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How do you stepparent

LiveSM17's picture

Submitted by LiveSM17 on Fri, 09/14/2018 - 5:44pm

what is everyone’s  approach on being at stepparent !? Do you stay  in the background ?!? Do you 100% put your all into it as if they were your own? How do you deal with a crazy ex ? Do you cringe everytime the ex calls? 

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ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Fri, 09/14/2018 - 5:54pm

In my case, I put my all into it, and I'm nearly 100% engaged.  There are some things I don't do, though.  For instance, I let SO and BM handle school stuff, because I feel as if it's not my place.  So when SO's oldest has been having issues with kindergarten (she hates it), I've encouraged SO to call the teacher and set up a meeting, and if he does I'll go, but I don't think it's my place to make the call because both SO and BM are in the picture.  I spend more time with the kids than either SO or BM, because of work hours and the custody schedule, and the kids and I currently have a great relationship.

SO's ex is sane and cooperative, and she's a good mother, so while I'd prefer she drop of the face of the earth, she hasn't caused a lot of big problems.  That possibility always lurks in the background, though.  We're friendly but not friends.

LiveSM17's picture

Submitted by LiveSM17 on Fri, 09/14/2018 - 6:10pm

I  tried to be friends with the BM , but one morning she was blowing up my phone his phone and my FB telling me the boys were in the  hospital, and since Our phones were on vibrate we were bad parents and you’re responsible. We later found out the boys were never in the hospital so I blocked her and have not had communication with her since . Witch make the Coparenting a little harder

GoingWicked's picture

Submitted by GoingWicked on Sat, 09/15/2018 - 8:02am

When SD was little, I gave her 100%.  I had to, we had her a lot and I was home the most.   Then as she got older and her mom moved closer, I slowly disengaged, little step by little step.  One of the greatest things I taught SD was how to do things on her own, so I have very little guilt, and I know if BM isn’t doing her job at her home SD knows how to take care of herself.

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Sat, 09/15/2018 - 7:37pm

After all these years, I've learned to let my skids dictate how involved I am

With OSD for example, who has made it clear she despises me and only lives to stick it to me every opportunity she gets, to say I'm in the background is an understatement. I'm non-exsistent. I see her a few times a years at DH's family get together's, I smile and wave, pretty much have zero to do with her or say to her, and that works just great

With my YSD, she is much better with me. Has even on occasion referred to me as her "other Mom", and we have a much better relationship. I tend to do much more for her, definately have much more contact with her. But even in her case, although I'm more involved, after many hurts there too have stopped falling over backwards. 

We're going out west to see her in a few weeks and so I asked her what the baby needs, bought the items she said would be great and then some (I had fun buying some adorable little outfits too) and we will have a nice visit, but that is the extent of it. 

Her mother (BM) I pretty much ignore as much as OSD and SIL, too much water under the bridge there too!