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So Much to Unpack Here....

Little Type Amy's picture

Let me start out by saying that I am a long time Lurker and First TIme Poster. Hard to believe, but I didnt realieze I Had tentatively signed up to be a member 13 years ago. I must have been too chickenshit to post anything even though I really needed the support. Maybe I was too still too worried about  being found out or so cyncial that I thought Id still get backlash. No offense to anyone. I Have no idea what took me so long to break my silence here.  There is just wayyy too much to unload here and feeling too overwhelmed and burnt out to have the strength to get into everything. I figure I will start at the most recent issue of this past very stressful week and then fill in the blanks as I go along. Trying to take Baby Steps.

A little bit of Background Info. ( I apologize if I still dont have all the lingo down.) DH and I have been together for about 17 years and married for almost 15. No bio kids by choice and a proud FurMom to a tiny dog and a chonky cat which suits me just fine. I also havea SD 29, and was 12 going on 13 when I first came on the scene. An SD who ended up being a total Mini Me of the HCBM, in every way and I do not mean that as a compliment whatsoever. I have had very minimal to no contact for the most part and I also am perfectly fine with that. 

Now that SD has been a full fledged adult, I can say that she is a textbook case of a narcisstic who has never stoppped with this whole Victim Mentality..with BP .who loves to complain and cry Poor Me over everything especially over the consequences of  her own conscious choices. Yet nothing is ever her fault,.there always someone else to blame or the universe, genetics..alaways some stupid excuse  etc, etc,  She takes after BM in that she also grew up to be this Angry Troll of a woman who is just mad at the whole world over things she doesnt have that and feels everyone owes her.  She just brings everyone down. She has little to no self respect,.is also always has been so starved and desperarte for attention,,,needs constant validation., She can never be satisfied.  A total drama queen who Has no trouble being emotionally manipulative to get try to take advantage of others who h shown her even a shred of kindness .Run of the Mill SKID as im sure most of you know only too well .I Have had her pegged and saw her true colors play out like this many times. After lots of serious thought and reflection...with my gut instincts pretty much screaming at me,that I f wanted to listen to ,,I decided that I no longer feel comfortable with the idea or reingaging. or wanting  a close  relationship with her. Just not the kind of person I would want to be around if it werent for the DH. 

A few years back when my DH;s Uncle and my FIL passed around the same time, I Had grappled with how I felt about accepted her half assed Olive Branch..and trying not to feel guilty about being so skeptical and uneasy about it. Its not about holding a grudge but its remembering all ends up the same in the end which is why I decided I had to stand firm on disengaging as best I can since my peace and mental sanity really did depend on it. It got to that point for a reason. That brings up to the latest drama of this past week...when I was to say that I hope I finally got some more vindication verifying that my intution has been right on target all alonig so I have nothing to feel so horrible about.  So here comes the bombshell..( and this is one of lots of reasons WHY i decided I was better off not getting myself dragged back into her mess). DH and I had learned that SD had gotten arrested of her involvement in a prostitution ring. It didnt just happen, but I wouldnt beleive her for shit if she were to tell me she stopped doing this, This was just the one time she got caught. .The incident did make the news and its public knowledge in black and white. I just let DH decide to do what he will with this information. So this is the latest...and just in time for Mothers Day, I should be so proud...Not to leave things hanging but will leave it here so I can take a break. to gather myself.. Its taken most of my strength to finally post this and vent....


StepUltimate's picture

Crazy news but you're 100% on the right track being fully disengaged, trusting your gut, and leaving your DH determine what (if anything) he will do/say about the info. 

I hope blogging here helps you as much as it has helped me. Nobody understands what you've gone through like others with toxic step-hell experience. Your feelings are valid!


Aniki-Moderator's picture

A prostitution ring? Wow! 

