This is certainly not unusual in a blended family situation.

My wife and I married when SS was 1yo. I was the first person he ever called Dad(dy) and I will always be his Dad.

The SpermClan has always had an issue with this. My stance has always been "Tough Shit". I never told the kid to call me Dad(dy). He chose to call me Dad.

There was a brief time whe he was ~10yo that he came home from summer visitation with the SpermClan and told me he could no longer call me Dad. I told him fine. Dad has always been good enough untill now so if he no longer wanted to call me Dad he could call me Mr. Rags. I told him no child is allowed to call me by my first name and if Dad was no longer good enough then Mr. Rags was his only option.

At that point he said. I guess you are my Dad and always will be.

I don't require that my SS call his BioDad "Worthless Piece of Shit" which would certainly be indicative of his value as a human so BioDad does not get to dictate what my SS calls me in our home.

THough I can understand your X's issue with this, he is not even allowed an opinion of what occurs in your household.

IMHO of course.

I think I can understand why your ex would be upset, and honestly, if he's upset about it, then I'd ask the kids not to do it. Simply out of respect.

How old are your kids? I don't think they should be calling your new husband daddy at all so I don't blame your ex for being upset! He should not be threatening though. I would ask your kids not to do it.

I agree that calling a current spouse mommy/daddy is disrespectful to the bio-parent, if bio-parent is still visiting with the child. It is a slap in face. I would not allow my DH to teach my SD10 to be disrespectful to her BM by calling me mommy and I would hope that if something should happen between DH and I, he remembers that lesson when it comes to our BD...should he remarry. We all want our children to be respectful of other people's feelings...it should start with the ones that they care about most...mom and dad!

I had a Stepfather from the age of 5. I never called him Dad until the last few years, and I am now 41. It is now a sign of respect for all he has done for me. My teenagers call him Poppa.
However, my Biodad has no idea I call my stepdad "Dad", and if he did find out, it would break his heart, so I would never want him to know.
I think we just have to use good judgement, and put ourselves in the other persons shoes.
If your kids had no contact at all with biodad, that would be different, but they do. I like the idea of a made up name, it gives intimacy instead of first name basis, however doesn't step on biodads toes.

Is anyone missing the point that he is threatening to BEAT THE CHILDREN and THEM???? I don't care if they are calling the man "Baby Jesus", threats to people's personal safety are NOT OK!!!

Record your conversations and turn him into the police if the threats continue. You sound like you are worried for your safety so you need to be very diligent in protecting yourself and your children.

I understand why he's upset, but he's threatening to beat the kids? Not cool.

You need to protect your kids. Document what your ex says and ask your attorney if you can bring a small recorder with you to pickups and dropoffs and to record phone calls. Save every email, text message, and phone message from him.

Your ex is wrong to threaten you about this stuff, BUT, I totally dis agree with skids calling sparents by mom or dad.

To me it is wrong, wrong, wrong. And you are just as wrong to let the kids continue to do it. Especially when you see how it is making your ex take it out on the kids.

I am a step parent and a bio parent. I certainly would not want my skid to call me mom. He has a mother. And I would not want my kids to call DH dad. Even tho their dad is absent most of the time, they still have a dad.

I have never understood the need for parents to push kids into calling step parents mom or dad. Strange to me.

I have mixed feelings on this issue. It's difficult sometimes for the kids not to call their step parents "mom" or "dad" especially if there are younger siblings from the new marriage and especially if the other parent doesn't take an active role in the day-to-day lives of the bio children.

My 1st husband had a huge issue with this but our son was only 2 when he met my 2nd husband, we married when he was 5 and added a baby of our own when oldest son was 6. We never referred to my new husband as dad or daddy until the baby was born but my oldest started calling him "daddy-name" after the wedding (on his own accord) and it eventually got shortened to daddy. The ex told my son once he didn't want him calling SD daddy and son came home in tears. The ex eventually got over it and son started calling SD daddy and his Bio Dad or Father. Several years later 2nd husband and I unfortunately divorced. My son is now 14 and still considers his former step dad his "daddy" and refers to his Bio Dad as "Father". I'm remarried to my 3rd husband and the kids call him by his 1st name or step-dad.

As a SM to two kids SD12, SS11 I didn't become their SM until they were 11 and 9 and honestly never expected either of them to call me mom. However, my SS calls me mom all the time. He even did it in front of his biomom once and I froze waiting for fireworks to explode but she never said a word about it. My SD calls me by my name. I'm fine with that too. Whatever the kids are comfortable with.

I have to say though that as a very involved mom, I would be upset if my kids called either of their SM's mom. I'd be fine with a nickname of some kind or mom-name maybe but not just mom or mommy!

I don't think your children should be calling your husband dad. their dad is in the picture. whether or not your husband is a good roll model for your children he is still the step.
no, your x should not be threating to beat the kids. that is way out of line.
your children can grow up and respect your husband as a father figure. and your husband can respect them as his own. but calling the stepdad a dad is disrespectful.... just my opinion

We used to tell SD (then 3, now 6) that I was mommy#2, however she never really called me "mommy number two", just by my first name. I'm ok with it and would probably feel uncomfortable if she called me "mom" or "mommy"

But the thing is when my ex husband put me and the kids out the house before we got divorced the kids saw this man help take care of them. When they wanted and needed something he was there.
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I am curious. This sounds like you were with this man before you moved out of your ex’s house? Maybe your ex has a bit of resentment left over after that and that is contributing to his anger over this…?

