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Why can’t I connect with his children?!?

LiveSM17's picture

I need someone who can relate. I can’t seem to bond with my soon to be SS they are 2 and 4. I have 3 kids of my own a16 and 12 year old daughters and a 9 year old son Who is mildly  intellectually disabled. My BFs 4 year old is  out of control He has been kicked out of five day cares in one school.  Has mom refuses to get him help. He has such violent Behavior. I feel I have to  protect my son from him.  We got a report from daycare saying that he spent and the teachers face four times ripped glasses off of the kids face punched another kid climbed on the chairs running and screaming down the hall. I had my bf call his ex to come up  with a disciplinary  plan. She said I don’t know what you want me to do about it he’s not a dog I can just Rub his face in it and spank him. His only 4!! So now the 2 year old is  following in his footsteps. Every Tuesday and Thursday and every other Saturday is a night mare!!!   I feel so bad I can’t bond with them.  I feel like since I can’t bond with them I shouldn’t marry their father !! I just don’t know what to do anymore!!!!!!!

Comments

GirlfriendMom's picture

You need to get these problems fixed before you get married. These children are so young that you could be dealing with this behavior for another 14-16 years before they are even close to getting out of your home. It could get worse, scary, and dangerous. 

Make it clear to your SO that this behavior is effecting your relationship and it needs to be fixed. The whole family needs to be seeing counselor sooner rather than later. If the mom wont do it than your SO needs to for the sake of his children, your marriage, and your own children as well. If anything they should be taken from moms home if she won't get mental help for her kid(s).

This needs to see major improvement before I suggest you even come close to marrying this person. If SO refuses to do change and his kids just keep getting worse (and scarier) as they get older, I would leave. For the sake of my own safety and my childrens safety.

twoviewpoints's picture

Forget about bonding with these little demon behaving children. 

Your priority is the well being and safety of your own child. 

Move out, cancel the wedding and hold your ground. You can go back to dating your BF if you wish, but there was nothing in your post that said you and your children should be anywhere near this situation And from the sounds of the BM this kid isn't going to be e-val and possibly diagnosed and/or any treatment any time soon. 

LiveSM17's picture

You guys are so right thank you so much. I’ve been wishing and to find people I could talk to about my  situation ! 

MidwestMrs's picture

You feel you have to protect your son well protect him!! Your children are your priority. Not out of control hellions. 

Harry's picture

with kids like that ??  It’s not that you can not bond I cant see how you could live like that !  Protect your kids get away from that hell hole.  Its not going to get better 

Areyou's picture

Protect your children. I canceled the wedding, moved out and continue to date DH. We keep going back and forth about whether or not to go to counseling and sort out our stuff as well as skid stuff but I’m not holding out any hope. I don’t think counseling will help us. We are too far gone.

LiveSM17's picture

Thank you everyone! I just have a got feeling if he doesn’t get the help he needs soon his going to be one of the kids that kills  small animals as is in and out of  juvenile . I was wondering if there was anyway I could get her in trouble for child endangerment for not getting him the help he needs because he beats up so many kids at day care and he’s hurting himself ?!?

Mrs Fireball's picture

There's not much, if anything, you can do, unfortunately. You can't care more than the parents. Your BF and BM are not good parents and you're wise to be concerned. This sounds like a potential nightmare situation for you and your kids. 

sunshinex's picture

Kids are annoying by nature, so it's hard to bond with kids that aren't blood-related. In my opinion, it's a biological thing. BUT it's even harder when they're misbehaved like this. It's next to impossible. 

Siemprematahari's picture

You can't connect with his kids because they act like Chucky on steroids. I woldn't want to be around or bond with little Gremlins like that either so its no surprise why you DO NOT want to bond with them.

You stated " I feel like since I can’t bond with them I shouldn’t marry their father !! I just don’t know what to do anymore!!!!!!!"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Do not marry this man and please follow your instinct. You will be in for a lifetime of misery. Seek conseling with him if he is willing but don't marry until you see change and significant amount at that.

LiveSM17's picture

Everyone has such valid point. It is a nightmare and it scary it has been been heavy on my mind a lot lately. I just gave you all a summary of some of the things we have been through this last year! I have told my BF that he is not a good parent and needs to stand up for his kids more and do what is right by them