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Why do I do this to myself

mommers2620's picture

So last night my step sons mom cals my husband and says, "Can you watch my other son for me while we're on vaction next week?" (she's referring to her dog) My husband says hell no and she tells him I'll pay you please I don't have any other options. He continues to tell her no and gets off the phone. Tells me the convo and me being the friendly person and dog lover I am say, "I'll do it!!" So I tell him text her and tell her I'll talk care of him for the week they'll be gone. He was like ay woman why do you want to be nice to her like this and I tell him well this is SS's dog too and I've always wanted a golden retriever! We don't have a dog right now and my whole life I've always had dogs so its a win win for me! So my husband said fine but this is all you. Texted SS mom and told her I said I would do it and she said okay. Then texted him again and said you better give my baby lots of love everyday, he told her I didn't say I would do it, she is going to be the one caring for your dog not me. Saw her 30mins after this and didn't even have the decency to tell me thank you or anything when she was standing next to me but I'm like eh whatever, not really doing this for her lol. Then the next morning decides she changed her mind and wants someone else to just do check ups on her dog at her house. I know its dumb of me to expect any niceness from her, because I know thats not a natural thing that comes to her. But like I put in effort to just be okay with her and it really doesn't matter and never will. This is simply me just venting because I know she will never care about how nice I am or anything I am willing to do for her or her son. I hate feeling so eager to be on good terms with her. I know its not in our cards because it's one sided and it needs to come from both of us.


Stepdrama2020's picture

You are a kind lady, and it shows. Never waste kindness on toxic people, ESPECIALLY on bitter toxic biatchy BMs.

Dont ya realize you being good and kind by doing her a favor doesnt fit the narrative she loves to tell about you. Period dot.

Id never offer a dang thing again, I know it was for the pup, but if it is connected to the bitter BM just dont.

Blessings kind lady

mommers2620's picture

You are very sweet, thank you! I shouldn't waste my kindness on a biatchy crazy BM lol. PERIOD in all caps is more like it cuz yeah no matter what shes going to have her own thoughts on me no matter what I do. You're right I need to just not. Good thing out of it is that my SS atleast sees that I try and his mom is the one who rejects me. Not a complete loss for me

lieutenant_dad's picture

Something to keep in mind when BM asks for these sorts of things:

She doesn't actually need the thing she's asking for. She just wants to stay relevant to your SO and have a reason to communicate, or make his life difficult, or remind him that she's still around, or whatever.

She didn't need a dog sitter. She just wanted a reason to be able to text/call your SO everyday. She knows SS isn't a good enough reason to bother your SO, so she came up with a different tactic. You stepping in ruined her fun.

Think about it. In less than 24 hours she went from "I have no one!" to "I found someone else". There's your proof it was a manipulative game.

Remember, she is a fully grown adult with her own family and friends. She doesn't NEED your help, or your SO's. Don't offer something she doesn't want OR need.

WwCorgi7's picture

It's funny how it played out though. BM probably thought DH would cave in and watch her dog and that it would get under OP's skin and piss her off. When in fact he was firm in not watching it and OP stepped up to the plate. At that point BM was like nevermind... lol The damsel in distress act didn't work this time BM.

mommers2620's picture

Loved this lol didn't think of it this way. Her plan back fired on her and when she thought she was going to bother me here I was being on her side! Although it wa an eyeroll at the end atleast in no way did she get what she wants.

WwCorgi7's picture

It seems like a slippery slope getting too close and offering help to the exes, in my opinion atleast. Back in the early days I tried being nice and it backfired on me. Long story short I have a small business, BM placed 3 complicated, custom orders and SD was to exchange a very expensive school picture packet for the work. BM gets her order and drives off. I get a text right after that she lost the pictures but thanks for the stuff and she appreciates me being so kind and giving. DH had to handle that one and get my payment but it was a lesson learned.

My SIL offers lots of help with her BM to the point of being fully taken advantage of. It started with running around her skids in between  her lunch breaks. Now she has BM's 3 youngest children full time Mon-Fri with zero pay and has to watch her bio, 2 skids, her skid's siblings, and BM's skids just about every weekend. They practically live together. If she isn't at BM's beck and call she turns icy and withholds the skids.

Your heart is in the right place but it's best to stay to yourself. You will probably never be able to win her over and God forbid something happened on your watch. You would never hear the end of it and it would complicate the situation more than it already is. 

mommers2620's picture

Thats just awful! Sucks doing things for people and it just backfires. All because you'd rather have the negative be a positive in life and they just wont allow that. 

Sending my love and prayers to your SIL because that is one whole mess that has to be SO hard to be in.

Yes i need to find the peace in being to myself and letting go of the idea of being able to communicate with each other.

mommers2620's picture

SO true! She does just want to stay relivant and make sure she is a topic in our lives. Oh the joy!! lol

Yes manipulative is her middle name. I know I shouldn't have offered but atleast I did ruin her fun lol. But in reality we should have paid no attention to it at all and just said the hell no and bye and leave it at that.

Appreciate your words of wisdon Smile

hereiam's picture

Share your kindness with somebody else, anybody else.

Seriously, you need to disengage from your husband's ex and let him handle her. He told her, "no" (more than once), you should have left it at that.

This was not about needing a dog sitter, it was about her getting your husband to do something for her. Like LD said, to stay relevant.

Also, what if, God forbid, something had happened to her dog while in your care?

Stop trying to be this woman's friend.

mommers2620's picture

Omg you are so right! Imagine if something happened to her dog under my care. Boy would that open up another can of worms that I don't want. Thank you for opening my eyes. This is why I came on her. To have others open my eyes to what I am not seeing and not feeling so defeated in this. My positivity is kickin in *yes3*