If you love your kids and you see that this is making their time with their real dad miserable, then you need to make them stop calling your new DH dad. JMHO.

edit to add...make up a new name sounds really cool.

I disagree with the majority of the posters. I think the kids should be able to call your husband "daddy" if:

1)it's their choice and you and your husband are not pushing them to do it
2)they really see him as a father figure.

The way I see it is if the kids are comfortable enough with your husband to call him dad and not just think of him as another adult that takes care of them (like a babysitter for example), they should be allowed to call him whatever they want within reason.

Just because your kids call another man "dad" doesn't detract from their bio-dad's relationship if he's a good parent.

My SD tells us that my husband is her "dad-dad" and her step-father is just her dad. Every once in a while she slips up and calls her "dad-dad" by his first name, same with her step-father. She realizes and corrects herself saying "i mean [insert name here]"

I think if you put too much emphasis on the whole name thing they will get confused and potentially hurt. They will get bad associations with the name/person dad.

I agree with Rags in saying "tough shit" to the bio-dad.

PS...seriously, threatening the kids because they call someone else dad is a bit deranged. I can see why you divorced him!

I've had the same thing happen with my step daughters, they started calling me mum, (but not mummy, they know the difference). They are very young, and naturally fell into it without any influence. The BM found out and naturally hit the roof. Despite her best efforts the children still call me mum (apart from if ive had to tell them off, then they fall back to my name lol). But they come back and say i must not call you mum, however 5mins later they revert back. They have now learned that when they go back to Mummys house they refer to me by my given name.

I fully support that it must be the childrens choice what they call you, but i also believe that calling a step parent by their name is also disrespectful. Children know the difference, its the meaning to the adult that is so upsetting. Remember that to the Dad it will feel like his role to them is being usurped. Whether thats the case or not, try to be understanding and explain to the kids that thats how it makes their Dad feel. If the kids explain to their father that noone would take his place, then it may alleviate some of the tension, but not all. Good luck, its a tricky situation. I know!

I find it extremely disrespectful for the kids to call your new husband Daddy, when he is in the picture.

You may have divorced and re-married, but you children have not.

These are his children too! He only can be daddy to certain people in life - it is not a privilege your husband deserves.

As far as the calling the new wife Mom or Mommy - I am going to guess that he has not re-married yet. Because I don't know any woman hearing her children call another woman mom it would not bother.

I didn't see a problem with it and still don't.
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You don’t see a problem with your ex threatening to beat your kids??!! I do. I realize it may be a control thing and I hate to be controlled, but if it made it easier on my kids, I would just make them stop calling the new DH dad.

There are hills to die on and I don’t think this would be one of them. I would not sacrifice my kids just to prove a point to the ex that he can’t control me. Nope.

After reading the various posts, I sort of have a change of heart. In a way, it's not unlike calling our Mother-in-law "Mom" or Father-in-law "Dad".
I think kids are smart enough to know the difference. If they love both "parents" then they should get to decide what they call them.
I would consider not advertising it though, to spare biodads feelings......
However....if he threatens to beat them, then he apparently doesn't deserve any consideration.

It is your home so when the kids are in it they can do/say whatever.

But in your ex's presence, their Dads presence, the kids should call him by name. To me it is a respect issue.

My SD11 calls her SDad Dad. She doesn't at our house nor in my DHs presence when at events. SD asked if she could call me mom, I refused. To me, she has a mom, I have my own kids. Her calling me by my first name is more comfortable for me....and less confusing to my/DHs children.

I would hope that you would tell your children not to call him Dad in their Biodads presence. They need to learn to be respectful and considerate of others peoples feelings, this is the perfect oppurtunity for that lesson.

If their Dad is in the picture, they should not be calling their stepfather dad. He is not their Dad. Come up with another name. That is not fair. My husband even has it in his divorce decree that the kids can't call someone else mom or dad. Takes it off the table. You are wrong here. Sorry, but on this one I am with their dad.

When I was faced with this sitch...I just instructed DS not to refer to Step-Dad as Dad when he is in his "Dad Dads" presence. And he doesn't and he hasn't gotten scolded over this non-issue since it was first addressed.

Now when it comes down to special events ie games, graduations, best thing to do is sit way across the other room from each other. That way the child doesn't feel uncomfortable having both Dad's there.

It's really immaturish if U ask me. Insercurity ALL THE WAY!!!

What's worse than an insecure BM??

An insecure BD...UGH! :sick:

I think it's fine. It's their choice what they want to call him! They aren't babies.

My step brother has always called my mom and his mom "mom". Which is funny!

He will be on the phone with his BM and she will say something to which my brother replys "Hold on, Let me ask my mom"

Or "MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM, My mom wants to talk to you"

And honeslty, it's your house. You can tell your ex to go eat shit. Tell him, too bad! You made your decision, to not be in your child's lives, and have another man taking care of them, these are the natural consequences.

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