My mom came to my wedding. That was all the present I needed. Your DH has confused being the bank to being in a relationship. His heart will be broken when he realises it, but you have quite some time since he is clearly an ostrich wearing a blindfold.

Do what you think is right. You're not mean-spirited, you just want to spend time and energy on things you enjoy, like hosting a Thanksgiving dinner.

I can not wrap my head around the dishes but... what is done is done...

I would keep doing my Thanksgiving tradition. SD is married now and is probably trying to establish her own traditions. That will happen with all kids as they get older. Could she probably of thought of another holiday, Yes. But she didn't. I would keep doing what you have been doing.

I find it odd that she put some effort and thought into this gift for your girls but couldn't bother to invite them to her own wedding? I mean I have friends that I adore and may not adore their children but I would still invite them to the wedding if I was allowing other friends to bring their kids.

And now her sisters are good enough to come into her home for Thanksgiving dinner, but not good enough for her wedding? That makes no sense?

And if she is asking for $13,000 dishes on her registry I am assuming they have some kind of money, so really now that I think about it, I don't think it would have hurt much to invite her siblings to the wedding, cost couldn't have been a factor. Is it possible that BM didn't want your girls at the wedding? Maybe because of jealousy?

WoW that is a generous gift! even the $10k you both agreed on is generous! I would have been livid finding out he spent more than the agreed upon amount.

As for Thanksgiving. Keep your tradition and let SD make her own. If DH wants to abandon you on Thanksgiving to join SD for her first annual Thanksgiving celebration than screw him. Maybe he can stop by her celebration for dessert and let them all know you couldn't make it since you are hosting guests at your annual event.

Will SS also get a present that expensive?

I agree with the other posters about keeping Thanksgiving at your home. Your daughters deserve to grow up with their own family traditions, and I wouldn't trade that for the faux family Thanksgiving invitation that your H bought for 16k. Your H won't like it, but adapt the stance that you are committed to giving your daughter the happiest childhood possible, and stick to it.

You are treading a difficult path here, because you are essentially dealing with a delusional person. Your DH seems soley motivated by guilt and a wish for that Brady Bunch happy family, while you are sensitive to nuance, slights, and ulterior motives. The two of you are wearing different goggles with different filters, so being direct with him wont get you anywhere. EXCEPT on the subject of charging 16k without your agreement. That is outrageous (and in my marriage, a deal breaker), and he needs to feel the pain for it. Not only would I establish clear financial limits that apply to both spouses, but I would embark on a campaign of household austerity designed to make him suffer. 16k PLUS INTEREST doesn't just grow on trees, and you need to make your H experience discomfort. Serve cheap foods he doesnt like, make him rewear dry clean items, shut off the cable tv, cancel club and gym memberships - whatever creature comforts and luxuries he enjoys, hit him there, hard. Not out of spite, or bi!chyness, but because that's what adults have to do when they unexpectedly incur a huge debt.

Can I ask you a general question (which of course you can ignore)?

What is your H's relationship with his EX? Is it possible that there is residual bitterness over their divorce that she holds you accountable for == and by relationship your kids. You had to be included, but your SD choose to exclude your girls because of their mother's feelings?

Would her mother be at Thanksgiving? Or does she do something with her husband's family?

:jawdrop: I will make sure DH pays all on his own for that gift... it's just..... I do not even have words for it.
What was he thinking... bloody idiot, he better start saving up for your girls weddings, it's going to cost him a fortune...

Now for TG - you host your party and decline to go to theirs, DH better be sure to be the host at your party, he 's married to you, nothing wrong with SD trying her hand at it, now that she's a married woman, but there's no law saying you have to go to hers, keep to your own tradition.

For skids and your girls relationship, Hon accept it, there will never be any kind of relationship between them, the age difference is just to big. You can't thing for one minute that 20 somethings will invite pre teens/teens to their functions, and you should not invite 20 somethings to your girls events. Yes they are blood family, but the age cap is too big.

So, DH was sneaky in how he gifted for his daughters wedding. Time to give that man some clarity that he does not exceed set budgets without discussion with you and your agreement ahead of time.

I would own his ass for this were I you.

