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OT: The Wonderful world of online dating

Paintcrisis's picture

My sister recently got tired of hearing how Ex won’t leave me alone. She also got fed up with my insecurities from all the garbage he spewed at me, like how worthless I was and how no one will ever want me.

So she signed me up for online dating. I really fear for humanity now, based on what I’ve seen. I thought you all would enjoy a laugh with me:

Guy1) is 65 and I am 42. I was able to read between the lines on his profile and he is unemployed.

Guy2) sent me a message with horrendous spelling. I am not so much of a grammar snob but this was 2nd grade level mistakes. I deleted. Sorry, I judged him by that.

Guy3) is super polite in his messages and uses strange sentence structures. He’s probably a serial killer.

Guy4) has 2 teen daughters. We messaged a few times and I went to bed. I wake up to several frantic messages overnight with question marks and sad emojis.

50% of the guys in my area use stupid usernames like goodguy123 or gr8guy or niceguyxyz. If you have to tell me you are a good guy, something’s wrong.

And 80% of the guys like to hunt and fish. So sister put that I hunt and fish and ‘will you help me bait my hook?’

My inbox is overflowing and it’s only the second day of being online.

While it does fluff my ego a bit, I know there are way more guys than girls online so I can’t really brag.

Maybe ex will leave me alone now. . .

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Oh Lort. I have heard sooo many horror stories of on line dating. Honestly, don't think I've ever heard a good one. But maybe you'll be that one!!!

Why is ex being a dick? Because he doesn't have anyone to pick up his shitty dad slack?? No free babysitter and taxi service? What a clown.

blayze's picture

LOL - those choices sound unappealing, but maybe there's a diamond in the rough? #3 seems like the forerunner, bad sentence structure and all.

However, don't trust the bad speller... with all of the spelling resources and little squiggly red lines. Biggrin I'll bet he's the most selfish one in the bunch. Wink jk

Let us know when you go on a date with one.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Gads, when I did online dating it was freaking WORK!!! It was almost 10 years ago, so I was in my early 40s. I tried eHarmony and kept getting matched with SHORT guys. WTH?! I'm 5'8" and these guys were frequently 5'3" to 5'7". No, no, NO.

Match: I cannot tell you how many 65+ men were hitting me up for a date. How about NO?!?! I had no interest dating a man who was 20+ years older and RETIRED. It sounded like a nightmare in the making.

Plenty of Fish: I swear 97% of them were looking for fuddies. Blech.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'm 5'8 too!!! I'm not SUPER picky about height... But when I'm staring over your head I have an issue! Thankfully DH is taller than me Smile Which makes me feel more dainty... Since all growing up I developed a slouch because my friends were so much shorter and felt like some giant. LMAO

Aniki-Moderator's picture

PA, we're dang near twins! lol

Back in the day, I was always in 4" heels, which put me at 6' tall. In fact, I had a boss who was 5'8" and a really weinie, so I'd wear those heels for the sole purpose of towering over and looking down on him. }:)

My DH is 5'9". I'm happy to wear flats or kitten heels around him. However, every now and I get, I give in to the urge and wear heels. DH is okay if I wear them to bed... }:)

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

We are pretty close! LMAO

I wore 4 inch heels the other day for kicks and giggles. I felt MIGHTY }:) And then shortly after like a tall newborn calf learning how to walk...

He better be okay with that Aniki! Bed is the best place to wear heels Biggrin

Aniki-Moderator's picture

PA, he is definitely okay with that! There are times he comes home to me cleaning the bathroom in heels and a teddy or cooking dinner in heels and an apron... Dirol

Exjuliemccoy's picture

What kind of profile did your sister create for you?

I've never done online dating, but if I did I'd make my profile brutally honest and judgy just to scare off the wimps. No happy horsesh!t. Something like, passive, conflict-avoidant moochers need not apply.

WalkOnBy's picture

Back when I was online dating, I actually had "passive aggressive control freaks with mommy issues need not apply" in my bio Smile

mro's picture

It was I who reached out to my now-DH. He was also brutally honest and said something like I've got my own 401K and you need to have your own (or something like that)! I guess that's something like no moochers need apply. Worked for me as I felt the same way. We still have our finances separate and it works great for us.

Livingoutloud's picture

I’ve met my DH on a dating site. On eharmony. He is a sweetie!!!! I know ton of people who met online.

Sweet T's picture

I met the Italian on match....there are a lot of wierdos... I met the loon there too.

Acratopotes's picture

Blum 3 Blum 3 Blum 3 online dating is major fun, to keep your mind busy and safe if you do not meet up with them lol.

I use to do it before SO and I've met allot of weirdo's virtually, never in real life... You can live in a fantasy....

A friend on one of my other groups just started with it, also SM lol, first guy to chat her up... nice looking bloke, but his 7/8 year old daughter was sitting half on his lap glaring at the photographer... sort of bride of chuky face...... we almost died of laughing and telling her... oh yes this is the one.... all a joke of course...

tigerlily74's picture

Guy2) sent me a message with horrendous spelling. I am not so much of a grammar snob but this was 2nd grade level mistakes. I deleted. Sorry, I judged him by that.

AHAHAHAHA. I'm with you. I would never date a guy who doesn't text in full sentences with perfect spelling, grammar AND punctuation!

WalkOnBy's picture

right? WHY don't people understand that how they communicate speaks VOLUMES about who they are??

I mean, if one wants to be taken seriously, shouldn't one at least make themselves look coherent and intelligent? Spell check is not hard, at ALL!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

My DH is not a good speller. But his mind is wired for other things. He has a genius IQ and is an avid reader, but spelling - for whatever reason - does not stick in his head.

Kes's picture

I met my DH through the 2002 equivalent of online dating - ie small ads in a magazine. I called it my "Year of Living Dangerously" although it was actually nearer 2 years. It was the best fun I've had in my life, although at times excruciating as well. Like the time a chap flew down from a remote Scottish Island to meet me and I hated him on sight. Or the time someone drove 100 miles to meet me and ditto, when after half an hour I said gently "lets call it a night" he started crying. Sad I was tempted to leg it out of the window of the ladies room in pubs quite a few times.

hereiam's picture

Like KES, I did the ad thing many, many years ago and it was a lot of fun. Yes, I met some duds but you meet duds the normal way, too.

My co-workers kept telling me I was going to meet an ax murderer that way, like I couldn't meet one in the grocery store. They eat, right? Co-workers kept insisting I should go out with one of the nice guys who came onto our workplace.

Yeah, one "nice" guy who kept asking me out (and I did go to lunch with him once) is now in prison for rape in the 1st degree, sodomy, and injury with a weapon, he's serving 90 years. Now I know why he wanted to come over to my house late one night (was really persistent but I was adamantly against it). Luckily, he did not know where I lived.

It's an easy way to meet a lot of people, instead of waiting for a chance meeting. I would change your profile, though. I mean, ‘will you help me bait my hook?’? What was your sister thinking? Biggrin

momjeans's picture

Ugh. How horrifying. Buffoons like these make me thankful I’m married, because I basically want to set all men on fire. I wonder how that statement would go over on an online dating profile? }:)

#4 reminds me of the kind of dude whose convo screenshot would make its way to the Instagram account Bye Felipe. Does anyone follow it?

CLove's picture

If you find yourself editing their messages, well, then just dont.
Biggrin

Online dating sounds really really hard. But in a fun way.