Don't open this if you offend easily
I'm venting about a very specific situation that left a sour taste in my mouth this weekend.
Sunday: the day an imaginary sky daddy takes precedence over a REAL daddy (DH).
Do I really care that SD left *early this morning with her BM because all of the sudden she's taken an interest in a church youth group? Not so much. I'm sick of her yanking my husband around and I'm pretty pissed that she is being allowed to call the shots on visitation. I'm sick of her hurting my husband. She can just stay gone for all I care.
I'm sick of BM strategically getting the kids involved in activities that take away from his time with them. He pouts and I have to see it.
I'm sick of BM using religion as one of the tools in her arsenal of alienation techniques.
I'm sick of her using the kids as pawns in an attempted culture war with us every time they show up on our doorstep. Seriously. Sending the boy over in Duck Dynasty and religious T-shirts would be the same as us sending him back in a Darwin fish shirt or whatever antagonistic atheists wear these days. The kid doesn't give a crap about clothes, this is a petty dig at my husband.
*way too early. We sleep in on Sundays in this house. Even mini BM couldn't get herself out of bed this morning when big BM pulled up to pick her up.
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Comments
Then DH needs to stand up to
Then DH needs to stand up to her and say no. If there's a CO he HAS to enforce it and not let her call the shots he does no one else him.
We wouldn't have to reach
We wouldn't have to reach very far to go over her head. }:)
I am a Christian and we are
I am a Christian and we are not all this way. I am sorry that has been your experience.
Wow HnT, that was harsh.
Wow HnT, that was harsh. Some people are lazy asses and give all the blame and take all the credit and basically suck. Not all of them are religious. Some people are totally responsible and non-insane and super-kind and nice. Not all of them are atheist. I think you know that. The us/them mentality here is misplaced. Or so I hope.
I am a Christian and BM told
I am a Christian and BM told me on more than one occasion, "If you were such a good Christian, you wouldn't be fighting me." I guess she just got tired eventually of getting beat. Anyhow, agree with you. Let the kids have exposure and make up their own minds later, but I'm sorry the "religious" BM told skidz they weren't going to heaven if you didn't take them to church. That is ugly to tell a kid.
Be careful what you wish for.
Be careful what you wish for. Seriously. SD went to church. Let it go. We fought for years and spent big bucks (fell right into BM's trap) for the sick BM to bring kids that were simply used by her as weapons to "get back" at daddy. She continuously cheated on him and he left her. Oh dear. He didn't realize she was supposed to slut around, and he was supposed to pick up all the slack AND stay in the marriage. I digress. Please do not respond in kind with "anti-religous" clothing on the kids. Please do not use the children as weapons. I've been down the road of no return and the older they get the uglier it gets (mini-BM's def!). The less your DH fights her on the little stuff, the more he wins. I've learned that if SD doesn't want to come, easier day here. Also, we fought basically against things BM tried to control in our home. For instance, her trying to tell us what day and time we were taking her daughter to appointments and what I was going to cook for dinner. She gets off on the reaction of you two. Let SD go to youth group... let her to wherever the hell BM wants to take her. Serioiusly. Who cares. At least it's not a cult with human sacrifice (though sometimes I think most of wish it were. jk).
He is letting her go but from
He is letting her go but from n ore on the rule is that she either goes to an evening service or she doesn't spend the night Saturday. It's not fair to the rest of us to arrange our Sundays and her. It's not about enforcing a CO. It's about trying not to look like a jackass and sink to bm's level. I really don't think a skid and her mom should be interfering with DH's time like this but he's really in an awkward position. Damned if he does damned if he doesn't. He doesn't want to be like all those people who say "What?!? You aren't choosing MY lifestyle?! Well I'll FORCE you to." We'll leave that tactic to het mom.
And addressing the earlier posts on the fear of hell, that's what really bugs me about this. I think the hell and damnation tactics are borderline child abuse. Children lack critical thinking skills so you have to use base level fears and guilt to control their minds? When adults cling to it, it just looks like laziness. They are afraid they don't have a convincing argument to get the kids to do what they want them to do.
For what it's worth, I am a
For what it's worth, I am a Christian and I despise it when people use their faith as an excuse to behave badly. The fact that God forgives us doesn't mean He doesn't have any expectations of us whatsover, it just means that He knows no one can be perfect.
I think there are people who are going to PAS and otherwise act like a crazy person regardless of their religious affliation. I am sorry the BM in your situation is using religion as a weapon.
Going back to the issue of
Going back to the issue of the unpredictable visitation schedule, this would make me madder than any youth group or religious t-shirts. BM sounds very shallow and this probably has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with going on a huge power trip and disrupting your Sunday. BM could have given you two a heads up about the youth group.
I used to be with someone with a BM like that, who called all the shots, would make ex-BF drive the kids over to her house on his night when she was lonely and didn't have a boyfriend. And when she did have a boyfriend, she was always dumped the kids on us at the last minute. The unpredictability of it all would send me over the edge and make me feel like I came last on the priority list. And it was a real turn-off to see ex-BF allowing BM to call the shots.
This. Again, it's not about
This. Again, it's not about enforcing a court order, it's about him walking a fine line of NOT falling into this trap and alienating his own daughter by looking like the one who won't let her choose her own path. BM is just taking advantage of the situation. I'm pretty sure a normal sane woman would have told the girl she could go every other weekend with her but she needed to spend time with her dad on his weekends. But we're not here because we have normal sane bm's.sigh.