You've waited a long time to post. I hope you feel some relief after being able to write what you could. {{{hugs}}}

Little Type Amy's picture

Acute Thank you

MorningMia's picture

It's so . . . sanity enhancing to disengage from monsters, especially early on. Still, their antics and behaviors are capable of bringing some crazy into our lives. DH and I have been together for a similar period of time and began dating when my SD was 12, too. We don't have kids, either. Seems there are "hits," some more shocking than others, that come at least every few years. I get it. 

Little Type Amy's picture

Tell me about it. Its undeniable how Peaceful life is without the Skid Marks who unfortuanately are still out there somewhere with their drama, Also unfortunate how it never ends sometimes even as adults. I admit that Its got to this point where I wasnt even all that shocked over her supposedly former career as an Escort,  ( God knows what else she has gotten herself into,,very telling ) I am actually glad in a weird sort of way that I found out.  And also glad she reacted like the same spoiled 12 year old brat when she knew I learend about it, Im sure she is just pisssed because she was banking on us not finding out,,,Forgetting that everything in the dark eventually comes into the light, Once in a while, while debating with myself over whether to give her yet another chance, i was secretly hoping that something about her would come up would once again come to light and validate what the good Old Intuition was saying,,,it didnt steer me wrong

Rumplestiltskin's picture

That's...a lot. Hopefully your DH conducts himself in a way that minimizes the impact on you. 

Little Type Amy's picture

He has,,,thank God..I am hoping he has finallly seen the light although stopped being totally blind to her BS years ago.

A couple of days later, when we were sitting in the waiting room at the Vet. From the corner of my eye, I saw a text in from her starting with whole Daddeeeeee schpeel. Most likely pitching him the same sob story she tried to tell when she confronted me in which little to no accountability was taking, And most likely blasting me for also not buying it. I saw that he ignored the text and kept doing what he was doing,,,so I am hoping that a good sign that hes not feeding into her crap, 

Harry's picture

I know, as much as this proves your point to DH  that something is wrong with his DD .  It's not a happy win.  Because he's hurt,  you must think if DH knows BM his ex is crazy,  that some of that was passed on to her.  That he feels that SD didn't stand a chance in life.  It's really not her fault  it's BM doing.  The one he had kids with.  So he has to admit he part of the problem.   That's very hard to do.

With that said just make sure DH isn't coming up with thousands of $ for lawers for his DD.  B

Little Type Amy's picture

You are very correct...its definitely not a happy win and the apple didnt fall far at all from the Bat Shit Crazy Tree.Not by a long shot

DH had found out about this after the fact, so I have no idea who bailed her out once she was charged, Maybe her Pimp or her alleged Fiance/ latest Boyfriend sprung her instead...Fine by Me...I have had my own set of seperate finances ( SD, BM when he still "owed her useless ass CS being a huge reason why I felt that didnt have to change and it certainly wont)  SD is hopefully at least smart enough to understand we dont have that kind of money ,,and she is not to get one red cent from me. That I can promise. 

Little Type Amy's picture

Thanks everyone, I feel reassured that I have come to the right place. So, I give things a couple of days to blow over. Lo and behold, I get a text through Facebook Messenger from SD29. Mind you the first time she has attemtped to contact me in since  going on 2 years to this day .I am NOT hurt by this believe me, I still kept my resolve to not pester DH about if he said anything to SD. He must have since I doubt she would reached out to try to explain it all away too if he hadnt, Took the time to create  a whole new FB profile too. I swear I lost count of how many shes drummed up. So, I had previously blocked her one what i thought was her main one before so I tried the no to very minimal contact thing from my end. I didnt indulge her for a while,,,just let her spew. whatever nonsense I had a feeling was coming my direction. I know it would be advised that I just ignored her completely and blocked her once again. Trust me, this was a situation in which I was damned if I didnt and damned if I did. Being that SD still couldnt or didnt want to take the hint.  I figured the best solution was to try to take the high road, put the pause on ghosting her and approach this bring some rationality and some truth . I decided to remove all the labels, thet titles and alll that,,respond to her in a matter as if she were any other ( alleged) adult. I had no illusions whatsoever that it would go well.IT never does . You'll see what a waste of time any attempts at counseling or therapy with her ended up being,,,we tried. So, This has been far from my first rodeo with this loose cannon and SD proved again just how predictable she can be in spite of all the chaos, Her very long winded crazy messages need to be broken down in parts too...and they still probably dont make sense. Not much has in SD world which I have stopped expecting a long time ago. So, I am not surprised in the least but still oh so infuriating ! 


