It sounds like this little boy may need some professional help. Talk to a doctor about it and have him tested for a neurological disorder or see a psychiatrist.

Also, has there ever been any abuse in his life that you know of or trauma? Abandonment from the mother? Sexual abuse? Or if you know that the mother or father was abused in their child life? Does he ever display extremes of passivity or aggression in his behavior?

Attachment problems are not always from abuse, but they are questions to ask. Indiscriminately attached children are often overly affectionate with people they barely know because they are actually safety-seeking behaviors. All children seek safety but in this case, it stands out to me as it could be a sign of his emotional wellbeing.

I do not want to alarm you, but this sounds like a child who has been abused or neglected. I would strongly suggest that you and your husband consult with a child therapist who has dealt with children who have manifested these types of overly affectionate behavior. Do not take him to a therapist before you have had consultations on your own.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Sometimes children attach strongly to their parents' new partners as a way of staying close to their parent. This young boy may have a separation issue related to his father and mother separating, and connect attachment to you as attachment to his father. I have seen this happen most frequently when the parents separate when the children are very young.

Or, he may see you as taking the role of his mom, to whom you've said he's very close and is the favorite. He may, in his young, non-premeditated way, be trying to recreate that relationship. Separation of parents, even if it occurred when the child is young and occurred some time ago, still creates complex emotional reactions that take unwinding and understanding. My SD is also a clingy, dependent personality and we have had some challenges in unwinding her emotional behaviors--fortunately, both BM and DH were amenable to counseling, and we all work hard on strengthening her independence and self-sufficiency in other areas of life, encouraging her to take chances and get out there -- sometimes its soccer, sometimes its knocking on our next door neighbor's door by herself to ask if their granddaughter can play, with us telling her she's on her own but really silently watching from the sidelines. In other words, being proactive about encouraging independence and bravery and self-sufficiency in a warm, caring, supportive atmosphere. It really seems to have helped over the course of a year, and her clingy episodes and behaviors have decreased dramatically.

If you can't get SS into counseling as it seems you perhaps can't, then I think your idea of you talking with a counselor and doing other research may be the next best thing -- once you understand the reasons underlying the behavior, you can take gentle steps to correct the inappropriate aspects of it while also treating his underlying issue. Good luck.

counseling is definitely something to check into but boundaries might just work.
My bio daughter just turned 11 and is leaving this phase.She got very clingy when we experience a few different tradgedies,a divorce, a death, a fire(total loss). There are obvious reasons for her to have been insecure and needy. We have and are dealing with them. The counseling helped a little but what really made the difference is individual attention at set times.
She needed to know she was as important to me as I was to her. Individual attention helped with this issue.
She needed it reinforced with structure so I set aside 1/2 hr to spend soley on whatever she wanted per day. No one is allowed to interupt that time. I do this for all of my kids but especially for her.
If she tries to "cling to me at other times I remind her that other people including me have needs, and that she will get her time and be able to interact more with me then. If it is an emergency then I will deal with it immediately. If not then she can wait until I can "give her my FULL attention" She is very accepting of this.
She does have to be reminded and at first it broke my heart and hers to do this. But she needs to learn to respect boundaries of other peoples if she to ever be a socially acceptable adult.
Once the child understand and accepts the boundaries it is so much better of a relationship for you and them. Especially when you don't feel like you have to "run and hide" just to get a break from the smothering. Good Luck!

Lisa Dawn

I look at this a little differently. I although am not at your house when this goes on obviously, but I think its kinda sweet.
Think back to elementary school and having a crush on some cute teacher or something..
He is 7 and will grow out of this in time I think. I think that what some say is right he may just view you as the way to be close to his dad. Lets face it is easier with one child verses multiple I mean its hard to divide time up equally and all that..
I would not push him away but yet maybe sit down and talk to him in a way he understands. You did not mention that he is touching you inappropriately.. So it just sounds to me like a simple little crush or just the affection of a female at his dad's house. Which he may have missed out on for sometime after parents split.
Don't be creeped out.. Just sit down and talk to him... I think that might work..