OT - Fine, I Won't Help Anymore
This is going to be a rambling:
My sister is 26 years old. She got the raw end of the parenting deal in regards to our childhoods. Her life has been harder than mine. I totally understand that.
She has come to me time and again - like, more than monthly - asking for advice on how to adult. She has mental health issues, namely depression and anxiety. She is medicated, but doesn't (and didn't when she had health insurance and an EAP) go to counseling because she demands that a counselor be female and LGBTQ+. The older she gets, the more she acts like our mother who is bipolar.
Anyway, my sister has issues. About a year ago, her girlfriend moved to Anti-Canada so they could live together. GF also has mental health issues, though she is totally untreated partially because she has anxiety around going to the doctor.
My sister has complained to me more than once that she's stressed because she's working full-time and going to school full-time, and GF is only working heavy part-time. This has put them in a financial bind that has only been made worse by COVID.
So, being young and inexperienced, she calls me multiple times asking for advice, and each time I tell her the same thing: GF needs to work more hours, Sister needs to work two jobs in the summer while she's not in school (she is one year away from graduating), they need to get a roommate (side note: they purposefully rented a larger, more expensive apartment to get a roommate, which they had lined up last year and said no to because they wanted to live together as a couple instead), and they need to do some research on budgeting/take a financial management class.
How many of these things have they done? Precisely none. In fact, my sister has continuously told me that her GF is too social anxious to work more or find a different/better paying job. She feels like she's babysitting. There are other issues with the relationship as well, but nothing abusive. Just typical "this doesn't seem like it'll work" stuff.
Anyway, as of late, I've gotten more vocal with my sister about what she needs to do when she calls and asks for advice, including telling her that if GF isn't pulling her weight, then she needs to consider what her future will look like. This is in addition to all the other stuff mentioned above.
Has my sister acted on any of it? Nope. Not a single effing word. Recently, I let her borrow an extra car I had for her to get back and forth to work while her car (reality: a car my dad owns that he allows my sister to use) was in the shop. She kept telling me, for MONTHS, that the car was still being worked on, it needed parts that couldn't be delivered, etc. Fine, cool, I'm WFH anyway so I don't need the extra vehicle, and my dad uses friends to fix his cars and it's not unusual that it takes forever for a vehicle to get fixed so that he can pay substantially less in labor.
Lo and behold, the car had been fixed for weeks and had been sitting in my dad's driveway. My dad said he had tried getting in touch with my sister, but she wasn't calling him back. I finally told her I needed my car back after that convo, and magically she and my dad connected within days.
Annoying, but I let that part go. She called me again late last week complaining for the umpteenth time that she's financially in a hole and, by the way, our dad was signing the car over to her because he was tired of constantly fixing it. And she's MAD about it, because she could have bought a car last year but Dad insisted on fixing the car and now she doesn't have money to fix it because it broke down again and it nor GF's car have A/C, etc.
So I just point blank told her that I get frustrated with this crap. She has a free car that she doesn't have to pay insurance on. She has a job that she can pick up extra hours at. Her GF has the ability to find another job, and if she won't, this cycle continues. I was loving, but I stopped coddling.
Here's where things hit a head today. I saw a local part-time gig that is the same work GF does that is nearby. It's not glamorous work, but I know it's opposite hours of her other job. So I forward it to my sister to let her know about it to pass it along to her GF. This isn't the first time I've done this.
My sister texted me later and asked me to stop texting jobs. Okay, easy enough to do. You don't want that help, despite asking for it before, that's fine. Then, I get a phone call. My sister is sniffling on the other line and tells me that GF thinks I hate her and my sister talked to her about needing a second job and about how I think they need to break up, etc. Then she gets pissy-crying saying she'll just figure it allllllll out herself and no one needs to help her, blah blah blah.
So I hung up on her.
I'm over it. Yes, she got the crappy end of the parenting stick. Yes, my life has been easier than hers. But FFS, she's 26 years old with Dad paying for her vehicle and cell phone, and our mom supplementing cash when they can't make rent, and neither of them have done a GD thing to help themselves! Hell, my sister called my mom and I on vacation because they didn't have money to make rent and pay their bills and she was losing her mind!
I've learned my lesson. My sister doesn't want my help, so I guess I won't help. No more loaning cars. No more giving advice when she asks. No more listening to her vent. Just no more. I'm tired of feeling used and trying to be helpful in ways she asks for help only to get kicked in the teeth for it. She can go be an adult and figure it out on her own. I'm over the drama.
There is a lot more than just this that I think a few people know. I just don't have the bandwidth to go further right now.