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Enter: Wicked step mother

Kathope's picture

( Insert evil laugh here ) 

I have decided to withdraw any and all services to my SD's. We had a little discussion yesterday about the events that took place on Saturday. SD (17) AKA  The miniwife is sitting during breakfast with her laptop is very busy. SD (17) AKA Clueless is sitting next to her. My DH is on the right eating breakfast on his phone, I also am sitting down to eat. Clueless " What are you doing? Are we going to the movies?"  Miniwife " IDK, Aunt was letting her dog out this morning and she told me she wanted to do something with us today. I was up before everyone." Clueless " Oh, so were going to the movies?" Mini " IDK what were doing but you know auntie, we usually go to the movies. Anyway I wanted to see what was playing." Clueless " I wonder what theater were going to." 

They start talking about what theaters they like and what movies are showing. I sit there not engaging but listening. DH is in his own world. My sister is still sleeping, she came in late and I know shes tired. Shes been working every day. I also know she doesnt have a lot of money bc we talk about everything in the morning before she leaves for the day. The SD's tell DH they are going to the movies and he gives one $6 and one $1 bc he hasnt taken out any cash this week. He tells them thats all I have. 

DH and I had made plans to leave for the weekend to a friends house so the SD's were to stay home. I was busy packing and getting things ready to go. I was also waiting for my sister to wake up so I could talk to her. She never said anything about taking the girls out. I was assuming all kinds of things, like, she was planning with the SD's and keeping things from me, " How dare she!" to " Well she has been super busy this week and we havent talked much, so maybe she forgot." to " WTF is goign on?!" 

She got up and let her doggie out and I ask her " What are you doing today?" She says " Im going to work a little bit (doordash) then going in to work." I ask ' Are you going to the movies with the girls?" She says " No, why do they want to go to the movies?" " I guess, they said you wanted to go." " Oh well, I guess, yeah. I want to go to the movies!" " Did you tell Mini you wanted to go this morning? She said she saw you early this morning when you let your doggie out. You said you wanted to do something with them." "I did? I didnt say anything to her this morning." " That's what she told Clueless. They were looking at movies during breakfast and said you were taking them." " I have no idea. I never said anything about going to the movies but I was thinking about going to the movies when I woke up just now." " Dont you have to work." " No, I think I want to go watch a movie."

My sister, I love her but if any of her nephews or neices want to do something, she does it. She drops eveything and changes her plans. That's how she is. Its good and bad. I left to finish getting ready and Im there thinking about it, putting the puzzle together. DH came into the room and he knows Im upset. I tell him what my sister said and I tell him, I dont think they should go anywhere. They lied and made plans without telling anyone and knowing my sister shes going to what they want anyway. He talked to them and they told him Auntie had text them earlier in the week saying she missed them and she wanted to do something with them soon. I told him that was not true, Mini told Clueless that she talked to my sister early this morning. DH said well thats what they told me, I didnt hear anything at breakfast but they were going. Of course. He told them to drop it and to let my sister go to work. We pack up, get our things and say our good byes. They follow us out, my sister included. As were heading to the car both SD's are talking about it with my sister. I tell DH they are still talking about it. He calls them to the car and reminds them to stop, where hes met with objections from Clueless and she starts defending herself about going to movies. He cuts her off and says hes done, they need to quit. We leave and I am fuming. I start with what did you tell them. He tells me. I say well the reason Im so upset is bc, that is my sister. They dont talk to me about anything and they tell her everything. On top of that I thought she was keeping things from me, she wasnt but I am tired of not knowing whats going on in our home. They planned this whole thing namely Mini, then Clueless followed. and not even my sister knew. My sister doesnt have money for herself much less the SD's. She has been working so much bc she has things to pay. Had the SD's thought about that? They are going to the movies and who is paying for their ticket? They are not just going to sit there with nothing, who is going to pay for their drinks, whos going to pay for their food? They know my sister will do anything for them. They are taking advantage of her and she is MY SISTER. I dont not appreciate that. She is sick, she is trying get caught up on her bills and now shes paying for 3 people to go out. That is not ok. DH says 'I knew it was more than not asking us. You are right, they should think about all that. Thats why I wanted you to come with me to talk to them. I didnt know why it was so important to you." I told him, I did not want to be there bc they say its me making you do things. Its me behind the scene and I thought if you talked to them they would listen. Then they didnt drop it and I know they are going to keep at it till they get what they want. 

