You are here

wondering mind

mdeleh's picture

well its been one year living with bf and his 7yrold girl and 12yr old gil. lately im not to happy. I cleaned house on my day off. dust, vaccum,clean bathrooms scrub sinks toilets sweep mop. I had all done by 930am after i got girls off to school. bf worked 5am to 2pm monday threw fru this week. later in day i go up stairs trash on the bathroom floor behind trash can at side, girls cleaned up room a bit. next day 12 year old has friend over so three girls at kichen table stuff that was in chair 7yr old stuff thrown on floor. before i leave to go with my sister i as bf if he will have girls pick up mess on floor. i get home mess on floor, go to bed 12yr old n our bed 3rd time this week one of girls ended up in our room. this sends me overboard i go down stairs tell bf his daughters in bed guess ill sleep on couch.
still a couple days later and still hot bout things. see the girls hardly ever pick up after themselves. toys in kitchen chair clothes in overnight bag on livingroom floor jackets coats in livingroom chair. If they have a snack wrapper could be left on a table kitchen livingroom, coffee table, bookshelf, desk, or even floor. caught 7yr old trying to put starburst wrapper in between the window seel. you see when i met the bf he lived with roomate. the roomate has two girls with the same woman my bf had his girls with. Sadly she died in a car accident several years ago. Awsome that my bf and his friend are raising their kids. seems as if my bf girls were tought nothing about cleaning up after thems selves or any responsibility at all. But at grandmas they are on best behavior. I guess i should have known i would be live in maid cause his old place gross i almost didnt date the man cause of it. four kids and two men in a house WOW!!!!!!!! the bf and his frien just hid out in their own rooms and let the kids be wild. bj got to come and go as pleased and his frinds girls baby sat. so what im wondering is it to late for this children to learn basics. Oh and im pissed at bf cause has bad credit and we cant get house cause of it i have good credit but not enough income. if he would have had good credit we would be moving out of this sm appartment where girls share a room awful. I cant beleive he has ignored student loans, med bill, and had a forclosure and has not taken care of this issue. and also he has a 17 yr old son that lives with his mom they 17ry olds grandma. for years bf has payed child support to his ex while the son has not lived with ex for 5 years. How do you stand by and let someone take your money like that when your to your elbows in dept. I know this is going overboard and beyond step parent type blog but i have to let loose and see what others may think. am i trying to win a battle that is lost. or should i keep up the fighr hoping bf will get a routine going and chip in more around house without me gripping first


Selkie's picture

I don't think you should sit back and hope things get better. I think it's time for a sit-down with BF. You need to explain to him the things that are driving you crazy and have HIM enforce some rules with the girls. Write them down, along with some consequences that you both agree to, then let HIM enforce them. It's his job, as their father, to make sure they follow your house rules. Either that, or accept that your house will be messy when the kids are there. There is a certain amount of mess that goes along with kids but you should be able to expect them to tidy.

This stuff makes me nuts. My FH has 3 teenagers. When they stay with us, none of them pick up after themselves. You can imagine the mess they generate. I'm constantly on my own teenager's butt to pick up her own stuff. But FH doesn't see the mess (I swear he's blind to it). He can walk right past garbage on the floor and literally not see it. So I can't count on him to get his kids to clean up after themselves. I pick my battles. I know they're not going to clean up after themselves so I give them each chores to do. One kid tidies the living room (picking up all the trash), another one sweeps the kitchen and dining room, another one does the dishwasher, etc. If you assign tidy up chores to them (which is your right since it's your home) and have BF make sure they do it, maybe things will improve.

I can't say much about the money issue. Some people are good with money, some aren't. It might be on you to get his finances straightened out. When FH and I first met, he hadn't paid taxes in three years and his credit was a mess. It took me awhile but I got it sorted out. I just accept that he's not good with money. But he has so many other good qualities that I can let this one go.

Frecklecat's picture

I agree with selkie and I feel the same way about my BF. He has been bad with money and recently he started giving me his paycheck so I deposit it in my account, pay the bills and he tells me what he needs for the week for gas, seeing the kids, etc. He knows he's bad with money and I am a saver so he put me in charge but we discuss together where our money goes. What's not to love about a guy like that even if he isn't as tidy as I am.

As for the cleaning, I am a freak about it myself (I get that from my mother) and I accept that he isn't as neat as I am so I tidy up. Haven't dealt with the skids' messes so much but I have trained BF to do some cleaning and he is good about making his kids clean up after themselves in the common areas of the house. We don't live together yet but agreed that the kids can let loose in their own rooms when that happens if the rest of the house is tidy. We will not interfere with private bedrooms unless we feel the kids may be doing drugs or some other illegal activity or the room smells like a toxic waste dump!!