BM wants to change visiting schedule??
So my DH and BM have never had a court order visitation schedule. They were never married and have not been together since SD was around 1 year old. Thats means that they have not been together for almost 7 eyars now (SD will be 8 in June). Ever since they split, they have had a verbal 50/50 agreement with no child support. All school related or extra curricular activities split 50/50. DH has SD every other Thursday after school and every Friday after school to Sunday and takes her to school Monday morning so she can go back to BM's after school.
I married DH when SD was 3 1/2. When I married DH, he had SD a lot more than 50% of the time because BM could really care less how much time she spent with SD. DH had even offered to switch the days around so that BM could have EOW with her so we would be able to have a free weekend to have a date night or plan a weekend away just the two of us. BM refused and told DH that she couldn't have SD on the weekends because she "had a life".
Fast forward a year and BM suddenly becomes SUPERMOM and starts to have SD on her normal agreed upon days (Monday-Wednesday and every other Thursday). This is still fine with DH. He was glad she had stepped up as a mother and took a more active role in SD's life. I was glad because it was a more grounded environment for SD.
Fast forward to now. BM is bitching at DH every other week about how she needs more money for herself (not SD) even though DH has offered to pay for 100% of al cost associated with SD. Then this weekend he gets a call from BM and she tells him that from now on she wants SD EOW! DH workd nights, so he can't switch his days to week days because of SD being in school and he doesn't want to lose that time with her. If BM gets EOW, then DH will go from seeing his daughter 50% of the time to only seeing her 4-6 days out of the month. He is crushed and at a loss for what to do. If he flat out refuses BM, she will withhold SD from seeing DH (she has done it before). He is afraid to take her to court because he thinks they will give her the EOW and make him pay child support going back the last 7 years. If it is ordered child support, we will end up paying nearly $1,000 a month and if he has to pay back the last 7 years it will break us completely. He is so upset that he is physically showing it.
My question is, has anyone delt with this kind of situation before? Will they take time away from DH in court? BM has moved like a gypsie (about 5-6 times in the last few years) and recently is divoreced from and abusive man, but has decided to go ahead and get back with him and move SD and her son yet again back into her Ex's home. Can we use this if we do go to court?
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BM is getting ready to finish
BM is getting ready to finish up schooling to be a nail tech in her mothers shop. She has already said that her working is not going to affect her time with SD because she will be working while SD is in school. The only reason she gives DH when he asks why she wants to change now after all of these years is because she says it isn't fair that we have her every weekend. It sure was fair to her when she said she didn't want SD on the weekends because she had a life. What isn't fair is to take time away from her father who was there for her more than her mother the first 4-5 years of her life. I honestly think she is doing it to out of spite and for money. She knows that DH can't change his work schedule around at the drop of a hat, so she knows that he will not get to spend as much time with SD during the week if she takes his weekends. I really do think she is trying to take the time so she can file for CS and say he doesn't spend any time with SD.
We talked about it a little and he said he would offer to give her some Saturday overnights this summer. If she doesn't agree then he will offer one weekend a month in exchange for time during the week/during the day with SD before he goes to work this summer, since she won't be in school and BM will be working. He said he isn't going down without a fight, but that is the problem, he is tired of fighting with a person who thrives on the drama. I am tired for him. I don't think BM realizes how much she will hurt all of us, my little girls included, by taking so much time away. My girls look forward to seeing their sister every weekend and they ask when she is coming ALL THE TIME. It just isn't fair and it sucks.