The bitter ex-wife
THE ISSUE- co-parenting with our ex's has been really difficult even though we tried for about the first 8 months to make it work. It was hard when we were married to them, it seems even harder now. It has gone down hill in the last 4 months or so. Our ex's have both stated they are jealous of how we are when with each other, how we act toward each other, and how we parent our kids together, and how they feel its better than our previous relationships with them. His ex-wife tries to tell me horrible things he's done or gross habits and tells me she wished she could have made it work WITH him and that its not fair that he does all of these things for me that he didn't do for her. I try to tell him that she says things like that to me but to him all she says is "oh that's great, I really hope you guys work out!" is it just me or does that sound completely two faced?! I have stopped talking to her bc we tried to be friends but she just kept talking to me like that and I couldn't take it anymore. On top of that I'll try to help with problems our 6 year old is having ( bc she asks for my advice) and even if she knows what she's doing is wrong (bc she says she does) then she does it anyways (then if I get upset she says she doesn't give a shit what I think??) I'm so confused! I have no idea what to do.
WHAT MY BOYFRIEND SAYS- he doesn't believe me that she says those things bc "its not like her." he has also seen very mean and hateful messages from her to me on my phone but then she messages him explain her point then calls him and apologizes and says she wants to fix it( this has happened four times now) he then told me after a few days of me being so overwhelmed and depressed that I shouldn't worry about it anymore and that he would just talk to her from now on, which is really sweet and I know he cares but she still is so fake with him it makes me sick. I've given up on trying to make him see it and realized that I cant let it ruin our relationship.
WHAT OUR COUNCELOR SAYS- I do love our therapist and she's helped our relationship a ton but I just don't think she understands where I'm coming from at all with how judgmental she's been about how I feel about his ex-wife. She says that I should talk to her and make it work for our kids but I feel it is past that. I try to talk about just the kids and if it doesn't go her way she gets nasty and personal and says terrible things about my boyfriend and turns it into being about her.
I just want to say I have so much respect for women who get along with their step-kids parents, it is really hard and I applaud every single one of them for making it work!
So....what do I do? suck it up and fix it? or let it go and try to be happy with my boyfriend and our growing family?