Another Day in Maxlandia
I’ve started “Bonus Family” on Netflix. I get it, I enjoy it but yet I still think they are sugar coating a lot of steplife. The bio-dad in both situations is still looked upon in a negative way. We have William’s dad, Patrik, who’s just knocked up his new girlfriend and failing miserably in connecting with her kids. Then there’s Eddie’s dad,Martin, who lives with his mom, plays Disney Dad for his demon son. And yet they all act familiar with one another. In real life, we don’t show up to casually chitchat at each other’s work or call the supposedly bothersome ex (Williams mom, Katja?) asking to sing happy birthday together even though we hate each other. The only thing I find relatable is William. He is mild tempered and smart like my stepson and his relationship with Lisa is similar to how my relationship is with my SS (except my SS has known me longer than 3months.)
Shockingly BM emailed me today. She told me she wasn’t going to make it to the Parent-Teacher conference this week and if I’ll just let her know how it goes...I just...don’t know why she’s emailing ME instead of DH. I also don’t understand how BM can leave work at least once a week to have lunch with SS for those MOTY social media posts, but oddly enough can’t make it to Teacher Conference day. She didn’t even ask for the times before she just assumed she couldn’t make it. She didn’t even TRY! She assumed I’d be there even though I have work though. This is the epitome of our “relationship” (I used that term loosely) BM acts like I’m the big bad overtaking wolf in front of an audience but in the shadows is depending on me to get her through her motherly responsibilities without having to actually do anything. Doing it doesn’t bother me—idiots believing her even with reality in their face is what kills me. She looks foolish to be able to come for lunch but not to meet with the teacher. My response was simply that WE weren’t going to a conference tomorrow because DH already met with SS’s teacher weeks ago! Her response was positively brimming. I’m guessing she took it as “well since there’s no conference to miss then I’m technically not being a slacker mom after all” Barf.
Other Stepmom- SS’s brother’s stepmom has become a friend of mine. I keep her at arms length but I can’t help but help her do better than I ever did when it comes to dealing with BM. I warned her about BMs obsession with competition, was proved right then again advised her to just create a new account and block BM completely. She’s started the process but I also think she’s getting swept up in the drama of it all. Stepmom is doing a particular diet and runs a support group for it and everything. She posts about her weightloss journey as well as her meals and workouts. Now that’s what BM is doing except she’s doing “2-a-days” or pushing double the weight than whatever Stepmom posts. I sit back and watch and think to myself 1. This is childish and 2. Also glad it’s no longer me she’s fixated on beating. But as I say that I glance at our newest family addition.DH won SS a fish at the fair, and not to ever be outdone, BM got SS TWO fish at the fair the next night. Ha!
I’m sure there’s more but these are the highlights I can think of for now.
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Comments
Well it is a tv show...but I
Well it is a tv show...but I find it more relatable than anything out there. The relationships between the characters are more nuanced than good vs bad and I really feel for Patrick because he's much like me. I think the dinner prep scenes are Perfect! So one gets out of it what one will...and the mom's don't get sugarcoated. That's evident in later episodes.
Isn't it just a bit funny that your BM contacts you? Yet you're thinking the women talking is odd? The relationships are strained (after all it's a super recent separation).
Besides William, I tend to
Besides William, I tend to identify with Patrik more than the rest. We mostly see Lisa playing a Disney mom to her kids, not so much a stepmom for William but I guess that’s because he’s so self-reliant.
I really liked the show for
I really liked the show for the overall problems we face in stephell. Birthdays, boundaries, holidays, schedules... etc
Patrick only called Katja imo to be "even" with Lisa because he's super irritated that she's close with Martin and wanted to play happy family too. That was my impression.
That’s a good point. Kind of
That’s a good point. Kind of childish but I can see it now as a Get-Even tactic. When I saw it I was thinking he was trying to mimic Lisa because he thought that’s what good coparenting was.
Is this on the American
Is this on the American Netflix or on the UK one too? Half tempted to get Netflix to watch this show!
Interestingly I know more separated couples who communicate via the new partners than with each other. Often the new partners are more reasonable than the ex. But I can see why you'd be annoyed, I would be too. It also sounds like she's putting on a good show but yeah relying on you in the background. I guess making out you're overtaking everything makes her feel better so people don't see her for what she is. It sounds though like you're doing right by your stepson which will pay off in the long run.
