday "babysitting his son" (while im in the hospital having delivered a baby). I came home to a dirty home and when I complained he yelled at me and verbally abused me worse then any time I can remember how I was selfish and he had to spend his bday at the house-and I was going to be at home doing "nothing" and could clean up then-mind you I'm also going through huge hormone changes/rushes and had hardly slept in days. I will never EVER forget the feeling of pain and despair and anguish I felt-I literally fell to the floor sobbing and I never forgave him for his behavior w/that pregnancy/labor/birth time. Is it no wonder my sons both want little to do with him??

My parenst were out of the country-I had nobody to help-I was terrified of having a newborn and 19mo old at home alone. I developed serious post-partum depression that lasted a couple years and became suicidal. A man shows you his character in how he behaves towards you during this time when he should have more empathy and kindness then ever. My suggestion: Cut your losses and don't make your life miserable. I got out when my youngest was 2 1/2 and it should have been sooner.

Yes your DH is indeed a insensitive clod and if you want your marriage to work you're going to have to tell him . . . everytime he does something insensitive or disregards your feelings/well-being.

What he should have done was:

Took off work (going back later if necessary)
Gave you HIS cell phone so you could keep him posted
Picked you up from the hospital
Spoke to the doctor to gain perspective
Stopped on the way home for take-out (so YOU wouldn't even have to think about cooking)
Washed the dishes in the sink (dirty dishes gross me out too so I understand)
Comforted you by telling you everything would be ok and that you're a team and would get through it together
Told you your health was the top priority when you mentioned the issue regarding his "needs"

Since he didn't do these things. It's time for the old slam. Put your foot in his !@!@ and tell him what you told us, how it made you feel, and what you expect.

My DH is also insensitive. A few weeks ago he woke up w/a upset tummy. So I got out of bed at 4:30 am and made him some chamomile tea. He feel asleep like a baby. Last week DH was watching a basketball game. This time I had a queasy stomach and retreated to our bedroom. DH didn't come and check on me once during the commercial break, 1/2 time, double time, no time. I slammed him good and his excuse was "I was watching the game." So I reminded him that I got up out of my sleep to help him but he'd put a stupid game before me? He got it and apologized. I'm prepared to do this every time he does something insensitive. . .until he finally gets it. And if he doesn't he'll wish that he had.

Going forward, I wish you the very best.

I'm really sorry. About two months ago I lost my pregnancy. Just started bleeding. It was heartbreaking.

I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. Men don't think sometimes, but that doesn't excuse his behavior. Try to rest as much as you can and do go to a hotel if you have to in order to rest. Please let a family member or friend know where you are just in case things go poorly with the pregnancy (hopefully everything will be fine!). Do you have an OBGYN where you are? Keep in touch with them if you do. The doctor will want to keep track of what is going on. The bed rest is really important!

I had a miscarriage a few years back. The doctor hoped it wouldn't happen but suspected the process had already started. I went to the doctor on a Friday and by Saturday evening the process had started. My DH, the kids and I were traveling. We shouldn't have tried to travel, but my DH and I were in complete denial that the miscarriage would happen. Anyhow, I don't think my DH realized how serious the situation was until it actually happened and, at that point, I think he was more scarred than I was. Anyhow, a year later I got pregnant and everything went like it was supposed to this time.

I hope everything works out OK. If your DH doesn't shape up, be done with him. From what I read above, he sounds very selfish and self centered.

I agree with the other posts here, but you really don't need the extra stress level now. It isn't good for you or the baby.

I imagine it's next to impossible, but for the moment I would try putting this out of my head as impossible as it might be. Trust me I'm not saying he isn't wrong, but YOU need to focus on YOU and your baby thats depending on you.

Being upset is going to make your blood pressure rise. As far as the dishes go screw them and everything else as far as housework is concerned. Stay off your feet exactly as the Doctor has instructed. Relax as much as possible and ignore anything thats going to upset you.

You have every right to be upset. But please try not to be for the sake of your health and the baby's.

But yes, insensitive to say the LEAST.

I was rushed to the ICU at the hospital a few years ago when I was first diagnosed with diabetes. I was so tired I kept falling asleep and was on the verge of a diabetic coma.

My H, left work and came to be by my side almost the entire time I was there. The only time that he left was when he went home to make my son (his stepson) supper and let him know what was going on.

My H can be insensitive for sure, but when it comes to my health, he makes it a priority.

Don't you find it odd, that you experienced something traumatic and scary and he was in the wrong-yet he somehow turned it around to make it be all about him and how he was wronged and hurt??? CLASSIC abuser work.

I've gotta catch up on some more blogs of yours to read between the lines-but those were some serious red flags.

Ok now it jogged memory-read your past blogs-your H is a typical selfish abuser. Make your exit plan, dump his abusive neglectful ass as soon as humanly possible-you're in for a lifetime of sorrow if you stay. I hate that you are pregnanty by this man honestly-it keeps you tied to him. I wish you would have had a caring man to share this with. Be on the lookout for escalate abuse during pregnancy.

My DH is incredibly abusive, and yet this seems to top even him!

I had called the police on my DH a year and a half ago because he was destroying our bedroom and scared me, so for a while after that, we were on very shaky ground. He blamed me for him being in trouble. (All about him...of course!) While he was barely acknowledging my existence anymore, my father was in a car accident and taken to the hospital. My DH works closest to that hospital, and was there with my father in the ER. (And he doesn't particularly care for my father; they are definitely not close.) As much as DH may have felt that he hated me, he did the right thing without me so much as asking. I always have to remember times like that when I'm not feeling the love from him.

I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy. Pregnancy is never-ending worry even during the best of times! It is a most amazing experience that even though I didn't "like" being pregnant, I am grateful I had the chance, and will never forget the experience. I wish the same for you this time around.

The way my XH acted after my miscarriage was one of the catalysts that ended our marriage. I am so sorry. Honestly, if I were you, I would be running away so fast.