I was mad and said a "wrong" thing about my SD. After that he distanced himself from my BS. I'm at a lost!
I'm glad to find a place where I can explain myself without being judged.
My DH has a daughter, 9, and she is very, very strange.. The first time we met, she hidden herself between her father's legs, didn't talk to me at all, when her father asked her to answer one of my questions "What do you like to do, honey?", she started to cry. It was frustrating. She was 6 at time. I felt I did something wrong, but my husband said I was an adult, she didn't know me, she was a kid, she was scared, it was a stressful situation. Ok, I accepted that.
A little background. Her BM died when she was 2. Acording to DH she was in a car with her mom, dad, her sister and a cousin of my DH and a teeanger decided it would be a nice idea to drink and drive. A total lost, everyone in BM's car passed away. The teenager survived and is locked in jail. My MIL and FIl helped my DH to raise her the tragic fatality. She has no relative from her BM side. BM only had a cousin who lives in another country and an aunt with late stage dementia.
She was always very shy and quite sad girl. I tried everything I could to connect with her. When I tried to go out with her, just two of us, she would refuse and start to cry. My MIL used to take care of her when my DH was working, I asked them to take care of her, didn't work. She would hide herself in her room and refuse anything from me. She went back to her GM. So my husband goes to work, leaves her at her school, MIl picks up her, when he's coming home he takes her.
3 years passed and she didn't change. We don't communicate very much. She won't tell me anything, just to my DH. She got an A at school? Just my DH will know. If a congratulate her I will receive a shy "thanks" in response, and that's all. She seems to close herself in a shell around me. A shell I feel I cannot open.
If we go out me, my DH, my BS and her, she will keep herself in silence, will answer my and my BS questions quickly, like she was avoiding something.
She goes to a therapist 3 days in a week. I know the pain she feels is immeasurable, I know she will miss her mom forever, when I heard the story I was shocked, her BM was young and full of life. But that unwillingness to, at least, give me a space in her life always bugged me.
My BS and my DH got along prety well. It was hard at the start, but now the things are going well. He would take my son out, to do some "boy stuffs". And I felt pretty bad, because I couldn't do the same with SD.
When my problem started? Some months ago, with all that pandemic stuff, he decided to leave SD full time with MIL and FIL, to isolate them (he's an essential worker). He would see her wrapped in plastic to preserve her and his parents. About 2 months ago he allowed her to return to our house. They, she and him, were in a Skype call with a distant cousin of DH and she asked "Hey, SD, how are you honey? I heard you have a new mommy, who loves you very much". She screamed "I HAVE NO NEW MOMMY, MY MOMMY IS DEAD!" and went straight to her room crying. My husband reprimended his cousin. I heard everything and felt pretty sad.
She spend the next weekend with MIL and FIL and I opened my heart with my DH. But a make mistake, during the conversation i called SD a "crying bitch" who will "revolve around her mother's death forever". He just said: "You really called a 9-year-old girl bitch? Seriously? What do you want me to do? Tell her 'Forget about mommy, she's dead, time to move, I bought a new one? F*ck off! Stop being dumb."
Next weekend would be my father's birthday. He took a shower, walked downstairs and my mother asked him "Hey, DH, where are you going? I will eat your peace of cake if you leave!". He said: "I'm going to my mom's, see the crying bitch. I come back tomorrow". I was shocked and the party was totally ruined.
He came back next day and my BS said hey "daddy DH" where did you go? Let's play some games? "From now on, DH. Mister DH" and went straight to his office. I was in the kitchen when i heard a huge noise. My BS was playing in the backyard playing with his ball and accidentaly a shelf where my husband keeps some high school trophies. DH came and said, ironically: "Oh, no, look what SD did, this is exactly the thing a crying bitch would do. Of course the 'Prince of Perfection' could do no wrong. I will ground SD for the rest of her life! What a bitch, mind you."
I made BS clean the mess and he's forbid to play with his ball in the backyard. But since that incident, he spends weekends at his mom's house (who now hates me), don't talk to my son, and we barely talk to each other. I insisted on therapy. "Sometimes a stone is just a stone. You already said what you had to say. A therapy doesn't changes feelings. Changes behaviors. You were very clear, you don't like my daughter. Wanna know something? I never liked your son, I tolerated him because of you, he's one of the most boring child I have seem in my entire and I kept my mouth shut all this time. So what's is exactly your problem with SD? If she were rude, I would quickly reprimend her. If she threw a tantrum? I would ground her. But i can't make her like or even accept you. Honestly, if a 37-year-old can't understand this, I'm sorry to say, you are the crying bitch here."
I know that probably my marriage is over, because he now sleeps in his office and barely talks with me, but, does anyone have something to say? I'm quite sad...