Boyfriend and ex wife- blurred line boundaries
I am at a loss as to what willl happen here once I truly reveal my feelings on this. Here we go. We have been together for almost 4 years, I have two BS 7 and 9. He has one BS 11
We dont live together but live 5 mins apart, his ex wife lives 5 mins away as well.
I knew they were going to be close coparents, and in the beginning I was fine with it, but its now become too much. I thought after sometime had passed, she would do the "friendly fade" and move on.
Its both of them who are to blame for lack of boundries.
They both have keys to each others homes. When their son forgets his stuff, (which happens all the time) they will drive over and drop it off.
When she has "something" to do, she will ask him to pick up their son and he has never said no. He's an amazing father, but she knows this. She has rarley retruned the favour.
For example, this past saturday, we were kid free, and then I was told he had his son from 11am-6pm becuase she is involved in a charity. Why she didnt take their son, I dont know. This is all fine and dandy until she returned and he immediatley asked her if she wanted to stay with us and have a glass of wine? (I was excited for them to leave) Of Course she says yes.. then their son wants a "family" meeting and asks me, do you want to go upstairs or something or borrow my head phones? The two of them say.. no no no, she can stay... and I escape to the living room where I can still hear them talking at the kitchen table about their son trying to convinvece them he needs a ipad.. when he has a phone, computer,xbox and playstation already. He won the battle but will be paying for it with his own money. it has nothing to do with me. I felt like an outsider.
This is when it really hits me. That is his family. I am just his girlfriend, who had plans with him today, and was told that was no longer happening.
My BS 9 has been vocal about not liking my BF but cant explain why. Its delayed us in hanging out all 5 of us, as my BS's attitude often ruins our time together. My BS 7 LOVES my BF so Im not even sure where this is coming from. But, it makes our kid weekends seperate, most of the time. I feel stuck in this relationship and that we aren't moving forward.
His Ex also attends ALL of my BF's family functions. Christmas, his family xmas party, New years day brunch with his family...etc.
I am always included but Im getting a little tired of her always being there.
When we were camping this summer my BF's Dad was texting photos to his ex about how much fun we were having.. gut punch... It was my first time camping with the fam, and she was still there.. as a ghost.
I have mentioned my feelings before, but unfortuantly, I hold my feelings in, as we have little time together alone, and I cant bring this up when his son is there.
He has told me that they are co parenting for their son, but I dont think he realizes how co-dependant they are on each other. Theres no room for me here.
Shes going away with their son next week and guess whose keeping HER dog? He IS!
I asked him once, if I called and she called and we needed him, where would he go? He said "I would prioritze the need" Double gut punch!
Do I stick this out and hope that they slowly move away from each other? They were together for 18 years, on and off....
I think I want to one day live under one roof, maybe when the boys are older... but there would be NO way she would have a key to my home.
I cant even speak to him about this until Friday.. as its the next time we have alone time. I'm terrified.
Thanks for reading and your advise.