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kmitchell's picture

Submitted by kmitchell on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 4:32pm

So I am a divorced mom of three and my husband is divorced twice with three kids, two baby momma's. Mine all have the same father. Anyway, I had a nasty divorce and four years later things haven't gotten better. I took pictures that were of myself and ex husband and the kids and put them away in safe keeping in case the kids ever wanted to see them. My now husband's 2nd ex wife who he was married to for 10 years and has two children recently moved 6 hours away from where they lived together to now where him and I live, she has maintained all along that the move was strictly for the kids to be closer to dad. She knows no one here but me. So this last weekend she was out of town and I had to run back to her house to get the daughter some extra clothes. She had given me her key in case we needed something, upon entering the house and the daughters bedroom are family pictures they had made right before they were divorced. Is it strange that she still has these pictures displayed? I cant say anything becaus then obviously I was looking and well, I now I feel that her motives for moving here were so she could try and win back my husband. Am I paranoid? Was I wrong to glance at her pictures on the wall and shelf?

Comments

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 5:05pm

Pictures in the kid's bedroom of her parents, no problem. A multi pictures frame (like with 10-20 different pic of various sizes) with one or two shots of opposite parent with just the kid hanging in hallway, no problem. Picture in living room of your DH and his ex hanging above the sofa or displayed on side table? Problem.

There is not a good reason in the world to object to a child having a picture of their parents in their bedroom. Nothing wrong with kid having a photo album in their nightstand of old family pictures. These are kid's parents and they are kid's memories. Kid didn't divorce their parents and there is nothing incorrect about kid having these keepsakes.

Different story of pictures of the divorced couple hanging around the rest of the house. I would not automatically assume BM came to the area to 'snag your guy' back, but I'd think it were creepy to walk in and see a shrine to what went up in flames.

Yeah, give the key back. You don't need to be in BM's home nor she in yours. Boundaries need to be set. No matter how harmless swinging by and picking up what you need seems to be, it really is just unnecessary and inappropriate. While it's nice BM and you feel trusting of each other to a point, there needs to be areas that just don't mix. Going into the opposite parent's home especially when no one is home should be one of those 'don't do it' things.

nothinforya's picture

Submitted by nothinforya on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 12:27pm

I totally agree with this. It's not your business how she chooses to decorate her home. This is much better than having to deal with a crazy woman who hates her ex with a burning passion and tries every chance she can to make his life a misery (and yours too, by extension). Try not to let it bother you. It's history, water under the bridge, in the past. If she holds on to that piece of her life history for her own reasons, it doesn't hurt you at all.

Justme54's picture

Submitted by Justme54 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 7:50pm

Give the key back...too close for comfort. Do you really want to give her a key to your home. NOT ME!

Flipchip2013's picture

Submitted by Flipchip2013 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 8:45pm

Give the key back and pick up some clothes at Target or Walmart next time you need more.

I've been in BM's house several times. It felt very weird, and I'm sure she'd be pissed if she knew. }:) I couldn't wait to get out.

And, yes, there were GIGANTIC wall photos from their wedding up. Weird.

StepX2's picture

Submitted by StepX2 on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 11:05am

In my first SM experience, I was in BMs home (the house was the marital home but was still legally my now since deceased DHs and BM was still living in it tmeporarily)several times while she wasn't there.
So much you can tell about a person when you see their living environment. Filthy house, dirty clothes everywhere and dozens of pill bottles in the room.
I hated being in that house, especially in the master bedroom. :sick:
BM never set foot in my home though, although she used to drive back and forth and park down the street often when DH and I first were married. She lived over an hour away for goodness sake!

kmitchell's picture

Submitted by kmitchell on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 1:53pm

Thank you ladies for all the feedback, key was given back. We are the ones that buy the clothes and still pay a lot in child support. I pick kids up everyday after school and she come to my house to get them when she gets off of work. It's just a weird situation, the youngest SS had made a comment, over the summer when she told them they were moving closer to here, that his mom and dad were getting back together. My husband doesn't trust her and doesn't care to be around her at all except when exchanging kids. However, because he is gone a lot I am the one that deals with her more than anyone. My gut tells me to watch out for her motives. I don't think its right to put false hope into young children's minds that mom and dad are getting back together by displaying family portraits through out the house. I have made a collage of photos of the kids with just their dad that they do have up in their rooms at her house. This just seemed odd for me. I am also a BM and would never put pictures of myself and my kids and their father up in their rooms, to me its part of the past that once was and out of respect for everyone involved now, those are to be put away. However, if they want pics of their dad and them up, by all means go for it. Being a step parent is HARD!