Little Type Amy's picture

As expected, I didnt get ANY apology from SD...I never have so no shock there since Nothing is her fault in the end.. Her idea of one in this instance was to feel she had to Apologize on Behalf on the Person who had also tipped us of to her prostititution stint., whom She is accusing of telling us on purpose to Stir the Pot and cant imagine what this persons motive was to cause problems with DH and I . As if SD hasnt been the one to Pull this crap and throw wrenches into our relationship,,as if she didnt have her own motive. Just total deflection and I want to say attempt to gas light me to make me doubt reality.  Isnt this ridiculous? As I also explained to her, It doesnt matter to me who told us and why since the person didnt catch us onto anything that wasnt the truth and without concrete proof.  It fell on deaf ears because she had to repeat several times why this third preson the was the only person to be blame and we should be disappointed in her.  I knew she would pull this Card out of her bag of tricks....the Blame Card. 

Winterglow's picture

I'd go completely grey rock with her. No need,to announce it, just do it. Block all her access to you. Stop caring (if you still do), she's 29 and there's nothing you can do that will change her. Use your energy to do things that make you smile, feel good, bring you joy.

Life is short, make the most of it and exclude those who taint your life.

Little Type Amy's picture

Believe Me..thats exactly what I have been doing as much as possible for a long time yet SD still wont get the message. But thats on her to deal with, 

Winterglow's picture

When she contacts you with yet another new id, "tell your dad" and block that account too. Keep doing it until she gets fed up. Do not read or listen to what she has to say because it's of no importance to you. 

Little Type Amy's picture

Thanks, WinterGlow! She will be lucky if I even tell her that much. Will just skip right to the Blocking. Maybe add in a report for Harrassment for a little decoration. The amendum to that is that she abruptly blocked me mid conversation when she threw a virtual tantrum...when she  realized all her tricks werent working me over anymore  like they normally would have. Now that FB profile is suddenly nowhere to be found..including comments she had made on her Dad's page. Im not sure if she is so pissed at me she blocked her Dad too  or just deleted this latest account. Just vanished into thin air from whence it came.  It's striking me as the virtual equivilant to a little kid threatening to run away from home to get attention, but not meaning it. I bet she might be lurking now on another profile. Really... she must have way too much free time on her hands. I know that for a fact because she hasnt managed to hold or get an actual suitable, LEGAL  job in a few years or so.....well..actually..ever. Well..thats a whole other issue or three there....

Rags's picture

I'm so sorry to hear about your SD's crime career.  Not just crime, but... sex industry crime.

Though I am a man, I get skeeved out by strip clubs. I have a couple of very close friends who love  them. I do not.  I could not imagine a Skid working on their back, or whatever other orientation is in play.

For fun in an intimate actual relationship, great.  But for money.  Nope.

Does your DH even know about it? If not, he needs to.  If it was my Skid, I would have to tell my spouse and support my spouse through addressing it with the prostitute.

I know you have been lurking for 13+ years, but ... Welcome. I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful advice and perspective from others who are living the blended family dream.

