Need help - New CO
I'll try to make a long story short. DH and BM have been divorced 5 years, DH has had primary custody the whole time. BM had EOW Fri-Mon AM. Two and a half years ago BM threatened suicide and was ordered to get therapy and some other things. She has not done those things and has been held in contempt multiple times and has gone months without any visitation, some has been supervised, location restricted, etc in this time. She has not had overnight visitation in 1 1/2 years. Currently she sees Skids 12 hours EO Saturday.
So we've been in court many times this year trying to get her in compliance with the CO and get visitation restored (we're ready for the break and the kids need more time with BM). So this week in court her lawyer says, hey can't we put this to rest since she's finally in compliance and redo a permanent CO instead of all the temporary stuff. We say sure, what does she propose. Her proposal contained MORE time than she's ever had, including enough overnights that trigger joint custody for child support in our state. BTW she pays $151/month, is $9K behind and has paid nothing in 5 months. We say HELL NO! and send her our proposal which is EOW Fri-Sun and since it took away Sunday nights, we made up the overnights by giving her the whole month of July. We thought this was more than fair, as she's always complaining about not having big chucks of time.
Her lawyer says she agrees, she tells the children she agrees and lawyer sends over CO for DH to sign. It says the same things she wanted PLUS the month of July. WTF?!? She thinks she can go psycho on the kids for 2 1/2 years and convince a judge she deserves more time with them than she's ever had and get CS from DH? So now we're drafting our counteroffer and we're just pissed.
So my question is, What are the most annoying/troublesome things in everyone's CO? We're ready to throw the book at her to get her to agree to the original offer or duke it out in court which means she won't have any overnights with the kids for at least another 2 months because of the holidays and court schedule. This is mental warfare. What would piss you off the most if it were proposed to you? Are there conditions in your order that drive you insane? Anything will help.
P.S. If this seems mean, bear with me. This woman has put DH (and me) through hell for years.
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The worst things in the court
The worst things in the court order vagueness & this will drive u nuts as inevitably both parties define it differently
What I wish was there:
- Exact pick up/drop off time & location (make sure receiving parent picks up)
- a 1/2 hour forfeit time (so your not waiting for 2 hours )
- two weeks notice of any changes in the CO schedule
-each major holiday spelled out (the minor ones are PIA like Halloween? come on - you miss half the holiday in the car)
Our judgement is pretty tight
Our judgement is pretty tight and gives us a very manageable situation as far as SS's visitation with the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan. We did have to have three things clarified by the Judge from the original CO.
1) Who's time does SS travel on? The Judge clarified that he travles on SpermClan time.
This fixed two things. SpermGrandMa repeatedly tried to keep the kid for the duration of the visitation beginning the the day after he arrived in SpermLand and she used to fight with us to no end that she would take him to the airport the day after visitation was supposed to end. The Judge said he travels on day one of visitation to them and comes home on the final day.
2) If BioDad and SpermClan chose not to take a visitation they tried for years to roll it to the next visitation. The CO does not mention it but we always said NO F'in WAY! The Judge clarified by telling them No F'in Way!
The Supplemental Rules for the county of jurisdiction supported the Judge's decision on #2.
The most irritating thing is that the CO gives us the option of taking 10days in the summer anytime after the second week of their 5wk summer visitation. The problem is that they can start their visitation at a time that prevents us from having SS over the 4th of July. We have never had him over the 4th.
3) They repeatedly tried to start visitation in the summer either before the kid was out of school or so late in the summer that he would miss the first week or more of school
We said no and so did the Judge.
The never stopped giving the kid shit and bitching to him that visitation with the SpermClan was more important than school. We moved between states a few times while SS was in school and sent him to boarding school for a year and a half. SpermGrandMa would blow her stack claiming that the only reason why we moved was to shorten their winter visitation. IDIOT! Like we give a shit enough about her and her idiot son to move half way across the country to deny them a few days a year of visitation with the only decent section of the SpermClan gene pool.
The most irritating thing is that the CO gives us the option of taking 10days in the summer anytime after the second week of their 5wk summer visitation. The problem is that they can start their visitation at a time that prevents us from having SS over the 4th of July. We have never had him over the 4th.
But, over all this is a non issue.
Get the CO updated and beat the snot out of BM with it every time she steps out of line.
Good luck.
Best regards,