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Not a newbie, but going crazy with SD19

momatwittsend's picture

Submitted by momatwittsend on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 5:56pm

I don't post a bunch, but I do read every day to help me cope with the crazy.
My SD19, has finally graduated high school, and has a full time job. I know i'm luckier than most, but she is driving me fucking crazy. She keeps creating drama with your brother SS16, he calls me names, he doesn't talk to me nice, bla bla bla bla bla. Truth is, she is a bossy pants. We had to get on her ass constantly when she was younger telling her she is not the parent. I want her out of the house. I know world war three will start tonight when I bring this up with DH, but I'm done. The above and add to the fact, that she thinks she owns MY dog, and keeps re-making the grocery list, and moving shit around. Time for this girl to get her own place, and play grown up there.

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momagainfor4's picture

Submitted by momagainfor4 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 7:21pm

mini wife grown up!! ugh, this is what I'm afraid of!! recently we have started a remodel project to add a master suite on the opposite end of the house as well as some major painting of all the commons areas. Even rearranged all furniture. sd14 hasn't been here since the end of July bc of an injury she got on vacation so she can't travel yet. (total bullshit) but I don't have to deal with her here!!! yay!!
Regardless, my motive is to make over this place as much as possible so that when she comes back she won't know it and it'll be completely different to her. And well, also to update this place, it needed it!!

My SO made some half ass comment while my dd23 was helping me paint one day about sd14 just wanting a home. That was all she wanted was just a home. I just thought omg..you are full of crap, she's never treated this place like a home!! maybe a pig pen but not a home!! Bm's house is her home, not here. She considers this the disney dad vacation place. Not a home.

I'm afraid in another 5 years I'll still be dealing with the same thing you are now!! I'm pushing everything I have for us to move to a diff state in about 2 years!! Then when she visits it'll be few and far between. She'll have no reason to move my stuff or dig through drawers and get into our things.

Sadie-TheCleaningLady's picture

Submitted by Sadie-TheCleani... on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 12:36am

I know how you feel momagain. I absolutly can't stand a young adult or child acting like they are the parent.
The weekend that just passed we had BF's cousin staying with us as we all had a family wedding to go to. Although it wasn't a skids weekend (skids weren't invited) SS18 wouldn't get his arse out of my house so he was warned by BF to be on his best behaviour, stay in his room and make sure he is only seen and not heard that weekend. Well Saturday evening when we got home from the wedding, BF, cousin and myself stayed up drinking and talking. It was about 3am when SS18 comes charging out of his room (he was playing video games not sleeping) telling us 3 ADULTS to keep it down and go to bed :jawdrop:
I want SS18 out of my house too, sadly this isn't going happen for me anytime soon.

evilstepmotherJ's picture

Submitted by evilstepmotherJ on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 5:09am

Oh how i feel your pain (have a SD18) and I want her out in the worst way. She is in college now but one of the things we have told her very clearly is that we will provide room and board while she is in college but once she's out or quits she will be expected to pay rent. Perhaps its time to charge your adult SD rent? We figure once we ask for rent, she will move out as she'd rather give anyone else her money than us. Privately between hubby and I, we have agreed that if it does come down to her staying here and paying rent, we will put half of the rental payment aside so that in 6 months she will have enough for a security deposit and rent on her own apartment and can get out. Of course, you have to get hubby on board too (not easy i know).

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 9:10am

I had the same issue with SD17 and it really reared its ugly head this past summer when her sister SD14 came for visitation. So much so the water finally boiled and SD17 wanted to move to MIL and DH wanted her out of the house as well. Up to that point I had remained disengaged and silent, however when SD14 got there who I am like a mother too I told DH I will not allow her to parent this child in her cruel nasty ass way and that if she attempted to I was reengaging and it was going to be ugly. At the first sign of me coming unglued, she was gone. good thing because I was ready to pounce like tigger

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 9:10am

I had the same issue with SD17 and it really reared its ugly head this past summer when her sister SD14 came for visitation. So much so the water finally boiled and SD17 wanted to move to MIL and DH wanted her out of the house as well. Up to that point I had remained disengaged and silent, however when SD14 got there who I am like a mother too I told DH I will not allow her to parent this child in her cruel nasty ass way and that if she attempted to I was reengaging and it was going to be ugly. At the first sign of me coming unglued, she was gone. good thing because I was ready to pounce like tigger

momatwittsend's picture

Submitted by momatwittsend on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 4:51pm

Well I told DH that something had to be done, as I was sick and tired of getting daily phone calls. yes SS16 is a pain in the ass, he is just straight out a bloody weird kid, has no friends, and follows BS14 around like a shadow, that is a whole other post.

Got home and DH read the riot act, tears from SD19 of course on how its not her fault bla bla, I lost my shit, told her that if she wants to be treated like an adult she better start bloody acting like one not like a 5 year old tattle tale. Also laid down some ground rules, we treat people with respect in this house, we do not use snarky voices to others, don't like this rule or can't follow this rule, there is the damn door.

Lots of hysterics, and ran crying to her boyfriend. I can't say I was sad to see her go, but unfortunately she came back.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 5:17pm

If she has a full time job, there is no reason why she can't be saving up for a deposit and moving the hell out.

momatwittsend's picture

Submitted by momatwittsend on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 5:28pm

She is giving money, to us that we are saving to get her a car, as she is currently using my car to get to work. Once she has a car, I will give her three months (saving her "rent") and she can move out.

She has called me 3 time at work today about mindless things.
1. The dog is ok, - I replied good, I have to go.
2. Should I vacuum the stairs their is dog hair on them, - I replied yes, I have to go.
3. My boyfriend wants to come for supper but doesn't want Kraft Dinner and hot dogs (it is our once a month "treat" for the kids as DH will not be home for supper). - I replied I really don't care, that is what we are having for supper, he can sit and watch us it, I have to go.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 5:37pm

Oh my God, she is like a 10 year old. Hell, even at 10 I knew not to call my parents at work with stupid questions and comments.

momatwittsend's picture

Submitted by momatwittsend on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 5:41pm

Exactly, my mom would have tanned my hide if I did that shit. On a happy note my BS21 is coming over for a visit tonight, I'm excited!