Give rose


Little Type Amy's picture

I did decide to break down and tell him after letting the news simmer with myself for a couple of days or so. I just had to cave since it was eating me up inside and was having a difficult time being able to hide it.  I simply showed him the news article, being as supportive as possible without rubbing his nose in it.Once I bared him the facts, I also once again clarified that in case it wasnt perfectly crystal clear before, that this is why I have no longer felt totally comfortable and now actually feel unsafe about  rekindling the relationship with her since she has come out of the swamp at times acting like she is entitled to that from me. Ive felt this way without this news, but I felt this was the extra clarifcation and point that I needed to make just so that there are no more delusions otherwise. I might not have handled it well since despite my resolve, my own feelings of stress about her bubbled up and this is far from the first time.  I feel i should be justified  in being way beyond playing pretend so the cats been out of the bag, But seriously, how else does one handle this situation?  Am I supposed to have framed her mug shot or proudly displayed it on the fridge? By the way, she shows zero sign of shame in it too..actually looks smug about it like it was nothing,  I got verification of her lack of remorse when a few days later ( after two years without a word from her) she emerges out of Facebook Hiding with all this long winded BS totally defending her career as a sex worker.  She actually urged me to check out the show THe Client List for my undestanding and education. ( I am NO supermodel either but this Girl is also as far removed from Jennifer Love Hewittt as you can get too) Totally peddling it like a  religion ( which she also tried to guilt me with too) Most of her message started off regurgiating Bible quotes about no one should Judge anyone but God and none of us are without Sin ( it went ON like that) . Leave it to her to glamorize a FICTIONAL TV show about a high end escort . How many shows feature female doctors, nurses, attorneys, etc...and this is the thing that moves and inspries her ( in her me..I doubt she is getting wealthy cliente).Maybe that was part of her problem before the State Police had conducted a sting operation to catch her..She should have known that kind of thing is just not in the movies. I have never seen this show and I especially have no desire to..( Ironically , it popped up on my Hulu screen when they try to recommend shows. So, even my Roku is against I wanted a reminder)  SHe also had to go on several tirades placing the blame soley on the person she is accusing of tipping me off to the news ( like it wasnt known anyhow) blasting her. So she dropped the whole Pious Church Lady facade real quick once I wasnt buying that either to try to make me feel sorry for her. Then going on to judge me, my life choices and my character ( i was showing my true colors) because I was standing my ground. This is delusion I am dealing with. And there is MORE where this came from too. Just alot to process just from her confrontation alone. I understand that I should have blocked her ( once again) immediately. I chose not to indulge her for most of that day..just let her show herself. I knew this battle was on the horizon coming my way no matter what. Going Grey Rock with her for years didnt end up being effective with her, since according to her reaction to me, just My going about my own business and focusing on myself really bothered her ( like with most miserable narcissisicts like herself..that drives them crazy which it did!) In summary, even keeping to myself and ignoring her drama was being used against me anyway..something was going to be, So, I thought I Might as well let the record show that I did my best to a conduct a logical adult conversation in which i stated my boundaries , my feelings and some common sense truth her way while not overexplaining myself to her I didnt fling any insults her way, didnt say I hated her, didnt even throw anything in her face including her umm career choice, DIdnt bring anyone else into it, especially DH,,just one on one to clear the air.  As predicted, she ignored all of this and still went on her rampage..she couldnt even respect my wishes that i had to reinstate a few times, to keep that conversation between me and her and not to invovle anyone else since this wasnt about them in this instance.  I had NO expectations of her otherwise, since she doesnt know how to NOT involve anyone else since that would mean leaving her to actually take full accountability for her actions without being able to pass the buck. More later on. 

Little Type Amy's picture

I meant to add that if Blended Family Life is a "dream", ( sure) then who needs nightmares? Stephell is scary enough! 

Rags's picture

Lol.  "LIving the blended family dream" is pure sarcasm when I drop that line.  

Please do not try to engage her in adult conversation.  Just a quick rapier slash with the facts, and end the blather from her.  If she tries to expand and suck you in.  Just post the article on her prosituton arrest into whatever social media conduit she is using.  If it is in direct conversation with family, friends, etc... forward each of them involved a snip of the article.  No expounding. Just the facts.

Her justification for her life of crime is nothing more than a clear demonstration that she knows she is wrong.  Your protecting yourself, your marriage, and your DH from her, is not judgemental. It is intelligent, mature, and justified.

Jump in, slash with the appropriate fact(s), jump out.

Take care of you.

