A difficult time in my life
My spouse has a 3 1/2 year old niece that I dislike very much. It all started about 3 yrs ago my spouse lost his mom and his half sisters were NEVER in his life while he was taking care of his sick mother. Not once did they call to support him during this process. When she passed away, they saw where they could take advantage of his emotions by wanting him to see his nieces and nephews that he has never met and no one to take care of them. The aunt even had the audacity to fill his head as to what is going on with these children. He told her that he would take care of the toddler. None of these father's are in these kids life not to mention that the niece (toddler)has NEVER met her biological father because the mother doesn't know who he is. I had my sons at the early part of my young adult life and now that they are graduated/graduating from high school I am ready to enjoy my life and do the things that I didn't get to do during those missed years. My problem is that my spouse feels that he is her father whenever she comes to visit and that we need to take care of her financially when we are overwelmed in bills and not to mention a college student to support in the next year. We have been going round and round about this and we have come so close to divorcing more than once. I did give it a chance once for 3 weeks to care for her and the responsibilities behind it I was so overwelmed that I almost had a nervous breakdown. I don't know what to do and I wish my spouse could understand me, but he doesn't and I am afraid to leave because I have been with him so long and I don't know if I can make it financially on my own. Please let me know.
Kaileen
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I'm sure your husband feels
I'm sure your husband feels sorry for his niece, but agreeing to be financially responsible for a 3 1/2 year old is a big committment. What is her mother doing, does she work? You didn't say how old you and your husband are? Does he have any children of his own? How many years have you been married? Maybe your husband thinks since he has helped support your 2 sons, and will continue helping with college, then you should be willing to help out his family? Since you didn't say how many years you've been married, and if your husband has supported your 2 sons, I can't say too much about it. Maybe you can clarify a little more.
A difficult time in my life
Thanks for replying back Hanny. My husband and I are in our early 40's and we have been married for 18yrs and the sons are not just mine, they're his too. The answer to your question is NO her mother (spouse's half sister)doesn't work. All she wants to do is party all the time instead of taking care of her responsibility which is not fair to anyone that has already raised their children like an adult should. So now when my husband goes to pick up his niece some Monday's (his off day)the mom doesn't do her hair and she doesn't get her dressed so he has to do her hair and buy her a new outfit and shoes each time he has her. When I was her mother's age I had our sons back to back and I knew who their father is, but this mother went out and slept with who knows who and ended up pregnant. To this day the child has NEVER seen or know who her dad is which is terrible. So she decides to keep the baby and couldn't take care of the first daughter that she had. She is now 9yrs old and her aunt is raising her. Not only that the 9yr old doesn't want ANYTHING to do with her mother. As you can tell that I am very angry about how this situation started. My husband and I moved back home in 1991. All the time that we were here not once did ANY of his sister's (3-half)call him nor come by to visit him because they were busy spending the money they received in 1992 from their mom passing away partying until it was all gone. No one saved back any of the money. They really had nothing to do with him until his mom passed away in 2005. Now they only want to associate with him becase they have on one else that will help financially and they don't consider what he has to do for his sons by putting them through college and the expense of that. I am very frustrated with this. I love my husband dearly and I don't want to divorce him.
Kaileen
No changes in situation
My husband and I are in our early 40's and we have been married for 18yrs and the sons are not just mine, they're his too. The answer to your question is NO her mother (spouse's half sister)doesn't work. All she wants to do is party all the time instead of taking care of her responsibility which is not fair to anyone that has already raised their children like an adult should. So now when my husband goes to pick up his niece some Monday's (his off day)the mom doesn't do her hair and she doesn't get her dressed so he has to do her hair and buy her a new outfit and shoes each time he has her. When I was her mother's age I had our sons back to back and I knew who their father is, but this mother went out and slept with who knows who and ended up pregnant. To this day the child has NEVER seen or know who her dad is which is terrible. So she decides to keep the baby and couldn't take care of the first daughter that she had. She is now 9yrs old and her aunt is raising her. Not only that the 9yr old doesn't want ANYTHING to do with her mother. As you can tell that I am very angry about how this situation started. My husband and I moved back home in 1991. All the time that we were here not once did ANY of his sister's (3-half)call him nor come by to visit him because they were busy spending the money they received in 1992 from their mom passing away partying until it was all gone. No one saved back any of the money. They really had nothing to do with him until his mom passed away in 2005. Now they only want to associate with him becase they have on one else that will help financially and they don't consider what he has to do for his sons by putting them through college and the expense of that. I am very frustrated with this. I love my husband dearly and I don't want to divorce him.
Kaileen