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I hate my partners son

MaddieH's picture

So why don't I just leave?! Every second I have to spend with my partners son I hate. I'm 23, I don't want to be tied down with a four year old. I feel awful about the way I feel. I feel like I should be able to get over it, he only sees his kid every other weekend. Surely if I love someone I should be able to get over it?! It's 52 nights a year, well a little more due to holidays but even still, it's only 1/5th of my entire life. But then why I don't just leave?! I don't understand any of this Cray 2 I love my partner but I don't love his son at all. I hate that he was stupid enough to plan a child at 19. My partner and I are great together. I'd say we're perfect except for the kid issue, which is obviously a big flipping issue. I just really don't know what to think atm. Sometimes I like spending time with his son but most of the time I just can't wait for him to leave and just dreading the next time BM causes drama or we have to spend time with the kid.

Comments

Gabriels Mom's picture

You don't have to love or even like his kid. You haven't stated why you don't like the kid..is he unruly? Is it the BM you have issues with?

Honestly, it sounds like this is not the right relationship for you. He has a kid, that is never going to change. If you don't like his kid now I wouldn't hope for "I'll eventually like the kid" because that doesn't usually happen. Whatever bothers you will keep on bothering you and will get worse.

Perhaps you should find someone who doesn't have children.

MaddieH's picture

That's just it. The kid doesn't do anything wrong. He's just being a kid. I don't hate the kid specifically, I guess I just dislike kids in general. I resent the situation. I feel bad for saying it because he's a happy kid. I guess I just wish I could be okay with him being around EOWE. I've worked hard to get where I am, still am working hard. I feel like I don't want to be dealing with BM drama and a kid being under my feet. I feel like society expects us to love step kids and want to spend time with them when really, when BM is kicking off saying my partner can't see his son, I feel bad for my partner but inside I'm happy kid isn't coming.

MaddieH's picture

We've been together almost 3 years. Thought I could handle the fact he has a kid but I still don't like the time I spend with him. We've literally just done the paperwork for a place together to move in. Now I'm super regretting it but he's handed in his notice on his own place so he have nowhere to live if we didn't take this place now. I want for us to work I just really don't see how when every second the kid's here I can't wait for him to leave. It's not like that feeling will ever change.

MaddieH's picture

I'm pretty sure I feel the same as most stepmums on this one - praying to God I never have to deal with the kid 24/7. Though on the plus side at least we wouldn't have to put up with BM's bullshit.

MaddieH's picture

Tbh I'm not entirely sure what my issue is. Even though BM can be bat sh*t crazy when talking to my partner, the kid is well behaved, polite and generally a good kid so she must be doing something right. Of all the kids I know, he's probably the happiest and most well behaved one. I'm having a rough time mental health speaking atm and dislike being around anyone (including my partner) when things really flare up. I'm a pretty much run away and hide type of person when mental health gets bad. I don't know if I'm just feeling like this because of the mental health issues and I'd be stupid to throw away what's normally a fantastic relationship, or if I genuinely have an issue with my partner having a kid.

As far as full custody is concerned, yes you're right. It was naive of me to think we wouldn't have to deal with BM's bs if my partner got full custody. And yes knowing her it wouldn't stop even if she were to die. Honestly, the thought of full custody would terrify me. But I've always wanted what's best for him and would never want to see him come to any harm. I don't know if I'm just making this issue into a bigger deal than it should be.