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So she is his

kalaodell's picture

So she is his, now I'm trying to find where I stand, and what to do next. 


hereiam's picture

Were you really counting on a different result because some random person came up to you in Walmart and told you that she wasn't his?

If you truly cannot deal with his daughter and don't want to, leave.


Rags's picture

Quit beating around the issues. Go directly to the source and ask the questions directly.  See what your DH has to say when you ask him.

tog redux's picture

I think as hereiam said - you have to accept that his older child will continue to be part of his life, and if you can't - might be best to leave.

justmakingthebest's picture

Is your DH upset now that it was questioned? I feel like that would be a normal response. I could also see him having resentment for this being brought up to begin with.

I would suggest counseling. I think that you guys really need to get on the same page as parents and how you want to move forward. I think you should also get individual counseling for yourself to come to terms with being a SM. 

This isn't a life for all women. There is no shame in saying that it is more than you can handle. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

the child was not his. I believe this is the only child between BM & DH so you were probably hoping she was not his so that BM can just disappear forever. Which I totally get because I wish BM could disappear forever too, but that is not reality. Honestly, I wish BM's other child was SO's in more ways than I wish the opposite because then he wouldn't of had to go through the devestation of BM taking his rights away to the child then struggle with the decision to not continue a relationship with her after that, etc. For the emotional wellbeing of my bf, I wish the child was his, point blank. Granted, BM and him still have another child together so with the child not being his, they still have to be in contact anyway. 

I second getting some counseling. I hate to say a version of the line we all hate, "you knew what you were getting into," but you did know he had a child prior to you with another woman and it seems like you have a really hard time coping with that. To be fair to everyone in the situation, yourself, your DH, and the child, I would work on figuring out whether this is something you can deal with forever or not.