Give rose

Little Type Amy's picture

I am still refusing to defend her decisions no matter what excuses she always comes up with..This is a whole other bombshell but she used her single mother card..Thats right...she reproduced and dropped out of high school while pregnant. Then decided  to have a second child not too long after even though she coudnt handle the one she had .  With the same Baby Daddy who  also has a criminal record and impregnated more women  too. Dont get me wrong, I have no issue with teenage Moms as long as they manage to turn things out for themselves  to move forward. My SD has yet to do that., She still hopes someone else does that work for her.., Thats why she is still pissed at me over that even though I never volunteered to help raise her children. I still stand on that,,as I told her..its never been fair to put all these pressures on me to do all this for her,..when most of the time ive been with DH she had no interest in getting close to me.. When she does, theres always too many strings attached..its the whole give an inch..take a mile situation. I always had this gut instinct that as much as she says she wants a relationship with me and her Dad but there has still been jealousy at the same time. Which i can sense....Thats been the way from the begiining. 

Rags's picture

My DW was a single teen mom. She had SS-31 when she was 16 the summer between her Jr and Sr year of HS.  The school administrators attempted to get her to drop out and go to pregnant girl GED classes. Nope, she gave them the big finger, stayed with her class, graduated on time and with honors with a less than 1yo on her hip.

She left SpermLand to attend university in another State and never went back (to live).  She finished a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors, became a CPA, and has had a great career.  The nugget she had on her hip when she walked for HS graduation is a good man living a good life for himself.

For some reason the small ag town she grew up in is a highly fertile place for teens.  There must be something in the water.  The number of teen moms is a notable % of the population there.  The alarming thing is that the number of teen dads is less. The perve density in the population there is also high as many teens are fertilized by non-minor baby daddies.  As was the case with the Spermidiot.  He was 23 when SS was born.

My MIL tries to guide the parents of pregnant teens to not abandon guiding their breeder teens to progress toward a life of accomplishment.  The incredible thing to me is the number of these GPs to be who get irritated with my MIl and snap at her "Not every pregnant teen is like your daughter!".  Which is absolutely true.  Though sad to me when a lapse in judgement as a teen causes parents to doom their teen breeder spawn to a life of less than......  They also doom their GKs to a life of less than far more often than not.

Little Type Amy's picture

I Must say my hat goes off to your DW for not letting her circumstances negatively hinder the rest of her life. Well done. Its been way to much to ask of my SD to folllow her example instead of cooking up excuses. According to her sob story, she can't handle getting through a tutoring session for her GED,without crying her eyes out while blaming her Mom for not bringing her when she wasnt milking her anxiety and BPD genetics as the reason . DH has said he tried to help her study to no avail.  ( A HS diploma at least shoudnt be an unreasonable goal to obtain. pretty low bar) I'm sorry but ,,she will say she doesnt have the emotional bandwith for preparing for school..says a minimum wage job isnt sufficient enough for her, but suddenly wasnt "anxious" enough to perform sexual acts for money with strangers because she" doesnt have  the same options as everyone else ( her words)  Are you kidding me?  I dont know anyone who hasnt been broke or just down on their luck( myself included) but  you still have a choice if you want to let your struggles define you for better or worse ( also for the record. NOt meaning to sound glib, but hasnt the NYS min wage been increased to 14 or 15 an hour? Even if thats the best she can do, I would think its got to be better than nothing without turning to crime for fast easy cash...even with considering inflation.. Not like there is any purpose explaining any of this to her i wont. 

Rags's picture

No need to actually do the physical act of being a prostitute these days. A few minutes setting up an OnlyFans page, some theatrical performance practice of orgasmic release on camera, and $$$$$$$$.

As I understand it anyway.  I have never been on OnlyFans but I understand it is a cash cow for people without standards of character.

As long as the performer is 18.