They did and my sister took them to the movies. When we got home yesterday I told DH to call them down so we could talk about it. We told them all the points we had talked about. Clueless asked if she could say something, we said it was fine. She said, " Auntie text us during the week. She said she missed us and wanted to do something with us so we thought maybe she wanted to go to the movies." I told her that was not the case. They were both at the table and she asked Miniwife what she was doin at which point Mini said she talked to my sister that morning. Mini is in the back ground shaking her head "no". DH is just sitting there saying nothing. I tell them they were plannig things and didnt tell anyone. Clueless say " We werent planning anything we were just looking at movies and talking about them." I said no, if your looking, you're planning. SD's get upset, DH tells them they are not in trouble we want to clarify what happened. I tell them next time let us know so confusion doesnt happen. Just say when it happens, ' Hey, auntie misses us and wants to do something this week. Do you think we can do somthing this weekend?" Thats it. We can plan and make things happen. The end. They say ok and we go about our merry way.

Today I talk to my sister and she tells me Miniwife was pissed at me and her dad. She said I was the reason they got in trouble, her dad was only doing what I wanted and none of this would have happend if I wasnt here. My sister then shows me the text, she said she wasnt sure if she did text and maybe they got confused or misread the message. The text said " Hello! Just wanted to c how yall were doing! Miss yall. Have a good day!" That was wednesday. She also told me when we were leaving she saw Miniwife tap her sister on the leg with her foot when they were talking to DH. She told Clueless what to say when we talked yesterday so they would have the same story. My sister said there was no way SD's could have gotten anything confused. I told her they are taking advantage of her and I am not having it. She said she didnt have the money go out but that she was thinking about going to the movies but didnt ask bc she didnt have a lot to spend. Shes on disability and she got her little check today, so she decided to go ahead and go. She wanted to be ahead with her cash flow for this month but she took the hit bc she did miss the girls. She told me the SD's have a very big problem with me. The Miniwife most of all. I told her if I wanted to I could tell them not to talk to her at all bc she is my sister. She is my family. I wont but IDK I just might. I am very protective of my family and I do not allow anyone to disrespect them. I dont care who you are. It is not allowed. These girls played us and they know it.

 

 

Comments

CLove's picture

Miniwife is a liar. You spent a lot of time and energy trying to untangle her lies.

Id say have more convos with your sister. If shes having a tough time saying no to the princesses, you need to have these conversations about saving her money. And the triangulation - thats not healthy either.

CajunMom's picture

She's the ONE person in this triangle that can stop the "using."

Yes, your SKs are manipulators and liars. But your sister is an adult, has a voice, knows her financial issues and has clarity from you about those girls so if she can't say NO, then that's on her. Until your sister STOPS, the kids won't stop. As long as she's carrying her weight in your home and paying her bills, what she does with her extra money and time is her business.

Just K's picture

Your emotions were on high alert because you felt hatred hidden in their covert abuse.  

Disordered people know how to make insidious plans to get the most bang for their wicked buck! Your SDs figured out a genius plan to hurt you while they benefit.

They know you are no pushover. They also have observed that you see through their masks – their manipulations and lies. In their mind, since you are the stepmother (aka Daddeeee’s wife), you are their enemy and the enemy to their egg donor.

Make no mistake about this, they hate your sister as much as they do you – but your sister is ‘their useful idiot’. They are using her to hurt you. They are purposely being rude, treating you as the third person, and being nice to your sister for the following reasons: 

  • To let you know that they hate you and want you to feel isolated. Its psychological abuse. To make you believe they ‘prefer’ your sister over you – as if to say that ‘something (mysteriously) is wrong with you’.  
  • To use your sister for all they can get from her.   
  • To cause division between you and your sister. They are trying (successfully, it seems) that your sister is picking them over you – your sister is ‘going along to get along’.  

Now, here’s the hard truth: Your sister is not innocent -she doesn’t have your back. 

Right now, in self-righteous indignation, you are probably screaming to yourself, “BUT SHE’S MY SISTER – SHE WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HARM ME!!!!!

If your sister knows right from wrong, knows how to have a functional relationship, and has half-way decent reasoning skills – AND SHE STILL goes along with the skids while knowing FULLY WELL that they disrespect and hate you – then your sister is NOT your friend and never was!  

