You are here

moving away for a job?

MaddieH's picture

Submitted by MaddieH on Sat, 05/10/2014 - 5:34am

I'm due to graduate soon and will therefore be looking for a job real soon. I'm wondering what the view is on distance from step kids? It's possible I may have to move for a job since there doesn't tend to be many jobs in my chosen field near me, which will inevitably impact my DF. We currently live around a 40min trip away from BM, but how far away would you say is reasonable to limit my job search. Custody is not through the courts since in the UK they're really reluctant to go through the courts (or so his solicitor told him) and it's currently on an every other weekend basis. I really don't know what to look for. I don't want to limit my search too much as I face the very real possibility of not finding a job in my degree subject, but at the same time I don't want to affect DF's ability to see his son too much. Anyone have any advice on the matter?

Comments

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Sat, 05/10/2014 - 6:12am

Actually in the thick of things, it doesn't matter what anyone here would think is an appropriate moving distance. We're not ones getting married and facing the decision then living with the choice. This a totally something your DF and you need to discuss and weigh your options together.

Questions to him as to how far does he feel comfortable with? If it is x distance will it affect his visitations? If so, to what degree and how could a different schedule fit into the distance? If it's 4 hrs one way instead of the current 40mins, does it really mean he no longer sees his son EOWE? It runs down to a choice. Is he willing to drive this distance every two weeks and back? Many times when a parent moves it becomes their responsibility for sole transport and cost.

DF obviously knew this move may be coming with the degree you were schooling for. He had to have known it might require a move early this year when you became engaged. How does a possible move affect his own career choices? Are there job opportunities in your search area for him? His ability to work and earn has to be considered also as he has a child he must pay CS to.

Sit down and run different scenarios with DF. Check out the employment situation in various places/distances. Discuss how each would benefit and/or hinder both you as a couple and him as a father. No one but DF/you can set a distance for you two that works for both of you and both are comfortable with. For example, he may think flying his son in once a month for a weekend if the distance is far is a key to workability , on the other hand, he may very much come to resent a too far move if it means seeing his son only during the summer and extended holiday breaks.