People who live in an eternal state of Ostrich Syndrome regarding manipulative people are so pathetic and their purposfully chosen blindness towards people like your SD and SSIL just chaps my butt.

Grrrrrrr!

I would have took the 13K Daddy offered and took a trip to Europe for a couple week or a second car. I could think of a lot of things I would rather have for 13K than dishes.

I love Haviland china (maybe not this pattern though) but would have never registered for it and would be freaked out each time I used it. I do have friends that have it-- but I am pretty old and I don't think it was that expensive when I got married.

I think it is time for a conversation with your H about what he thinks a relationship between his children (all 5 of them) really looks like. Your oldest SD is nearly old enough to be your girls' mother. And I wonder if you are closer to his oldest D's age than his?

Anyway, even without the wedding shenanigans, I think his expectations were likely unrealistic, The kids are almost certainly always going to be in different places in their lives -- right now, ten years from now, 20 yrs from now, etc.

I have a friend whose remarried a man who is older and has grown children while she has tween and young teen kids. They all "get along" and enjoy meals etc together but not in sibling relationship but maybe in a aunt/niece relationship or distant cousin relationsip. And yes, the older kids sometimes pop in for a sports event (especially on a pretty day) or a ballet recital (how fun/cute/unique) but really aren't part of the younger kids daily orbit. I realize that this isn't a perfect analogy because the kids share no blood relationship, but I think it illustrates the challenges of having kids far apart in age.

That was a lovely wedding gift, especially having the grandmother's china cabinet restored to display them. Since DH didn't pay a dime for the wedding itself, it was totally appropriate that he contribute a gift of that china. The new couple will cherish that gift their whole lives and it will become an heirloom for their future generations. It was a lovely idea . He could have stuck to the 10k budget and just bought the plates and gradually added the serving dishes to their set on future birthdays or Christmas as a combined gift to the couple.

I have bone china that I inherited and I use it for every holiday dinner and birthday dinner. Right now it's in storage since we moved. My only grievance is it has to be hand washed! It's Royal Albert in a pattern that has been discontinued so I don't know the value, but I do know the other party named in the Will got a two carat diamond ring as equal distribution.

I have two words to say to Fruity: "judgmental much?"

I eat on paper plates quite often thank you.

I never asked for the gift of china. It was gifted to me from a dear relative's estate. The original owner received as a gift from her husband on their 25th wedding anniversary. I like to share the gift with my other relatives by treating them to a special dinner on them.

This lady that owned it was kind and generous with other people and I would like to think that she was not judged by others just because she appreciated the gift. She did not go out and buy it for herself. Either way, she was the kindest, most polite woman one would ever know, but of course, you've never met her.

So on the china theme, ExHs grandmother had a full 12 - 16 place set of Belleek Irish china along with about a dozen or more serving pieces. The tea/coffee service, serving dishes, platters, soup tureen, ect.

There was a fire and all the china was destroyed. TWENTY years later the sisters (ExH's aunts) were still fighting, really angrily fighting about who would have inherited it if it hadn't been lost in the fire.
AND it carried on to their daughters! They would say that Gma would have given it to my Mom and then she would have given it to me and her sister would say NO, I would have gotten it!
Craziness!

Well, if it isn't the gang from my ' Two Party Contrast ' thread!

Altogether now..........."Red solo cup.......I fill you up......let's have a party........proceed to party! "

dyed in the wool Toby Keith fan,

My stepkids have their Thanksgiving with their mother's side of the family. There is no way I would accept DH leaving our guests to run over for dessert with his former family when we together are hosting.

I would suggest to SD that you "would love to come to dinner, but we will have to make it another day, since others depend on me to host on Thanksgiving. How about the day after, since we would like to spend more individual time with you anyway?"

I want to thank both of the ladies on this thread for recommending Replacements.com.

After scrolling through several pages, there it was! I was so excited to see them, and even pieces that I didn't know existed.

Whenever I see my aunts china, I think of how graceful and sweet she was and it brings back good memories for me.
Nearly all of my belongings have been in storage for the past year since we moved, and I guess I miss them. They have sentimental value and some day my granddaughter will be the hostess using them.

DH always calls me "the hostess with the mostest" but he's talking about the effort I put in, from the planning stage to the final cleanup.