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Well well well...

Monique52's picture

Let me give you a little background on the court order agreement:

So My husband and HCBM had their court agreement signed at the begining of the year.  DH is the residential parent, they have shared custody and 50-50 time with SS (barely happens, we ussually have my SS more time) My husbnad pays her child support and pays for EVERYTHING for my SS, including babysitter even when is her time. She doesn't work and my husband makes good money. BM or DH can't  move out of the county where we live.

Well last week she just informed my  DH that she is moving (already moved) 2 hours away when in the court order says that if any of the parents are moving within the county we live, they need to give 30 day notice and if is out of the county they need to give 60 days notice. 

She now wants to change the schedule so my SS be with us everyother week, not taking under consideration the classes he goes to like karate, swiming, etc (he is not in scholl just yet, he will be next year)

My DH was devastated and scared that he will need to wait 1 entire week to see his son just bc HCBM decided to move 2 hours away, but after talking with several people they recomended us to file for full custody, which we did, the next hearing day is in December. The point is that I have my reservations with the system and reading some of the stories here, how they favored the mother all the time. HCBM moved with her husband to a friend's house, she was living with a friend as well here so she can't eve offer my SS his own bedroom.

My SS spent all his time playing video games when he is with her ( which we can't do much about it because that's her house) he comes home with a very aggresive behavior. This agreement  she wants to make is so disruptive to my SS life and to us. 

She had conversations with my DH and told him that she will "let" my SS live with us but she doesn't want to change the shared parenting  agreement, which for me that's delusional since they can even have a conversation in a repectful way in regards to my SS. She doesn't take him to his doctor's follow up appointments, but makes a big deal if we take innitiative and take him. Per the agreement she was supposed to enroll him on her insurance, that never happened. She was supposed to pay half of his classes, never pay a dime. How can you have shared parenting whith somebody that you can't even talk to.We know she can't be out of my SS life because she is his mother and is benefitial for him to have her around. She is willing to sign an agreement where my SS live with us full time, she has him everyother weekend but she wants shared parenting...

She wants that to still have some type of control. My question is what is your experience in this type of situtations, have you seen fathers granted full custody if the mother decided to move 2 hours away without giving proper notice?

Comments

ndc's picture

I'm not sure exactly what he's asking for.  Does he want sole legal custody, so he makes all decisions?  I doubt he'll get that just because she moved a couple hours away.  Or is he trying to get primary physical custody with BM getting EOWE?  It sounds like BM is willing to give him all parenting time except EOWE - is she trying not to change the CO because she doesn't want to affect her child support?

Monique52's picture

He wants full custody. They have shared custody currently. ExactlyQ she doesn't want to do it through the court so she can still receive chlid support and have her son every other weekend getting child support as if she has him half of the week... 

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

My DH has SD13 about 90% of the year.  She only sees BM for about 5 weeks, and even less now that CPS is involved with BM.   Despite that and the fact that she lives over 1000 miles away, she still  has shared custody and gets a say.  I doubt the courts will grant your DH full custody if she still has any visitation.  Your DH may want to consider her agreement that gives her weekends.  She is likely to get that if ypu go to court.  Oftentimes, it doesn't matter in family court if the mother is HC or a lazy parent.  It sounds like you might be wasting time and money on a fight you can't win.  It is very rare for one parent to be given sole custody unless the other parent is completely absent.

 

Monique52's picture

I have full custody of my son and his dad sees him everyother weekend and pays CS. I don't think that's imposible. 

I do know that the system favors the mother. if we don't get custody we deal with it but at least we get to have the change of schedule through the court and if she will have him every other weekend why do we need to pay child support??

STaround's picture

Every other week will work when the kid is in school.  Sounds to me like DH will end up back in court. Sorry.  He needs to push for primary custody

tog redux's picture

TAKE HER OFFER.  Let her think she has some control. Do some basic "consulting" about decisions being made, it's good practice anyway to include the NCP.  If that's all she wants to give DH full physical custody, you've gotten away easy. 

Do not take your chances in court. DH should say that in exchange for shared parenting, he will no longer pay child support to her and go for it. 

simifan's picture

 

It is very rare that people lose legal custody. Typically it takes a few bonehead moves and usually they keep it with the custodial parent getting the final say. 

 

BethAnne's picture

I have heard that most fathers who actually go to court for full custody win their cases. A lot of men are put off from trying. Your husbands lawyer should be able to give him a good run down on likely outcome of an informal agreement vs going to court. 

tog redux's picture

That cannot be true unless the mother is a hot mess. Do you have a source for that? 
Men get screwed all the time in family court  

She's offering him full physical custody with her having every other weekend. In most cases that involves joint custody. There is no reason for him to have sole custody, and no reason for her to get child support. Court is expensive and draining. If she will agree, go for it.