Right now, you are probably screaming, “HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS – WE ARE STRANGERS – YOU DON’T KNOW MY SITUATION.”

Honey, I’m 60 years old and have been around the block several times. So, when I tell you that a blood sister can be your worst enemy -believe me, I have first-hand experience and many, many observational experiences of others’ situations.   

I have known sisters who tried to destroy their siblings’ marriages – my sister being one. After I married, my evil-ass, covert narc sister tried to ruin my marriage – afterward, I went no contact and she shall NEVER be allowed to crawl back into my life under any circumstance. Reflecting upon the past, my sibling was never my friend or had my best interests in mind. When she did her ‘sweet and innocent and helpless’ act, she ALWAYS befriended people who hated me. I couldn’t figure it out – until, in later life, she became less and less covert. Then I realized what she was. Yeah, if I was in your situation and my sister lived with us – OH YEAH, my sister would befriend my skids to hurt me. And she would put the old ‘sweet and innocent and helpless’ act on when I would confront her about her shenanigans. 

Back to you – if your sister lacks the character necessary to have your back in the household because she values ‘being liked’ better than you, her sister- having respect in your own home – then maybe sister might need to find another place to live to get back on her feet.  

Words of wisdom – never judge a person on what they say, who they are (your sibling), or their position – ONLY JUDGE PEOPLE ON THEIR ACTIONS OR THEIR INACTIONS. This will tell you everything you need to know. 

THEN, you just have to open your eyes and acknowledge reality and take action based on fact. . Not too many people are willing to do that!

Good Luck

PS, Something for your Sis-sis to think about - If your sister was on fire, would those skids (the assess your Sis is kissing) - would they AT THE LEAST piss on her to put the fire out?

 

 

 

CLove's picture

And completely agree with all, every letter and puctuation mark.

Kathope's picture

My sister is no longer allowed to blatently ignore our rules when it comes to the SD's. Would they put her out if she was on fire, I most definatley would say yes. They do love her and they tell her that and show it. They are close to her. My sister crossed the line knowing they were not allowed to go to the movies, yet she took them anyway. I did not like how the whole situation went down. 

CLove's picture

Shes on disability and having to pay things off, and the little twits get a movie day...on DADEE

Kathope's picture

He has not. Will he? Most definatley he will. I was thinking the exact thing today. 

Kathope's picture

Our very kind a loving SD"s were called out today for their lies, manipulation, disrespect and disreguard for our authority. We spoke with the Mini after she got out of school and she insists it was her sister who told her about the text. Her sister of course said it was the Mini. Mini said she had no idea even though she was on the lap top planning away. She said since we were leaving she thought that she would just browse movies and see if they could go after we left. So confirmation on the self planning. She said she never said anything that morning to my sister, she was not even sure about the text. DH confronted her about her bad mouthing of her Evil SM and she said I was the one who never talks to her. Im always judging her, and I am always angry. DH says "we havent seen you  interacting with any one for 2 months bc youre always in your room. You dont even talk to me any more." I then tell her I tried reaching out to her early this month for their DH birthday. I talked to her and told her she needed to start interacting more with the family and specifically me. She was into this guy a school and had been wanting us to meet him over the Christmas break but I had a ton of things on my plate then. I told her if she wanted for us to meet him she had to talk to me more about him so I could get DH on her side. That was better than her sneaking out of the house like her brother did. She said ok and went right back to ignoring me and everyone else. She would talk to my sister about it depth. She stood there and cried her crocodile tears as usual. I also told her Im the only mother she has. Shes going to have to get over it. Moms are the ones who decipline their children, they are the keepers of everything at home, we know whats going on at all times. We get upset bc we want our children to succeed. She will be a mother one day. I told her I no longer wanted to do anything for them. I am nice and I'm met with contempt. Im mean and Im a witch. There is no winning with them so I am not going to engage. I wish them well but I am tired of being their scapegoat. 

DH was on my side. I am thankful for that. This would have been a huge issue last year and we would have gone the path of Us vs The SM. Counseling has made a world of difference. Thank you Jesus! She got all electronics taken away for a week. Sister got her phone taken for a week too and they both have some hard labor to do when they get home tomorrow. My sister is no longer allowed to disreguard our wishes. 

We'll see how things go the rest of the week. Every week its something new.