WHAT A MESS!
My DH and I have been married for almost 5 years now and we have had FC of his two children since day 30 of our marriage. Just because BM is such a disaster. Now she( after voluntarily giving up custody) wants the kids back. More for the CS then any other reason. We skipped mediation and are now dealing with a G.A.L. We have been on hold with the G.A.L. now for three months. How frustrating!
The BM has the skids convinced that she is the answer to all of their teenage issues that they need to live with her so that they can do whatever they want to do! I just can't believe how much they look to this woman for advise and support. She has them snowed. My DH and I have been completely supportive with both of the children. We pay all of the bills (because she doesn't pay support even though she is CO to do so), we are supportive and we are there whenever BM screws up.
I have just about had enough!!! I am the most worthless person in my skids lives, as far as they are concerned. I can't even get the SD to say good-bye to me in the morning when she leaves with her F to go to school. Even if he says something to her she comes back with a snide remark. "I said good-bye!"
I just keep paying the bills, doing the laundry,cooking, cleaning, and hoping we don't go into complete debt because we are paying for the SS 17 psy. appointments and medication at $600 a month(even though we carry all the insurance on the kids). All because he doesn't want to hear someone tell him "NO"! What is up with these skids and why does their BM think it is O.K. to screw with my life. She has never had any interest in these kids except for the money she might be able to suck out of my DH. We don't have anything left! With medical bills, lawyers and the constant barage stupidity from the BM I am at my last straw! What am I suppose to think. My DH tries really hard to make me happy but even he wonders why I am still married to him. He has even expressed that he feels guilty for marrying me and putting me through all of this mess, on many occassions.
Any suggestions? I would be grateful!
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tell that bitch to stick it
tell that bitch to stick it - garnish her for support and do not give her the kids - i dont see her getting custody back - ask for atty fees from her....
I have been in your
position, and it isnt any fun. I have asked many, many times why I put up with and not divorce him. In the end, it will work out, sounds corny, but it will. My SDs, 18 & 16 also lived with us VERY early on in our marriage. So early in fact, that I dont think we ever got to experience life together w/o kids first. That was a long time ago. Anyway, their BM was the same way. She would disappear for years at a time and not even call, etc, yet when she finally got on meds (mentally ill) and decided she wanted to be in their lives, she has screwed them up so bad! After being gone for 3 plus yrs, she took us to court stating that we were witholding the kids from their visitation...WTF..... at that point she never even came by the house or called in 3 yrs. This is where it all started going down hill for both SD's. The then 16 y/o saw mom as a ticket to freedom b/c she has no rules at all (seriously no rules). So after a yr of putting up w/SD's crap, we let her move in with BM. She left our house attending one of the finest schools in our area with a 4.0 in March and ended up barely graduating with a 1.5 in May. Only 2 mos??? She also missed 23 days of school. She blew off all her scholarships and did not go to college. BM allowed her thug 20 y/o bf to move in with them, go figure. Now she is 18 and pregnant, not married and works at Taco Bell. The thug also works there and he still lives w/BM. Now, you can't tell me these BM's arent a bad influence on these skids. After a long process w/the other SD, she is now also living with BM (you can read previous blogs for that story). My advice to you is either disengage or tell DH to do something about it now before they end up like my SD. I disengaged, because I personally couldn't handle it and we have 2 boys that needed me more. Good Luck to you.
Sounds terrible
All I can offer is that eventually your money or your credit will give out at that rate. Then everyone has to realize, the gravy train is over. Your (financial) recovery starts there! You can say it is earlier than it is, if you want to have any reserves at all.
I think we all feel your pain on giving so much but not getting any credit for your contribution to stepkids life. I think they will have to print that on my tombstone myself, that is the only sincere thanks I expect any more!!
So the word of the day is don't: don't do everything, don't pay for everything, don't worry if they will go wrong if you don't guide them, just let the chips fall where they may - in BM's or stepchild's own lap, where it belongs anyway!
My own mom had the same outlook too, and I never got in trouble because I knew she wouldn't bail me out! tough love honey
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus