Beneficiary
Okay, I need another point of view here 
Okay so I do not have any bio children yet I have been married since 2004 I have 2 stepchildren 10 yrs and 7 years that I take care of 100 % of the time they call me Mom. Recently I found out I have severe cervical Dysplasia and I need to have a Leep procedure on Friday I have been really upset about this because we are planning for a biological child (I have wanted to have a child for a long time but was waiting for the right man to marry and be at stay at home mom) anyway so the other day my husband said he was worried about not being there for me because he is away working and I thought that was nice but then this morning he asked "When we got married did you list me as beneficiary?" I was shocked he asked this and I said I think I signed off on something at work about that but I told him it bothered me that he asked and he said "well you are going to be put under for surgery so I was just asking ...you are listed as a beneficiary on my policy" I said "so I am going for surgery and you are thinking if I die of making sure your pockets are lined?" Anyway it ended up in a heated disagreement... so I am wondering why do I feel bothered by this? If anybody else would or is it just me...
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I'm so sorry
I had minor dysplasia, and last December had the Leep procedure done. It wasn't painful and my next gyno visit was 'all clear'.
Anyway, it would bother me if my DH would ask me such a question before surgery. Men can be so dense sometimes...
hmmmm
i guess it would bother me depending on how my hubby asked the question. Poor taste if you ask me. If your relationship is otherwise good maybe it was taken out of context? That was really bad timing to ask on his part tough. Knowing me, I would probably be annoyed myself. Try calmly telling him that this surgery is a big, scary issue to you and that him being a beneficiary was the last thing on your mind. That his question was hurtful to you. Just don't argue over it and then say things you don't mean.
don't feel too bothered
First - he's a man - they think differently about these things than we do. There is an emotional side and a practical side. If he's like most men, he is generally wary of the emotional side of things and likes to deal with the practical/tangible side. If you're in a good relationship, I would not doubt that he is primarily concerned about your health and is probably nervous about the procedure. However, that might be too hard for him to face, so he's figuring out ways to take care of the practical things. A life insurance policy is not always about lining pockets, but making sure that medical bills and other expenses can be taken care of for the family in the event of a tragedy. I assume this is the first time something like this has come up in your relationship and maybe it's the first time he honestly thought to ask about it. Obviously, I don't know the details of your relationship, but I find that most guys handle heavy emotional issues differently than women so I would take it with a grain of salt. Maybe just tell him that you're scared and nervous and would appreciate some emotional support before jumping into the colder practical details of the event. He is somewhat valid in his concerns - he probably just expressed them in the wrong order and/or at the wrong moment.
Beneficiary cont'd
Thank you for all your replies! I guess I am old fashioned in a way I just feel like a man should not ask his wife that because he should be the breadwinner (especially when he has children and she doesnt) and as it is when we first started out I had a house, good credit....and he didn't have anything really and took me for granted in the begining until I stood up for myself. He holds up his end now and things have been much better but even if it wasn't before my Leep surgery I think I would still be irritated... I don't know.... what do others do in my situation? Women with no children and he has them and you still work.....do you have him as a beneficiary?
yup
I'm 32, no children, in law school, working part-time at a job that probably pays me too much money, own my own condo and my own car. My BF is my age, has a young son, a history of credit mistakes and rents his apartment and has a car lease. We are planning to get married in the next year and have discussed finances extensively. I actually told him that I won't marry him until we go see a credit counselor and talk openly about the best way for us to deal with our financial future as far as paying off my school loans, selling my condo to buy a house etc. I know that our financial strength after we get married will come from me, not from him. He has a good, professional job that pays well, but I have made smarter decisions in my history than he has.
All that said - we talk regularly about financial decisions already and about how we'll deal with them when we're married. I know it's all the assurance I'm going to get so when we get married, I will add him as beneficiary and I will use the proceeds from my condo on a down payment for a house for us. He is my best friend and my greatest love - at some point you just have to take a risk and say it's worth it - otherwise, what's the point? We will maintain separtate bank accounts and a joint 'house' account, but I wouldn't want to leave him strapped with medical/death expenses in the event of my death, so it seems like a no brainer to me.
I wouldn't let it bother me
I wouldn't let it bother me I do have bio children and was just married in May and had to make the tough decision of who to make a beneficiary. So after a lot of thinking I put him in for 50% of my life insurance and my children each get 25%, that way he will have the money to take care of medical and funeral cost and hopefully the money that is left tomy kids will take care of them. Now once they become of age I may just switch it all to him for they will be old enough to care for themselves.
Live for today,you may not have a tommorow
wouldn't bother me
I think his timing was a little bad, but the thought probably hadn't crossed his mind before that time. It is something that needed to be discussed. Unfortunatley it is a part of life. My husband was scheduled for surgery today (thankfully it was postponed till next week) and we had this discussion after leaving the doctors office. I think it is a mature discussion that all married couples need to have. Nothing bad is going to happen but there is no need to not be prepared at the million chance that something does. I mean, my husband's surgery is only to remove three golf ball size beging tumors, but god forbid something happened to him, I need to know what I am included on, where everything is and what I need to do. That is my responsibilty to him as his wife and friend as well as the mother to our kids (and we have no bio kids together either)
Forget it.
I also had this done a few years ago, it's not a biggie. But ANY health hiccup is a reasonable time for people to start thinking about whether or not their "affairs are in order." I've been having a few health issues, too, and was even tested to find out if I had a brain tumor, which I don't. My husband said, "If anything ever happened to you, I'd be screwed, because I have no idea where our money is, how you dole it out or even where you keep the passwords to get into all of our accounts." And he's right! I wasn't offended at all, but it did make me realize that I should probably draft some instructions for him, just in case. It probably wasn't brought up in the most delicate of fashions, but most men aren't terribly delicate. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's natural.
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)