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Advice needed...

Missymoo's picture

So I'd like to ask everyone their thoughts on holidaying seperately from their husbands/ partners etc.

I am in a ltr with a man who has a dd. I have 2 bio ds's.
my SO has a very overbearing family . I have only met his parents twice in 4 years- (dont ask!!) they are not bothered about knowing me amd my children which i find very cold and hostile. i am never invited to any family functions or to their house etc. they know we are together but seem to ignore I exist. There have been no rows or anything they just don't want to form a rl with their sons partner after his bad divorce experience.
Me and SO have always holidayed together, but now his family are putting pressure on him to holiday with them without me .(and his dd) Me and my kids are not invited to go.

How would other people feel about this.

Comments

Pinki3663's picture

My feelings on this would depend entirely on my SO and HIS feelings. If he thinks this is acceptable then I would tell them all to pound salt.

Missymoo's picture

Yep. Thanks for that. There's nothing good about a man in his forties that can be forced to holiday with mummy and daddy, all the while pretending I don't exist.
Don't worry I'm the one that does 99% of his dd's care.
This really sucks.

simifan's picture

It would not be for me, but I could see some reasons why this might happen, especially when children are adults and live far apart. But, it should be you and DHs choice. I'm sorry, inviting one spouse and not the other to visit is rude - no matter what reasons given. I would have serious misgivings about a man that would allow me to be disrespected in this manner. How sexy is a mama's boy?

Truth be told - if he were to allow the family to pretend I don't exist - I think i wouldn't be a problem any longer - I'd be gone.

Missymoo's picture

No. He lives around the corner from his parents., they see dd every other Saturday all day. I or my kids are never invited to that either.
and they are talking about a 2 week overseas luxury holiday. I have been told his father is a bully and controls him so I guess there is no hope.

whatwasithinkin's picture

Dh and I seperate Christmas Eve. He visits them for thanksgiving and eats here, i think because the food is better! I dont mind it, those people dont like me and frankly I cant stand them. It is no secret dh knows. It doesnt bother me to not be invited, why would I want to spend time with people like that?

Missymoo's picture

It's not an option for his parents to be pissed off. He is golden boy and will not risk upsetting them. He's proved on many occasions they will ALWAYS come first. For example he left me and my kids alone Xmas day as I was not invited to be with his family- even though friends of his sisters were!! Just so hurtful. His excuse was that it was his year to have dd so he can't not go as they all love her and want to see her.
I knew there were red flags but its getting worse as his dd gets older.
Do I run now and give up on 4 years? Or put up with a lifetime of hurt, rejection and disappointment.

Missymoo's picture

One evening/ day doesn't bother me at all. As you say i dont even want to be around them. But a 1 or 2 week holiday does.

Missymoo's picture

Without being crude or disrespectful, they will not be around forever- his parents are in their 70's. and by no means do I wish them ill. But I do love this man. all his friends have warned me how dysfunctional the family is. His father is a bully and a thug and governs my SO. It's so hard to know what to do. He does try to consider me but he is sooo weak when it comes to them. But yes I will never come first regardless.

silentnites's picture

Why won't he just stand up to them and explain you are included? I would never under any circumstance deliberately exclude any of my children's partners whether I liked them or not. So, they must be dysfunctional as you say. But he should discontinue the trend.

Personally if it were myself, and he went on holiday without me for a week or two, I would let him go. I would have all of my things gone by the time he got back though.

blending2012's picture

I know that I am in the minority here, but my DH and I take separate vacations with our respective families. For example, he is going to FL in April with his parents, brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews and his own kids. My kids and I will stay home. In July, I will be going to SC with my parents and my 2 kids.

We have primary custody of all 5 of our children and we feel it is nice to give them breaks from each other. Plus my parents don't really know his kids and vice versa so it would feel weird to vacation with them.

We both LIKE the situation though (who really wants to hang out with their in-laws after all) - and it's not like someone's not "invited" - we just chose to be this way.

I'm not sure if this info helps - my friends all think we are weird too! But I at least wanted to give you a different perspective. Every once in a blue moon we get away just the two of us so it's not like we NEVER vacation together ... just when it involves the in-laws Wink