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Countdown (Cont. Pt 4)

Lillywy00's picture

still haven't told him...

Yesterday the dude decides to randomly invite his sister in law over (despite me telling him I did not like his family popping up without advanced notice). I was triggered and annoyed but I didn't say much because I know I'm not dealing with that sh*t anymore in my own space. 

What burns me up is I eavesdropped on his phone convo with her before she arrived and she was like "where are your kids?" I wanted to snatch the phone and be like "look b*tch you know good and damn well those kids are with their mother during the week (as most divorced parents do)...which is exactly where they belong and if you're bothered by it then open your home up every weekend and let the conniving breeder drop them with YOU!!!"

Dude offered to pay for my dinner last night (I paid him back) but I get creeped out by how he only offers for me (as if I don't have kid and as if he didn't put any groceries in the fridge).

The part that irks me is all through this relationship he forced his kids on me and tried to make me into their mother (they have a capable mother already) but with less rights and no child support all while he was a shitty step father. 

He constantly make comments about how he'd do anything for "his blood" or "his kids" and didn't want his kids to grow up fatherless. 

My child has a deadbeat dad. So he really didn't care about kids growing up fatherless he just cared about his biological kids growing up fatherless. 

And he refused to step up. And when I called out his unsavory behavior he rationalized it by saying "i never see your daughter".

So because she is an honor student who uses her time to study, an elite athlete who uses her time to craft her skill, a young philanthropist who gives back to her community, a responsible person who works a job...all which demand her time - so since she isn't a clingy bump on a log then he's like "out of sight out of mind"

I assume taking care of another man's child intimidated him. Or maybe because she's 18 he assumed she's an "adult" who can fend/provide for herself despite the fact she's still in high school. 

Or maybe he's just a selfish asshole 

All while he expected me to use my resources as a single mother with no child support to use my limited resources take care of his kids better than their own mother 

The blantant hipocracy.

And his expectation is even worse considering he selfishly wanted 3 parents for his bumps on logs while my daughter has to fend for herself.  Technically she is way more independent and successful than his kids will ever be at that age but she's still a young female with only one parent. 

If he had stepped up more as a step father (and as a partner) I probably wouldn't have disengaged so hard from his kids

Anyways just random ramblings of me reminding myself that he is not capable of providing what I need. 


thinkthrice's picture

Again, DON'T!  Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, pretty please DO NOT tell him BEFORE.  It will be like giving your war naps/plans to the enemy and you WILL regret it.

Harry's picture

even prostitution get paid.  He treating you like a like one, sex on demand.  That not a loving DH. You should check and be sure everything is ready to go in move out day

Elea's picture

You are too smart for that dumpster fire. Your daughter will be ok. She sounds amazing. A child only needs 1 functional parent. You will be more functional once you leave his sorry ass. 
I agree with keeping your exit under wraps. Make an exit and safety plan. 
I am glad his kids are primarily with their Mom. 

Rags's picture

He is not even polished. Just a POS.


I am so glad you are on your way out.

I know you are very proud of your daughter. Righfully so.  She is going to kick ass in life.

His spawn are likely going to be screen addicted unwashed basement dwellers.


SMto3's picture

As an outsider looking in, I say it's worth getting your privacy and peace back, especially when you don't have an 'ours' baby. Your daugther is college bound, I WISH either of my stepson's turned out to be half as driven as her! I would have been sooo proud of them,and I imagine our relationship would have been easier. 

Instead, they were allowed to do whatever they wanted by their parents, who often used the empty apartment I met DH as a babysitter. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Don't tell him. TBH, I think he pays for your meal to get sex. You're almost out of there!

Lillywy00's picture

Yep. Thought he was slick that's why I'm paying him back when he pays for me so I don't have to owe him anything. Idk what types of women he dealt with where they owing seggs after a cheap <$10 meal


Rags's picture

However, he is the man in the relationship and as the man he pays for meals, household bills, etc.....  You owe him nothing for paying for dinner. No-thing!

Since there is no marriage, your income is not joint income.  I get that it is reasonable for you to pay your share of household bills. But a meal out, if he pays, he pays. You owe him shit for nothing.  If he whines and bitches, he can F-off.


Do not pay him back. IMHO that sets a precedent that you owe him something. Which you most decidedly do not.

Just move on. 

Delusional people ascribe huge significance to the insignificant. My FIL was one of these. He lost a farm to foreclosure because the people he bought it from stuck him with a seed bill at the co-op for  $300. Pointing out that you do not lose a farm due to a $300 seed bill was a conversation lost on my ILs.