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SD15 nearly set the table on fire

Merrigan's picture

We were just starting dinner at her grandparents house.  She picked up a napkin and said “should I set this on fire?”  It was like slow motion for all of us - everyone saying “nooooo” and reaching out.  She stuck the napkin into the candle centrepiece and the thing lit up.  Then she dropped it onto the linen tablecloth.  Her dad and granddad managed to get it into a plate and smother it. She laughed the whole time. 

Her grandfather stormed off into the kitchen saying “she was laughing!” And “she needs to go home!”  And my BF did nothing. And SD15 said nothing.  I was in shock. I said words to her about fire danger and how we could have been hurt, and then I went out to the kitchen with grandpa.  It was either laugh, hyperventilate, or cry, so I did the first two simultaneously. He poured us both another glass of wine. 

This doesn't feel real anymore. How are people like this?  

I’m done with her, by the way.  My BF and I live separately. This past weekend was my big disengagement, and the first time I told her “no”.  This was a cry for attention from her.  


SteppedOut's picture

Good night! 

I think I would have apologized to grandpa and freaking left. Never to be heard from again by this clan. 

This relationship is going to 100% destroy you and probably drive you insane. 

Leave this madness. 

ntm's picture

Fire starters belong in Juvie. I'm absolutely serious. My mother worked with troubled children for years and they did not mess around with kids who started fires. And a 15 year old needs to be told not to start a fire? 

notarelative's picture

he only said “she mustn’t have heard us say no.”   And then he sat there like a mute.  ...

 his whole family plied me with wine and said how hard she is to deal with, how spineless he is, and they begged me to stay with him because he’ll be lost without me.  I basically had an emotional breakdown, and now here we are.  

You can't save this guy. He needs to save himself. Until he parents his child, until he gets her the help she needs (and a child who sets her grandparent's table on fire definitely needs help), you need to remove yourself from the whole situation. 

The only one you can save in this situation is yourself. Walk away.


advice.only2's picture

Uh what!!! His family needs you to stay with him to keep him and his spawn out of their hair.  So what is so appealing about a grown man that accuses you of giving him and his kids lice after it's confirmed by the school his spawn did it?!? No man who humiliated me in that way would ever be graced with my presence again.  

thinkthrice's picture

and animal torturing...two signs of psychopathy.

Save yourself and RUNNN!!!!

lieutenant_dad's picture

No 15 year old needs to be told NOT to set a napkin on fire.

Your BF will put you in harms way to protect his daughter. He doesn't show respect to his own parents and their home, and they raised him. What hope do you have at being worth his respect when his OWN PARENTS aren't?

Cut ties with these psychos and move on. It's not worth it.

SD.stepmom's picture

I agree with the other posters-your boyfriend is a horrible parent who is doing a major disservice to his daughter and everyone that will have to interact with her. His daughter is 15 not 5-she shouldn't need to be told it isn't a good idea to set a napkin on fire at a dinner table. She doesnt need to be told about "fire danger'-she set the napkin on fire to get a reaction. From your other posts, it doesn't seem like your boyfriend is giving you the respect you deserve.

GrabitAndGo's picture

A jellyfish has more of a spine than your boyfriend does.  I don't see how you can be attracted to him.

Just curious, though.  Why didn't he take her home like grandpa said?  How did the rest of dinner go?

Cooooookies's picture

Taking her home - or taking any action at all - would be an acknowledgement on his part that his daughter did something wrong.  As he doesn't have a spine and his head is firmly buried in the sand, none of that was ever going to happen.

OP you really need to reflect on whether or not this guy is worth dating.  He's not a good parent, his eldest daughter is only going to get worse and, from previous blogs, he doesn't really respect your wishes or boundaries.  Huge, gleaming, bright red flags are all around you.

There are so many men out there that you could date where it wouldn't cause you stress, meltdowns or lice.  It could actually be fun and healthy.  It SHOULD BE fun and healthy.  This situation you are currently in?  Not it.  

Merrigan's picture

Like a lot of new posters here say, he’s great when we’re on our own together. 

But when his kids are there, he’s a terrible parent, and he treats me like a child.  

Siemprematahari's picture

I'm glad you don't live with this no back bone havin' man. Can you imagine the rest of his daughters teenage years......sure now she's starting fires, what will it be next?

Aint that much love in the world or good sex that could allow me to continue seeing this man.