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OT: Does anyone know a good grief forum?

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 8:30pm

Well my dad was very sick all summer and he actually died a couple weeks ago. I am pretty numb about it and not really up to explaining it all yet, it is a long story and complicated, but he had cancer.

I think I apparently grieve like a man does, where it is difficult for me to cry. I have always been this way and envy people who can easily. I feel like it seems like I don't care when I am actually devastated, just don't really have time or room at the moment to deal with everything because of work and commitments etc. and this bothers me of course.

There are also pretty serious family issues that I would like to discuss with someone kind of like we do here, as I have worn out my DH. Really disliking most of my family and weighing estrangement but feel guilty for that.

I want to talk with people (online) who do not know me in real life and who are not personally involved, like we do here.

Can anyone please recommend an online grief forum like we have here? I have googled but don't see anything really good that is appealing to me so far. Thank you for your help. Sad

Comments

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 9:04pm

Hey thank you both and sorry if even my question sounds cold, its just we just had the funeral yesterday and I am exhausted but,hoping to finally find some peace somehow????? Now that all the public stuff is over Sad

Never lost anyone like this before, a little lost but not step related this time

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 09/03/2012 - 6:19am

Oh I am so sorry for you too dear. It sucks!!!!!!!!! I am glad too to hear, it is not just me who is crying challenged!! can't say it right, but you are being a comfort to me in that and I do thank you for it Smile

Did you write about your mom? If you want to talk about it, I would be glad to listen and be there for you too. Thank you for thinking of me Smile

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 9:20pm

I too grieve like a man. I was a pall bearer for my grandmother. She was everything to me. I had her and still do have her on a pedestal. The night I buried her, I had a master level presentation to give. It was the majority of my grade.

I cried the night I held her hand as she died, I cried as I left her at her grave.

I didn't cry again.

9 months later I lost my sdad to cancer. Again I was in the middle of a master level class.

I understand the grief, the strength and its destruction.

To find some peace I turned to church. If I can be of help.let me know. I'm not an expert I just know about silent grieving.

I hope you find a way to deal with famlly demons. I would recommend waiting until you are through the grieving process before you walk away from family.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 09/03/2012 - 6:12am

This. This!!! I see you do see what I mean. It makes me feel crazy! but I have to function and keep my job! or we will lose everything.

I am so sorry you understand on this level. Sad but thank you for making me not feel so alone. Smile

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 09/03/2012 - 6:13am

Hi, Thank you OD - I am getting some good ideas from you - thanks!!!!!!!!!!!

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 09/03/2012 - 6:13am

I love what you said and your cousin made me smile too - thank you and I will continue to think about this, thank you Smile

IAmALady77's picture

Submitted by IAmALady77 on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 11:58pm

If you just want to talk to one person at a time just to get some help coping with your grief, you can try compassionpit.com. You can become a member for free and post in the forums (they have one for you) or you can talk anonymously to a "listener" without even signing in. I've gone and vented to a listener many a time. I'm sorry for your loss and wish I could help more. ((hugs))

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 09/03/2012 - 6:14am

Definitely trying this one - thank you so much!!!! I feel much more hopeful today, thanks to you all Smile

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 09/03/2012 - 6:16am

I am sorry about your losses too - there is nothing worse I am finding. I really, really appreciate the ideas and book suggestions.

I am broke so can't see a counselor at the moment but this is good and I appreciate your offer to talk too, I just may take you up on it and that is very kind of you Smile

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 09/03/2012 - 6:35am

Hey, after getting so bad during illness that my sister and I were screaming at each other full volume with curse words and everything in the hospital room, our relationship is a little strained. Now she is trying to act like nothing happened, after she started it, and then went home and did not return until after he died over a month later. Um no, I am not excited to see you, but she was?? crazy b*tch

The problem is that there are 6 kids well all but 2 abandoned my dad and refused to visit him because he had cancer and they didn't like the way he looked, really??? until I raised holy hell and it has not gone over very well but I was exhausted trying to do everything and would be damned if they were not going to help, which they finally did under protest.

I am still so pissed I even had to ask that, and was getting the cold shoulder from them and their spouses, etc. at the wake thing. F. that. The odd thing is that the crazy sister who called me a bitch that started the whole thing, was fine almost immediately after and wanted to make up? She is batshit crazy and doped up all the time, I can't deal with her at all, thank God for my one normal sister I can talk to, when she is available.

But it is f'd up and I really don't want to fix it because we have a basic disagreement of what is part of being a family. Wow is just all I can say at this point.

It is compounded by the fact that they all did this to my mom too, who has alzheimers, some of them have not seen her for years, she is in a nursing home for almost 9 years now and they can't even be bothered to help me check on her, they are all much better off financially than I am but I am the one who pays to drive down there every few weeks to see if she is ok, which she is, thank god. They think they can do that because she doesn't recognize them or know if they visit or not, yes. Assholes!!!!! so you can see I have a few issues at the moment . . .

Thank you all you have been a great comfort to me and it means more to me than I can say. !