BM trying to get with MY SO ? Just me?
When SO started dating we did not want anything serious at all. He was a guy with four kids and I had just gotten out of a marriage. We agreed together that I would not meet his children for a long time. Eventually we both fell hard for each other. We don't always decide who we love. Let me just say if my feelings for him were not strong, real and true I would have been gone a long time ago.
BM knew he was seeing someone as he told her as an FYI. Then after 8 months or so I met his children and family. When we decided this was a for sure thing. She showed up one day to pick up SD then 2 at his parents after a family dinner and I was going to be there. Now previously I would go in the back room as to not be seen. Finally he said , no stay here. I was like ok. Thinking he told her I was there and was gonna "meet" her.
Background on me. I grew up in a blended family. My mom was married and divorced twice. My step dad raised me and I have two dads. My dad and my daddy. My mom divorced my step dad and remarried. I am still his daughter to him. His new wife accepts me and my brother even though we are not legally his. They have two girls that are my sisters. Not legally but still family. My mom is referred to as Aunt. My mom and step dad lost a lil girl and my youngest sister looks just like the lil girl they lost and its hard and rewarding for my mom. My dad understands and so does his wife. She is not trying to move in. But the more people who love them the better. As they live where her mom lives she visits them and they love her and everyone gets along great. My bio dad was with a women for 12 years but never married. Always considered her a stepmom and her kids my step siblings. They split but are still in my life. My bio dad had a harder time with being civil but with my step dad and half brother everyone got along great and what was best for us was best. Growing up when I visited my dad my half brother went sometimes because he was my brother and that family accepted him and was still close to my mom. My mom went to graduation of my bio dads sisters kids but my dad didnt. He is not involved with his family.
Basically I thought people, all people who had children and were not together got along and their SO's job was to be polite and get along too. My job as a future stepparent was to be in the side of the child. Not always my SO because he is not always right and sometimes BM. But to look out for skids. Be a neutral party. I am very easy to get along with. Make friends easy. One of those people. Always helping others. Hell I am a nurse.
So when BM showed up and I was putting SD2's shoes on her cuz SO was packing her bag. She just walked in without knocking like she owned the place. She saw me and apparently SO did not mention I was there. She yanked SD off the couch and out the door. SO always out SD in her car seat when she left before so he went out the door to say good bye and kids her (sd not BM) and BM freaked out on him cuz I was putting shoes on her. Some stranger.
She ended up telling him that she still loved him wanted to be with him, it was so hard to see him with another women. After almost three years now BM has gone from trying to be best friends with me and SO, to getting in with my mom, to getting a false ( didnt hold up ) restraining order on SO with me and my mom attached to it to back to my bestie shopping buddy with lunch dates to living SO and back again.
Lately she has been putting me down and bashing me because she feels inadequate as a mother and feels I do a better job and is threatened that her daughter loves and talks great about me to her all the time. She told SO that she is hurt that he put " other" people's relationships before theirs and she can't take it anymore.
She calls him 2-3 times a day about stupid shit. Is this white gap shirt yours at 9 pm. We have a court order stating M T hers W Th his split EOW. She calls to ask. I get her Monday right. She will call to tell him things he already knows. Call to say my boyfriend cheated on me and got someone pregnant. She always calls.
I feel like she is trying to weasel her way back into his life.
I have asked him to stand up to her and her lies and he says its not worth the fight. Well it's either a fight with her or with me because she keeps telling people I am trying to play house with her kid and all this other BS. I am sick of it. Tried to get me fired.
I feel he needs to tell her that they will never have anything together ever. Since all the hurt she has caused to me, my mom his mom and his children. By calling cops and making false claims there will never be anything. Set clear boundaries and set to them. I found out one day when I was working and BM came to get SD and was in my house with him for 2 hours talking. Hell no. My house. Never again. She used to be invited in when she picked up SD. Hell I even had her over for dinner as our first house guest once before she went crazy. My mom said not to trust her.
What can I do? Can't force him to tell her off. I tried to say. " it would mean a lot to me if you told her what you tell me. Stand up for me". He said I know it would.
I just want a man who shows he loves ME and won't let BM walk on the women he loves.