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What should I do?

kalaodell's picture

After this weekend it leaves me questioning if I should invite his parents to DDs party next month, we are supposed to get married next year but I feel like if MIL is going to be there for that it's going to make me crazy and make it not enjoyable. I'm such a bad person for not wanting his mom or his other kid at my wedding. It just leaves me questioning what to do. 

Comments

1dad4kids's picture

I can see why you're questioning this. If you don't want his child at the wedding, what are the chances you're gonna make it in the relationship? 

kalaodell's picture

The problem is, wherever his kid is there is his mom. Your right though about how am I gonna make it? I don't know. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Honestly- I think you need to suck it up and invite your future in-laws to the birthday party. 

I also think you need to have a heart to heart with your future MIL about talking about his ex all the time. You can bring it up nicely and say that you realize that she is a big part of the history of the family but it is hard to hear about her all the time and would she please try and leave her out of the conversations? It would really make you feel better and you just want to be a part of the family and future. We don't need to concentrate of their past relationship.

For the wedding- unless you plan on NO kids, you do need to invite SS. You also need to invite your in-laws. It is the right thing to do unless your FH doesn't want them there. Starting a rift and cutting them out of your life starting with the wedding is one way that you can be certain that they will always favor BM over you. Do you really want them in your FH's ear all the time talking about how horrible you are and how much better off he was with BM (even if that is far from the reality of the situation)?

beebeel's picture

This. Have you ever told her that hearing about the ex so much is uncomfortable for you? Some people think everyone loves gossip.

justmakingthebest's picture

What does your FH say about it? If you have made your feelings known and FMIL is still disrespecting you, I would expect your FH to make a stand against his parents. He is being just as disrespectful to you as the in-laws are if he doesn't. 

beebeel's picture

Then I would start walking out of the room when she starts. She can spew whatever she likes, but you don't have to listen.

SeeYouNever's picture

In my opinion weddings are for other people. You don't throw a huge party and selectively not invite key members of families. if the wedding is big enough, like at least 50 people then just go ahead and invite them but you don't have to seat them near you or spend any time talking to them.

This is why we eloped. No in-laws and no step kids. By eloping it really was just for us!

kalaodell's picture

It's pretty much going to be small back yard ceremony. With the wedding party that's it, nothing big, then we are going out for dinner and then going to a certain place for a few nights just the two of us

Survivingstephell's picture

I had to cut my in-laws out for a few years after bad treatment. Don't hesitate to use this method to make your point clear. You BF should be making it clear to his family that he has TWO daughters and that he is not with BM anymore and that you are the lady in his life now and as such deserves respect.  Sounds like you have a man problem and HE needs to make clear to everyone to play nice from now on. 

kalaodell's picture

He's tried so many times to say those things to his mom but it goes back to just SD all the time with MIL. He tries but I guess the only way for them to realize it is cutting them out

Monkeysee's picture

I disagree with people saying you have to invite your MIL and SS. It’s YOUR wedding, you can invite whoever you want. Same goes for your DDs birthday. If they’re toxic people they don’t have a free pass to be in your house regardless of whose birthday it is.

That said, how does your FH feel about these things? His feelings would be the only ones I’d be concerned about, have you talked to him about all this?

kalaodell's picture

Yes we talked about he thinks they don't deserve to be here cuz they don't acknowledge our DD. So why should we invite them to her party. Mind you last year was her first birthday and they made it about SD and my family was trying to make sure that everyone knew it was DD party. These people are very disrespectful and don't care, she literally walked in my house the other day while dropping SD off and didn't even say hi to my DD. Pretty sad. She's 2 and her baby sitter is more of a nana to her than she is. Mind you his mom thinks that just cuz I'm with SO that I am obligated to act as if she's my daughter. She try's to make my SO to choose between the two girls all the time. The last straw was fathers days when she didn't even say hi to my very cute 2 year old like come one even people in public say hi. 

Monkeysee's picture

If your MIL doesn’t even acknowledge your DD she 100% does not have to be invited, especially if your FH is on board with that. If she wants to put SD on a pedestal that’s her prerogative, you don’t have to subject your daughter to her toxicity just because she gave birth to your FH. I wouldn’t want people like that around my kid either. 

kalaodell's picture

Thank you for the advise we have came to conclusion that his parents will not be invited or SD. I still feel like SO needs to speak up more but I think not being invited will work as well. 

Harry's picture

She thrying to break you up.  Everyone knows you don't talk about the ex to new GF going to be new wife.  She knows what she is doing.  It's up to your DH to have it out with her.  It's up to him to invite or uninvite his parents. To the wedding.