This weekend on Saturday (being 1st Sept)  DH and of course the cling on SS18 will be driving a four hour round trip in one day to attend a birthday barbecue for DH's father. His birthday was actually on august 8th but as grandchildren were busy with music festivals it all had to be put off for almost a month. I know I'm a nag and miserable but I cannot understand why they couldn't have just left it for this year.. but that's their business.

I am not going. The minute DH mentioned it I said 'I have attended every single family event of your family's and I have missed so many of mine (living overseas and it's not his fault I know) that I felt that considering how much pain it causes me to sit for long periods I really didnt want to do it this time. DH was not happy about this. I do not dislike his family at all. They are far superior in a relational way than my own but that's not the issue.

1) I get a lot of pain from the sitting all the time, not just the 4 hours in the car but then sat at a dining table for 3 hours - their meals and chat goes on forever.

2) I do not wish to be shut up in a car with SS for 4 hours

3) I have attended 100% of the 'do's so far. Done my bit.

I would have preferred it if DH had actually decided not to go this time at all but I certainly was not going to suggest this or even hint at it. If he decided that then it would have to be his own decision. Of course, that never occurred to him. All this has been discussed over the last month.

Since then I have had a flare up of my FM. I have a very inflamed piriformis muscle that the fysiotherapist is working on and that will be badly aggravated by sitting too long. So, I feel i'm being fair but i get the feeling DH feels abandoned and that I should suffer it for him. He didnt like it because it brings memories of BM who rather early in their marriage stopped going to all family gatherings despite the fact that DH's mother was babysitting her kids everyday whilst she was at work. Nice little fact about this: BM never ONCE called in during her 1 hour lunch break to see the kids during that time despite working only a 5 minute walk away in the shop on the corner. No wonder the poor woman succumbed to dementia, one kid on AS spectrum and one ADHD. I digress.. He fears that I will go the way of BM and he will not have me 'by his side' at family events. Pfffft!

So I'm not going and I don't feel particularly bad about it.