It’s in Swedish I believe. I
It’s in Swedish I believe. I watch with subtitles and it’s fine. Some days I can’t figure out why I’m still watching and other days I don’t realize I’ve watched three episodes back to back.
I just started watching it
I just started watching it too
I'm watching this right now.
I'm watching this right now. It's like they've been on Steptalk and thrown in every possible problem there could be. But my feelings about it are:-
1) The BS of Lisa is a nightmare and she never ever says no to him. He is ridiculously rude to everyone. I just got to the episode where her partner's father suggests he needs a 'diagnosis' - he certainly does. 'bonus family' that kid is NO bonus.
2) The ex of Lisa (BS aboves father) is a night mare disney dad who needs to move on.
3) They seem to have NO boundaries at all. Lisa's partner (cant remember his name) demanding that his Ex Katja write a report on how their time is spent when her new BF is there is ridiculous. I would tell him to get lost.
Lots of other stuff going on there but I find the therapists funny, those little bits of conversation between them after the sessions.
Your response to BM should have been 'Why are you contacting me about this? please contact DH for all future communications'. If she responds to that then you don't reply.
The new stepmom was warned about BM. If people allow others to see all their posts then they have to bite the bullet. FB is very easy to control who sees what now. If she wanted to do it she would have. Be careful of getting drawn into triangulation there.
At first I hated the
At first I hated the therapists little parts, but now I find them ironic. Them giving another couple advice when they are squabbling among themselves.
I think I dislike Lisa more than Martin. I can sympathize with Patrik and all his good intentions going to crap and I take or leave Katja.
Can you put a forwarding rule
Can you put a forwarding rule in your email so when she emails you it forwards to DH?
I can totally see why Patrik
I can totally see why Patrik has a hard time connecting to Eddie... he's a little sh!t.
I've only watched the first episode and half of the 2nd... but I find Patrik more like the majority of people here, so far... feeling left out and wanting what the others have.
I find Katja is a total b!tch - but I also find her detached ways much like many of the SM's here. She's not a SM.. but the vibe I get is a disengaged person on the outskirts of their lives.
William seems to be a product of overly strict, high expectations and lack of affection from mom... maybe I'm wrong, but I got the vibe that he really really really craves affection - just the way he looks at Lisa interact with Eddie makes my heart hurt a little.
Lisa seems to have that unrealistic desire to want everyone to be one big happy family - and nobody else seems to be interested. She seems the type to come on here after a couple months of living together. LOL
***
As far as email - I don't have this issue myself because DH doesn't use email... but if he did, and if BM was to ever contact me (she hasn't) I think I would REPLY (not forward) and put dh's email address (leaving her in there), and send a really sickly sweet message to dh..and yes I'm aware it's totally petty but I don't care, since it will never actually happen...
"Honey - I think ss's mother meant to send this to you. I'm not sure why she's emailing me about ss when she really should be communicating with you... maybe you could ask her to stop assuming I'm going to take on her mothering responsibilities? I really don't want to overstep any boundaries.
Thank you my sweetheart, love you xoxoxoxoxox"
Of course she'll reply and go off on you... "oops so sorry, I hit reply instead of forward, didn't notice you were still on the email chain... you want to talk about it? sure, but nothing to talk about. He's YOUR son, don't assume I will do your job for you while you pretend you've got it all under control. You emailed to say you couldn't make a conference, but you didn't know when it was going to be, you didn't even bother to try and make it. Why should I leave work to do YOUR job? Be a parent."
Haha! The response to the
Haha! The response to the email is hilarious. I should have done that.
Lisa and Martin really annoy me as parents. They are the worst.
I watched 3-4 episodes. I
I watched 3-4 episodes. I can’t watch it anymore. I want to wring that little boy neck so bad. Then I want to wring his parents neck for letting him act like that. Does anyone really let their kids act THAT bad?
Me too, although I did watch
Me too, although I did watch through to the end of the series.
Eddie is the worst, Patrik
Eddie is the worst, Patrik has more patience than I ever could with that little shit. Especially with that snake fiasco. They really could have done something with the teen daughter’s character though. That’s just a goldmine all in itself with a stepdad thrown in there.
Yes.
Yes.