Those with grown bios and young skids....
Is there anyone here that has grown bio-kids but younger skids? How does/did your DH/ SO take it in the fact that you have real world experience and practical advise? Do they still not care or do they really take your advice into account and just do what they want anyway?
I have 1 bio daughter, she is almost 22years old. Has a job, is in college, including summer school to graduate sooner, pays bills and hardly ever goes out, so she is never in trouble, rarely drinks, doesnt stay out all night, etc. so I think I know what I'm doing and have done a damn good job of raising her. She had chores, had a bedtime, had discipline and structure growing up and she KNEW what she could not get away with when it came to me.
Now I realize there is more than one way to skin a cat so to speak and everyone raises kids differently, but if all kids go through the same phases, I have experience in all these ages and what to do or not to do in order to raise a good kid, why is it soooo difficult for SO to take my advice? I'm really wondering if it is a male testosterone thing where they think that they could never take advice from a woman! God forbid I actually know something that he doesn't!!!
If the situtation was reversed I would be glad to take advice from someone in the know. No matter what it is! If someone has more experience with anything Im doing I want their input so I can do it better! I'm not saying Im perfect and did everything right when it came to my DD but damn, I think the results speak for themselves!
So anyone else in the same situation with grown bios and younger skids? Do you tend to face the same issues or does your SO/DH ever take your advice since you've been there done that?
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Holy S*** this is exactly my
Holy S*** this is exactly my situation! I have a 25 year old BD and SD12. I raised BD25 so much different from the way DH wants to raise SD and it's just frustrating as hell for me. Plus, we have SD full time. BM hasn't even seen or talked to SD since 2012.
DH rejects a lot of my advice and that upsets me because I have years of experience and I can foresee what will happen. When I try to advise him, he always ends up telling me he's tired of all my "conspiracy theories." I had to laugh because when you've experienced a kid doing X, you know you can expect Y. It's not a conspiracy--it's called experience and lessons learned!! Sometimes, DH does accept my advice but when he does, my parenting style just doesn't work with this moron SD. Sorry.
The problem I've found is that every kid is definitely different and SD really doesn't respond in the same manner (or even close) to the way BD responded at the same age. Even though I have SD full time in my house, I've had to really force myself to step aside and let DH make all the stupid parenting mistakes because every time I try to get involved, I become the target and scapegoat. It's a constant struggle to tell myself to just not care.
Lately, I've been hinting to him that SD failed a class in school but he refuses to get involved so I'm just sitting on the sidelines now. It sucks watching a perfectly able-bodied 12 year old sit there day & night like a lazy slug but me getting involved hasn't helped the situation as of yet
Yep, all kids are different
Yep, all kids are different and take to different forms of discipline and such, but we can clearly see what things will be like by not having any discipline, allowing them to do what they want, how they want and when they want and what no bedtimes, etc. can do.
Its like you said, these are facts where if someone doesn't do X they are going to get Y. This has nothing to do with the type of kid it is, but a fact of raising kids!
I have completely disengaged but its still hard to sit back and watch the train wreck that is sure to come and not being able to do anything about it.
My bios are not grown yet but
My bios are not grown yet but I think this dynamic happens in lots of step families. Not sure if it is because people think you are judging their parenting or what but it is nuts. I think co-parenting is difficult and step families are even harder because the bio parent never feels the step parent really loves the skid.