Little Type Amy's picture

I have no doubt in my mind whether or not SD is on Only Fans...Honestly, I dont really want to know. I am just saying it wouldnt surprise me in the very least 

CLove's picture

there was a time a few years ago, when she was living with Toxic Troll BM, that Princess powersulk told me that her unemployed sister always had cash, was buying new clothes and door dash meals, and that her mother had mentioned prostitution as her income source. Feral Forger is pretty, but a bit hefty now, with bog b@@bs and wears short tight skirts and takes videos of her hootchie cootchie and bootie (putting the camera up her skirt) to post on instagram and tik tok, so its not something I rule out entirely.

Husband hasnt seen any of this, but myself and PPS have. You cannot unsee this stuff!

It sounds like your Sd29 and Feral Forger have a lot in common. The blameshifting, victimhood, justifications are just word salad at this point. Glad you have kept your words short and to the point, because anything can and will be used against you in the court of failed first family attempt.


Little Type Amy's picture

If I have to wager a guess, I would say that my SD and FF would make great friends. Maybe in the same Prostitution  network although I'd have no doubt if my "Pride and Joy" werent one of the ring leaders. She never keeps any friends for long, if she has any its because they have the same attitude and mindset .Maybe "doing business" together. I dont even know if SD has Only Fans or Instagram but Im certain that she is posting the same content. Maybe I dont want to know even though I had a good idea now. The state Police set up a fake meeting on social media which led to busting SD and her cronies so that kind of content had to have been out there somewhere.  The silver lining is that there are plenty of people in our area with the same last name as mine, so as far as I know it didnt get directly connected back to me. Thats the last thing anyone halfway normal should want....its so mortifying just the same since I cannot have anyone thinking I had one thing to do with Her or her upbringing. Im only hoping you get spared the same if ( hopefully not for Your sake !) FF gets into the same industry. 

CLove's picture

Although she swings with a different crowd its a small small town and eventually things always come around.

She tells everyone she comes into contact with how bad we are and how her father "abandoned her" for his "whore of a wife", and how he abused her. All lies. And false narratives.

So, her job hunting recently caused a drama and who knows if she will get a sugar daddy when all else fails her. Her social media has albums called "asian baby doll" thats her hook...

Little Type Amy's picture

Oh good just can;t make this crap up. So sorry. I know we love our DH;s and try to be supportive the best way we know how. But I dont care what anyone says, NO one signs up for this as no one can prepare anyone for all that has transpired in stephell world. Thats for sure 

Little Type Amy's picture

Hi, Clove.. I meant to ask you how on earth is it that YOU havent earned an arrest or a night in jail after she called you something like that. I am at the point where I wouldnt care if my SD was going around calling me a whore..even though she knows it would be a classic case of the Pot Calling the Kettle Black so to speak.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

My SD is a sex worker and does porn.  She was advertising under her real name on Instagram.  WHo does that?  I thought they used made up names.  Anyway, this young guy in his 20;s that works in the water department found it and showed it to anyone and everyone he could in my company that was a hot blooded male on his phone saying, "that's No WIre's daughter."  It was so embarrassing and I was quick to tell everyone that she is not my daughter and I didn't raise her and if I had, I doubt this would be happening.  Nevertheless, I know how you feel.  I've worked so hard in my career and my profession.   At least my SD wasn't convicted of a crime and it was just my job and not the whole town so I imagine you have it way worse.

Little Type Amy's picture

WOW! ..I am so sorry that happened to you and its totally unfair.  that should not  have gotten back to you like that  Let's hope for your sake that your SKID Mark's antics doesnt made the news. I should be so lucky this just make the local circuit  and didnt grab National Headlines, so had that going in my favor. its also far from the only story about a prostitution bust..there has been others before and since. It takes a special kind of person makes  unwise foolish decision after another ( the sex worker thing is just ONE of them) , reassigning blame where it doesnt belong, she actually thinks I still owe it to her to be supportive and sympathetic and I am the problem for not wanting to be. If so, then Im OK with that!  Even though I washed my hands of her shit as much as possible a long time ago. That's the thing thats so is so peaceful with DH without the SD's drama..but its still unfair that even in their adult years, something still pops up every so often...